Breastfeeding 23 month old

[CM26]

I am a childminder and have sadly butted heads with a parent. The child started with me when she was 1 yr ols and is now 2 yrs old. I spoke to parent about breastfeeding and bringing in a bottle as mum said she is very attached to the milk. Mum said she would not take a bottle. So I encouraged her to only breast feed in the morning before breakfast and then once she goes home. Mum has since the beginning been breast feeding on the driveway as she says the child is unsettled and unfortunately this child has been suffering with attachment anxiety. I have asked mum not to BF on the drive as I feel this is not helping her to settle. I feel my profession judgement is not being listened and I am at a point where I am stuck. I am all for breast feeding, but when it's appropriate!

Bf at 23 months is totally normal and amazing for the child that she has such a lovely attachment to her mum, and it sounds like the mum is looking out for her child’s needs. Your attitude towards the mum around the Breastfeeding would make me question how you are with the children, and how you treat them - maybe the child is unsettled due to you and the way you childmind? I’d look for another childminder if I was the mum too

YABVU! It’s none of your business. You can give the child a sippy cup with cow’s milk (or whatever kind of milk) while they’re in your care. But the mum has every right to breastfeed her child! What do you mean by ‘appropriate’?

I had a nursery worker like you who was clearly rattled by me breastfeeding my 1.5/2yo (not in front of her; I just mentioned it in passing). He settled fine in nursery. Some people are just weird about breastfeeding.

Your professional judgement is at odds with best practice which is probably why she is ignoring you. Absolutely terrible idea to introduce bottle to 23 month old - zero need to especially when breastfeeding on demand. Lots of people struggle to support a child when bf is used so have to think of other ways to soothe, help sleep etc but most dads and carers find a way. Maybe you aren’t the right fit for this family?

If you think breastfeeding is just for nutrition then you clearly don’t know anything about child psychology or development.

DD went to childminders from 1 and I breastfed her exclusively until she was 3. She didn’t have any problems settling with the childminder and breastfeeding was never discussed. Never sent her with milk for the daytime, she ate snacks / lunch and drank water from a cup.
I fed her before we left the house and in the evenings, I wouldn’t have been comfortable breastfeeding on somebody’s driveway tbh, not because of feeding but because it’s a bit of an intrusion to park on the drive for a prolonged period of time I guess, regardless of what you’re doing? If I had to check emails or something else I would do it down the road not on their driveway..

Are you against long term breastfeeding? It sounds like you are. Why do you think it’s inappropriate exactly?

I’ve had comments from a childminder in the past, she told me that by continuing to breastfeed my son I was making him more anxious to leave me. Absolute bollocks. I found a new childminder.

If I was the mum in the position I’d be looking for childcare elsewhere. You sound unprofessional and misinformed.

The OP’s post has opened a hornets nest here and I’m not entirely sure what I think. All four of my children were entirely breastfed - my first was well over 2 before she (unwillingly) gave up the feed before bed, 2 were over 1 and the other lost all interest at 9 months or so. None of them had or needed a bottle.
Taken as a whole I spent an awful lot of hours with a baby at my breast but there was never a time when I used the breast as a settling tool before dropping them off at nursery.
To me the clue about breast feeding is in its name. It’s primarily although not entirely for nutrition, and as mine reached weaning age breast feeds were offered to time with snacks and meals and dropped as demand reduced. Unless I’ve got the whole weaning process wrong, at 2 a child should not need breast milk for nutritional purposes. The breast undoubtedly offers the mum an easy option to help them settle, but at this age there are other ways to provide comfort.
My view might be coloured by the fact that I had the devils own job of getting my first born child to drop the before bed comfort feed at this age. I had carried on because it made bed time easy for me but I hadn’t given any thought to how habit forming it would become and the distress it would cause her when I decided that after well over 2 years the time had come for it to stop.
The mum in question is really only doing the same thing as I did, making things easier for herself by using the breast to settle her child before he goes in. I hope she is not making a rod for her own back by doing this.

Totally going against the grain here but I agree that breastfeeding a 2yr old outside the cm's house is crazy.

She should do it before she sets off, not on someone else's driveway. What about other parents dropping kids off all having to park further away while this parent breastfeeds?

@Doubletroubledoubled sorry you feel bad about your decisions, but it is entirely biologically normal for human infants to breastfeed till older than this, and suggesting that the human-created and modern name "breastfeeding" should dictate how the biology works is hilarious. It is not simply laziness. It is normal human bonding, soothing, and supplemental nutrition.

