Breastfeeding 23 month old

[CM26]

I am a childminder and have sadly butted heads with a parent. The child started with me when she was 1 yr ols and is now 2 yrs old. I spoke to parent about breastfeeding and bringing in a bottle as mum said she is very attached to the milk. Mum said she would not take a bottle. So I encouraged her to only breast feed in the morning before breakfast and then once she goes home. Mum has since the beginning been breast feeding on the driveway as she says the child is unsettled and unfortunately this child has been suffering with attachment anxiety. I have asked mum not to BF on the drive as I feel this is not helping her to settle. I feel my profession judgement is not being listened and I am at a point where I am stuck. I am all for breast feeding, but when it's appropriate!

This isn’t a parking thread. 😳

Your professional opinion? And what qualifications do you have in relation to breastfeeding? You need to keep your opinion to yourself as it’s wrong. Breastfeeding does not cause problems with attachment. Lots of children go through it.

My daughter is 3 and breastfeeding, she is happy to go to whoever whenever. Always has. But she has also gone through stages where she is quite clingy.

How about you educate yourself and keep your nose out of other peoples business.

The driveway aspect would only be important if OPs objection were to the location. It'd be completely fine for her not to want breastfeeding on the driveway, as long as she also wouldn't allow non-breastfeeding parents to hang around there either.

But she doesn't mention that as a concern. Maybe it's a big driveway.

And if the driveway were the problem, the mother could bf in the car/nearest bus shelter and that would be nothing to do with OP.

So absolutely nothing passes your lips for comfort only ?!!
cups of tea with a nice biscuit ?
a nice G&T ? ?!!
all of zero nutritional value.
unlike breast milk

disappointing to see a HCP with so poor a knowledge of breastfeeding, and how it naturally brings nutrition connection and comfort all in one.

https://abm.me.uk/breastfeeding-information/breastfeeding-beyond-infancy-a-gp-guide/

So relived to read all these great replies. OP was definitely judging the mum for still BF and was hoping everyone else would chime in. 100%.

I'm a Registered Childminder of over 25 years. Never in a million years would I treat a parent this way! Their child, their choice! If a parent asks for help or advice I may offer something like " have you tried.....", or " maybe you could...." but never literally telling them what they should or shouldn't be doing! Parents- especially Mum's- suffer enough guilt without having more piled on!

i just can’t get my head around this, this is appalling

You are not the childs mother you have no right to say when or where the child can (or can not) be breastfed. If it bothers you so much then they could do it at the end of your drive off your property but apart from that you have no say whats so ever! How bizarre that you think you do (and that youre a child minder)

I am a childminder. I think you need to access some training on attachment. Not only would I encourage Mum to keep feeding. I'd invite her in to sit on the sofa/in the playroom while feeding, to encourage the little one to feel safe in my home.

What qualifies you to say/ know if it's appropriate?

It does sound like you're way out of line. Breastfeeding choices are not for you to make, I think you're on very slippery ground.

I wouldn't want people hanging about on a driveway for safety reasons if cars come by there too. And neither do I see it good for a clingy child to be attached to her mother's breast, only to be plucked off and shoved through the door.
What is wrong with feeding her at home, walking her to CM and bonding through chat, songs etc, then having a calm handover and on her way?

Breastfeeding is the mum's way of comforting her child.
The child knows other people are not mum so will not expect them to breastfeed her...but they will need to find other ways to comfort.
NHS guidelines definitely do not recommend introducing a bottle to a 23 month year old and a 23 month year old knows the difference.

Outrageous

I think you’re saying her actions are making your life more difficult because the child is unsettled. Just give her notice as it’s not working and you don’t have the right to tell a breast feeding mother to limit the child’s feeds. It’s an overreach and morally problematic.

I was being told by all sorts of people to stop breast feeding when I was still feeding my child up to the age of two. Even my blimming dentist was saying the child’s teeth would rot. I was really surprised how many people thought they had the right to dictate when and for how long I breast fed. It really pissed me off particularly when it was unsolicited.

Really concerning if this person is really a dietician. Surely some part of a four year degree would cover breastmilk? CPD for the gaps in her knowledge would be fab.

Christ, be quiet - you are way off base here.

If you think mum wants some strategies for weaning off boob then I think go all out and get involved but otherwise probably best to stay out of it

The OP literally said she told the mum to limit breastfeeding to wake up and bedtime only. Okay, she didn't say "stop breastfeeding completely" but she OS telling the mother when and where she "should" be breastfeeding and it's not at all her place to do so.

How do you KNOW that the breastmilk is the reason the child isn't settling? I've looked after many breastfed toddlers and all of them settled fine eventually. At almost 2yrs old, they're old enough to know that only Mummy has milk but not quite old enough to express all the feelings that come with separation (Will Mummy come back? Will this person look after me? What am I going to do today? When will Daddy pick me up?) All children go through that - however they may be fed and however they may express it.

My EY training also taught me about insecure attachment and how that can manifest but you're somewhat contradicting yourself. A mother who is feeding her child responsively and choosing to breastfeed her toddler is highly unlikely to have an insecurely attached child. Insecure attachment comes from being unsure if the caregiver will respond appropriately to their needs. A mother who has maintained breastfeeding for 2yrs is probably not unreliable as far as the child is concerned.

I have a similarly aged child and I breastfeed her in the car outside my childminder every day with no issues whatsoever. Your professional opinion doesn't extend to when a parent feeds their child when they aren't in your care and it's a worry that you seem to think otherwise.

What's more likely - that everyone else is looking at it completely wrong or that you're viewing a complex set of behaviours that are very much about comfort, bonding, security, and attachment through the extremely narrow lens of food because that's your profession?

Tell her to get the 2yr old off the tit and go find new provision. Baybye now.

This has to be rage bait

You're right she shouldn't be breastfeeding on your drive, invite her in to feed her child somewhere comfortable!

Maybe she's dropping the baby off at the Childminders because she has to go to work? Not everybody is able to do that stuff, walking to the Childminder, then walking back home to whip the duster round and prepare a healthy home-cooked meal. Really!