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Original poster

Dh won't lie about Father Christmas

265 replies

lazycow · 08/11/2006 14:04

That's it really. He says he refuses to lie to ds for something that is purely recreational even in an indirect way and has suggested we say something along the lines of

'Everybody plays a game at Christmas where they pretend Santa Claus exists so we can play too etc..'

I have some sympathy with this view actually as I don't like lying to ds either but this seems to be a bit TOO PC for my liking. I suppose I remember the excitement of waiting for the Santa delivery on Christmas eve and would like ds to have that.

As dh says though a lot of the lying about Father Christmas is because adults enjoy watching the result so in a lot of ways we are lying to our children for our own pleasure.

As ds is only 2 this year I'm sure we can skirt the issue with 'Let's put the stocking up and see if any presents arrive' without mentioning who brings them but next year I think will be different. Although I can see dh's point I can't help feeling disappointed and that somehow ds will miss out.

Does anyone else tell their children that Father Christmas doesn't exist from the beginning and if so do your kids still love Christmas and get excited about it?

OP posts:
beckybrastraps · 08/11/2006 17:02

Oh lazycow. I do see your dh's point (sort of), but there's a difference between lying to your child and not allowing a bit of the wonderful uncertainty to continue. Ds is very uncertain about magic. He thinks it might not exist, but then lots of his dreams and fantasies wouldn't be real either... couldn't be real. So he's reluctant to completely lose his belief in magic. And I'm very happy about that. I remember going through the same process myself. Like amny others, it was a gradual realisation, which I didn't fully take on board until I was ready.

Dahlia · 08/11/2006 17:06

Thanks puddle, yes she is!

bran · 08/11/2006 17:08

We're not going to mention Santa this year. DH has reservations about the whole Santa hype, partly because they don't have Santa in Malaysia and partly because he is fairly religious and doesn't want to introduce non-religious myths alongside the religious ones (I'm an atheist so I won't be telling any myths, just eating and drinking a lot ). I'm not bothered either way because I knew that my parents were Santa from the age of 3 and it never affected my anticipation or enjoyment of Christmas. DS will be 2.6 at Christmas so he's probably a little young to understand either way, he'll still get a stocking but we won't go into explainations about where it came from. Maybe next year we'll tell the story about the dowries (sp?) and how adults like to give presents to children anonymously under the name Santa Claus in honour of that anonymous gift.

JoolsToo · 08/11/2006 17:15

words fail me

it's 'pc gone mad'

but really it's very

sfxmum · 08/11/2006 17:16

i have not read all the posts but this is a big issue in our house and we are looking for a compromise.

i do not want to do the santa thing but dh does 'because its magical'

Socci · 08/11/2006 17:18

Message withdrawn

JoolsToo · 08/11/2006 17:20

But Santa visited Jesus, he visits all children.

northerner · 08/11/2006 17:25

Can't beleiev some parents don't want to do the whole 'Father Christmas' thing. How ridiculous.

I'm sure we can all remember the magic of waiting for Santa on christmas eve, who would want to take that away from their kids ffs? Are we mad that our parents 'lied' to us? I don't think so.

Telling your kids he doesn't exist is more likely to scre them up than not imo. And also what if your kids tell other kids who do beleive?

pointydog · 08/11/2006 17:27

I feel sort of the same as your dh.

However, I have never directly said that Santa doesn't exist and I have never stated that he does exist. It is perfectly possible. Leave them in their blissful ignorance until they come across the truth in their own time.

It ain't hard and it ain't lying.

Blu · 08/11/2006 17:28

Like all our cultural celebrations, we enter into the spirit, play along with the idea, without having to believe it 100%. that is how I have felt about FC since i was a child. It was really part of the atmosphere, but I just didn't 'believe'...but had a great time entering into the whole event. No ,misery, no bahumbuggery (), no po-facedness at all!

And 'pc' wasn't even invented, let alone 'gone mad' when I was a kid!

Socci · 08/11/2006 17:31

Message withdrawn

Socci · 08/11/2006 17:33

Message withdrawn

ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands · 08/11/2006 17:36

Not ridiculous.. but a real shame IMO. Children grow up so fast; it's nice to let them experience some 'magic' before reality seeps in.

A child who is brought up with love and trust in usual circumstances is not going to feel cheated and 'lied to' when he/she finds out Santa is a fantasy.. that's just not going to happen.