OP can ask the mum not to bf on her drive but "encouraging" her to limit bf to the the times she thinks appropriate just shows her own ignorance about child development, childminder or not.

Yep I agree with this, chances are the separation anxiety would be there anyway and bf helps ameliorate it rather than causing it. If the OP feels she cannot cope with a child with separation anxiety she should say that rather than clumsily criticising decisions from the parents that make her feel uncomfortable due to her own biases.

I BF my youngest until they were 2, I would feed him before I dropped him off at the childminders and when we got home, sometimes depending on how he was, a little sad or a slight cold etc he would ask for a feed when I picked him up and I would feed him in the car on her drive way.
She always used to invite me in and have a chat about his day and offer me a drink if he was desperate for a feed but I didn’t like to encroach any more on her time as sometimes I picked him up at the exact time depending on traffic rather then a 15-20 mins early.
Im not sure why her feeding him on your drive way impacts your day and rather then it causing a problem usually children with a firm attachment to their parents and their childminders move happily between the two, bar the very odd occasion.
It sounds like you’ve been looking after them for 12 months so transitions should be fairly easy by now.
We use our childminder instead of after school club, she’s part of the family as she’s had him since he was 14 months old.
Interestingly we used another prior to the one we have now when I first when back to work when he was 9 months old and he never fully settled, cried at handovers etc and we moved him after 5 months as it showed no sign of improvement and I was upset as he was upset.
As soon as we moved he fully settled within weeks, perhaps for some reason you’re in the same position if handovers still tricky and they would be better looking elsewhere.
The fact you’ve mentioned the age of the BF child makes it seem you have an issue with someone continuing to BF a toddler because I can’t honestly see you creating this thread if it was a baby if around 12 months..

Well, you get to decide whether people are allowed to hang around on your drive, breastfeeding or otherwise, but as others have pointed out separation anxiety at that age is pretty common?

I really, really hope you are not a professional dietitian because bf is not just for food and breastfeeding an infant to comfort them will NOT lead them to comfort eat when older. It is depressing that a hc professional could be this misinformed about....everything.

Who do you think you are @CM26 ?

You have no right to dictate when a mother breastfeeds her own child.

I've no doubt that this is your own issue with her breastfeeding a toddler.

As for you advising her to give a 2 YEAR OLD a bottle? Your 'professional' opinion absolutely sucks.

Hope mum finds a more appropriate childcare provider.

my sister breast feed her children till they were 4 and 2. nobody criticised her. mind your own business.

Well this is quite shocking really. I presume you are not a parent or have not breastfed because you really do not understand it. And what being 23 months has to do with it I do not know. The poor mum having a thread like this written about her.

Yet another clueless dietitian - I've met a number of you at the NHS and every single one of them knew nothing about breastfeeding.

Whilst breastmilk is nutrition, breastfeeding is ALSO for comfort, pain-relief, and protection against illnesses and immune system building.

Please do some simple research before giving terrible advice based on a 'professional' opinion.

By the way, breastfeeding for comfort (to settle a child) does NOT encourage unhealthy relationships with food, would LOVE to see any evidence for that complete piffle.

This is exactly what I was thinking.

My favourite reply ever 😂❤️

What is inappropriate is you telling her when she can and can’t breastfeed

Why is it any of your business when and where she breastfeeds? When I first opened this thread I was expecting mum wanting to come into your house in the middle of the day to breastfeed or something like that, not breastfeed her child in her car before dropping her off for the day.

She is 23 months so is still within the minimum age guidelines for being breastfed (2 years old minimum).

I think you need to check why you have these prejudices about breastfeeding as this is 100% a you problem.

Was she doing it parked on someone's driveway when they were running a business with lots of drops offs and pick ups?

YABU
this poor mother can breastfeed her child whenever or wherever, without your judgement.
i breastfed my three children, My childminder and nursery would welcome me in and give me a comfy chair to breastfeed in- morning time or evening time. They’d even get me a drink or a cup of tea.
my child would then be settled for their morning or their drive home.
I can guarantee you two things ; they didn’t breastfeed forever, and it’s 100% none of your business.
it’s sad to see someone who looks after children for a living being so unsupportive of a breastfeeding mother and child.

I hope the double act dietician and child care professional personas aren’t the last parodies here. Could we have a few more comedically disastrous ‘speaking as a…’ characters please?

So fucking what? Whoopdidoo.

Some people have absolutely fucked up views to have issues with women feeding their children.