Breastfeeding 23 month old

[CM26]

I am a childminder and have sadly butted heads with a parent. The child started with me when she was 1 yr ols and is now 2 yrs old. I spoke to parent about breastfeeding and bringing in a bottle as mum said she is very attached to the milk. Mum said she would not take a bottle. So I encouraged her to only breast feed in the morning before breakfast and then once she goes home. Mum has since the beginning been breast feeding on the driveway as she says the child is unsettled and unfortunately this child has been suffering with attachment anxiety. I have asked mum not to BF on the drive as I feel this is not helping her to settle. I feel my profession judgement is not being listened and I am at a point where I am stuck. I am all for breast feeding, but when it's appropriate!

Can i ask why exactly you don't feel it's appropriate?

I assume the mum is just trying to settle her child before she goes in to yours.

I see you suggested that she breast feed before breakfast instead of later in the morning but all you can do is suggest it, the mum will only be doing what she thinks is right for her child.

None of your business when or how often she breastfeeds her child. What is inappropriate about her breastfeeding just before her dd comes in to you?

Why is your professional opinion more
important than mums opinion on her child. She heard you, she doesn’t agree, she’s doing what she thinks is right, you can’t force her to parent in her own time, how you want her to. I’m not sure what’s inappropriate about it either. I think I’d be looking for a new childminder if I was her.

Her boobs, her child, not remotely your place to tell her what to do with either. You’re clearly not for breastfeeding and what she’s doing isn’t inappropriate. I hope she finds someone more respectful of her and her parenting decisions. You’re bang out of order.

I agree with PPs.

I would be looking for a new childminder if I were the parent.

All you can do is advise the parent can do as she thinks is best, if the situation isn"t working I am sure you can ask the parent to find alternative childcare and terminate the contract,

I don’t understand the problem.
You think that her breastfeeding her toddler in the car on your driveway before coming into the house is somehow making it more difficult for the kid to settle? But the alternative is just the mum feeding at home then dropping off at yours. There would still still be the moment where mum hands her off to you and leaves. Why is 5 minutes of milk in the car relevant? It’s probably helping to calm the toddler before passing her over to you?
Is the problem actually that you don’t like the idea of someone breastfeeding a toddler? Or you don’t like that she’s doing it in public?

That’s absolutely none of your business, that’s so inappropriate. Breastfeeding has no link to that child’s ability to settle. You also should not be advising to give a bottle, that is contrary to NHS advice to stop bottles at 12 months. I’d be reporting you to Ofsted if I was that mother

Is she potentially trying to squeeze in an extra last minute feed? So she might do one first thing and then the driveway one is a few hours later?

FFS, the child does not have ‘attachment anxiety’, she is securely attached to her mother, as she is supposed to be.

Well she isn’t 2 and the WHO recommends breast feeding until at least 2 as minimum. Why do you think your opinion on how parents choose to parent outside of when you are look after a child is more important than parental choice?

I would have been looking for a new childminder the first time you "advised" me on how I should be feeding my child.
What is inappropriate is your interference.
Interesting choice of forum too - Children's Health. Are you implying that a 23 month old being breastfed is a health problem? The World Health Organisation (amongst others) would disagree.
Also...you advised the mother of a 12 month old to bring a bottle? Really??

Why is a childminder (so presumably someone with experience with babies and young children) advocating a bottle for a two year old and not a cup?

I think you should look into some courses around breastfeeding as your lack of understanding is negatively impacting the quality of your care.

Your completely unreasonable and also wrong not to mention going against NHS advise on 2 different aspects.
In the mums shoes I would be looking for a different childcare provider.

The mum is giving milk and comfort before coming into your setting and is doing her best.

i would look upon a childminder like this with contempt tbh. You owe her an apology.

Wouldn’t you invite the mum in to sit down and feed so that everyone is starting their day less stressfully? You’ll probably find the child naturally shortens the feeds as time goes on.

I don’t really understand why you think breastfeeding is stopping her from settling. My son is 2 and is usually in a much better mood immediately after breastfeeding. So he would be much more settled going in if he’d just had a feed. In fact he would probably be very upset if he was expecting a feed and I refused to give him one because the childminder had told me not to. Missing a feed definitely would not help him to settle at all.

I'm a childminder and I can't see how mum breastfeeding is impacting on you?

This I absolutely wouldn't do though, having parents in to settle their child every morning definitely won't make the start of the day less stressful 😂

The mum won’t be sitting on the driveway and it will save the childminder the time she’s currently spending back and forward peeking through the net curtains.
I don’t see what would be stressful about a mother settling her child before starting the day, though. My own children didn’t need it but I often saw another mother feeding her child in a comfortable chair in the hall when I dropped them off and it had zero negative effects.

Oh dear. Health visitor here. Sounds like child has a perfect attachment to mother. The breastfeeding in car before she goes in, is actually regulating child, before she has to leave her mum. Therefore opposite of what you think. Breastfeeding is a wonderful tool for modern day mothers who have to leave their children and return to work, a society not built for families.

I would also question why you’re recommending a bottle at her age? Intro a sippy cup from 6m and real cup as soon as a child can hold/drink mainly without spilling.

Hopefully you’ll do the right thing and apologise to mother for providing her with wrong information, and welcome her to continue doing what she thinks is best for her child, for as long as she wants.

I would be seeking a new childminder if one decided to tell me when i could and couldn't breastfeed my own child.

Team mum.