Socci · 08/11/2006 17:39

Message withdrawn

JoolsToo · 08/11/2006 17:41

Well I lied like crazy to my 3. Even when they started to think it was a scam I kept insisting he was real.

In fact I dressed up as the old fella one Christmas when they were all home from University - made em sit on my knee and everything, although ds2 was very freaked out

Blu · 08/11/2006 17:48

I do think some of the flack thrown at Laxycow's DH has been a bit OTT!

Children have lively imaginations and a healthy sense of play, they are completely able to enter into somethng as if it was real, without adults taking part in an elabortae charade that it is actually 100% true. As one of the 'maturer' MN-ers, I don't remember complete belief being such a thing when I was a child - I think it has increased as the commercialisation of Christmas has grown, and we like to dress up every experience for children as a more and more elaborathe theme park style experience. No bad thing - it's fun - but there is an innocence, too, in being able to imagine and play, and enjoy magic even though you know it is a story. In some ways, that is more magical. IMHO.

CorrieDale · 08/11/2006 17:48

I'm obviously missing something! It never dawned on me, as a practising Catholic, that believing in Jesus and Santa are mutually exclusive! DS is only 16 mo, and I'll be emphasising the religious aspect of Christmas with nativity sets, advent calenders, church, etc., long after he stops believing in Santa. But I loved the FC ritual as a child and I'm looking forward to seeing DS go through the milk/whiskey and carrots/biscuits thing, just as much as I'm looking forward to taking him to see the baby Jesus in the crib on Christmas morning.

FrannyonFire · 08/11/2006 17:48

You should do what you want and feel is right for your family IMO. Children do have lots of things that they need in life to thrive, and that they deserve to have as a basic human right. Being told Father Christmas is real is not one of them.

Blu · 08/11/2006 17:50

Good post, Franny.

FrannyonFire · 08/11/2006 17:56

I like FC and half believe in him myself, so we have thoroughly indoctrinated ds btw! But if someone else doesn't feel the same way, I would not try to convert them, or attempt to tell them their child is being deprived, any more than I would for other cultural or religious beliefs.

Californifrau · 08/11/2006 18:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FrannyonFire · 08/11/2006 18:06

Are there not other ways to have magic though, without telling lies that you don't personally feel comfortable about?

I mean, do we think lazycow's dh is doing this because he is a mean old bugger who wants to make his children's life miserable, or should we give him the benefit of the doubt and assume it is a strongly held belief for him?

pointydog · 08/11/2006 18:09

Gosh I haven't read this thread, only answered it. The dh got a hard time?! He's the one telling the truth for crying out loud.

One man's magic is another man's lie.

Issymum · 08/11/2006 18:13

lazycow:

This comes up every year so I hope it's OK to repeat what I said last year. From the beginning we've used the same approach with our DDs as your DH is suggesting i.e. 'Everybody plays a game at Christmas where they pretend Santa Claus exists so we can play too etc..' Our reasoning is that the DDs are both adopted from Asia. For a small child the story of their adoption is equally fantastical as that of FC popping down the chimney and we thought it better not to undermine our credibility on the really key story by admitting that we lied about the chap with the big white beard!

If it's any help at all DD1 is now 5.5, and last year she was still really excited on Christmas Eve, hung her stocking on the mantelpiece, left out beer for FC and catfood (?!) for the reindeer and was both thrilled and tentative about going into the sitting room on Christmas morning to 'see what FC had left'. Yet every now and then she would whisper to me "But he's not really real is he.". I think that a small child just doesn't have the same hard line between fantasy and reality that an adult does and they are more than happy to suspend reality and throw themselves into the FC imaginary game, even if they know that FC isn't real. Particularly if there are presents involved.

DD2 (just 4) has a gloriously loose grip on reality at the best of times, so I don't think she's bothered either way!

Booboobedoo · 08/11/2006 18:14

With regards to the 'lying to children' argument, there's been sustantial social study that suggests that folk-tales/fairy-tales/magic are a vital part of children's social, ethical and intellectual development.

Due to their extremely limited life-experience, they obviously have huge problems trying to get to grips with how the world works, and so they use 'magic' to explain things. This reduces their stress levels, and they decrease their reliance on magical explanations as they gain more life-experience.

Not necessarily a clinching argument for insisting on the Father Christmas tradition, but a good comeback to the 'lying to our children is wrong' brigade.