Breastfeeding 23 month old

[CM26]

I am a childminder and have sadly butted heads with a parent. The child started with me when she was 1 yr ols and is now 2 yrs old. I spoke to parent about breastfeeding and bringing in a bottle as mum said she is very attached to the milk. Mum said she would not take a bottle. So I encouraged her to only breast feed in the morning before breakfast and then once she goes home. Mum has since the beginning been breast feeding on the driveway as she says the child is unsettled and unfortunately this child has been suffering with attachment anxiety. I have asked mum not to BF on the drive as I feel this is not helping her to settle. I feel my profession judgement is not being listened and I am at a point where I am stuck. I am all for breast feeding, but when it's appropriate!

Your professional job is to support the parent here and find ways to help her settle that are in line with things the parent is comfortable with. You're completely over stepping telling her where and when she can breastfeed. I'd also suspect you're wrong and if the child feeds as she arrives, she'll be calmer, feel more secure etc, as she walks in. You should be (as a professional, which is clearly something you pride yourself on) able to come up with creative and empathetic ways to help a little one who dislikes being left (especially as this is very very common).

This sounds like the equivalent of "your children likes spending time with you too much to want to come in to school/nursery/childcare". Childcare should be able to support a child who is struggling with being left, without the answer being "make home/relationship with parent worse so that childcare doesn't seem that bad".

Your professional judgement? It's her child. If you're uncomfortable, that's on you. You don't get to decide what's appropriate.

As a mum who breastfed for a long long time, I can kind of see your POV, OP.
if this is the only thing that settles the child then it means the mum is creating an association. If this is the only thing that settles the child then it means it’s being done right before drop-off with potential to cause problems if it stops working.
I presume this also prevents the dad from dropping-off.

i think you need to ask yourself if you would have a problem if a bottle was being whipped out of a mums handbag and being used to settle a different child of the same age just before drop off every day on your drive.

i can see your POV but want to make sure it’s for the right reasons.

Sorry, another here who doesn’t think it’s your business! My little boy is two and I’d be pretty miffed if his nursery tried to tell me what and when to feed him. I’ve seen one child in his room turn up with a chocolate at every morning as her parents find it easier to hand her over with that in her hand - they let the parents do it as it makes it easier for them.

i agree 100%. I’ve had similar - I haven’t found that either a bottle or breasted children settle easier than the other, on the whole - it’s literally down to the child’s personality!

(I also mentioned the breastfeeding case in my comment - just to show the OP I’ve had similar but I don’t agree the breastfeeding at my door made him struggle with attachment - when I said he came in better with his dad, I actually find that’s happens with most children 😅)

as a Dietician you ought to understand that food is much more than simply the consumption.
Hopefully you’ll be able to breastfeed a child 1 day, & get a firsthand idea or 2(00) about all of breastfeeding’s facets.

A child not wanting to leave her mum isnt an attachment issue, this is a child with a strong attachment to hr mother thats healthy not an issue.I dont know why you think being a childminder giver you any right to tell this lady how to feed her child. How odd.

Mind your own tits.

Ahhhh I'm a dietitian and you're so wrong that I don't think you are a dietitian at all! Please don't bring the profession into disrepute! Dietitians fully support breastfeeding for as long as possible (whether it's for nutrition or "just for comfort" - which is a beautiful thing).

I don’t think the OP is saying the mum shouldn’t breastfeed the child? She is saying that it’s creating a situation where the child is not settling with the childminder because the child can’t breastfeed there, which the child uses for comfort. And she is suggesting the bottle with breast milk as a compromise which might help the child to settle, as it is probably the suckling that the child finds soothing so a cup wouldn’t be the same.

Also when I did my early years qualifications we were taught that sometimes children who don’t want to leave parents are actually insecurely attached. Because securely attached children get a bit upset but then relax knowing that mum or dad is definitely coming back

What part of the mother breast feeding do you find inappropriate OP? As others have said, her baby, her boobs, her choice…….if it helps her little one settle when she drops her off for childcare what does it matter that she puts the baby to breast in the car?

I had a similar comment from a childminder and that was the end of our relationship with her. My daughter was moved to a nursery and thrived there.
The issue isn’t breastfeeding. The issue is you being ignorant of child development needs.

OP are you a qualified childminder?

Is this one of those Uno Reverse gotcha posts?! Because I can't see anyone saying "sure childminder, you have the right to tell this mum how and when to breastfeed her own child to make your life easier".

You told her to only breastfeed before bringing the child and at night? What was the original plan? There's so much I don't understand about this.

At 22 months mine were both still breastfeeding but once a day - the one would have a need feed as it helped him soothe and settle as part of his bed time routine. The other would feed while I was still in bed so it felt like a bit a of a lie in before school run. At that age they'd drink during the day but water out of a cup, not a bottle.

Either terminate your services or invite her in to help settle her child in an appropriate environment. I wouldn't send my child to a childminder who left a mum to breastfeed on the driveway and tried to tell her if/when she could or should breastfeed.

It's the mother that the child finds comforting.
Childminder just needs to build her own relationship with the child to settle them.

What do you mean by qualified?

Goodness OP, I think you need to rethink your attitude towards your clients and towards breastfeeding and the interests of this child in your care. It's not to her detriment that she has a quick feed just before coming in to you. If you feel that the toddler is more unsettled for only just coming off his or her mum's boob, then why not invite the mum (your client...) in so she can feed her child comfortably in the childcare setting, which I'm sure the toddler would find more calming anyway?

In all honesty, if I were this mum, it'd be a deal-breaker for me and I'd be moving my child.

Oh please God tell me this person is not a dietitian.

I've worked with a few dietitians in my time (health/research adjacent role), and in my experience they are not this moralistic. Or thick.

I call reverse.

Mum, you're fine - carry on as you were.

Even with secure attachment, separation anxiety at 23 months old is NORMAL.

Is this a parody post?
You have to be joking..

You mind your own business about how her child is fed and I suggest also educating yourself on the WHO guidelines for breastfeeding. If you can't manage to settle a child in your care then perhaps further training would benefit you.

You've given her the advice which she is not following Now you need to let it go. You probably have overstepped the mark here already.

It Is nothing to do with you.
You are obviously anti BF.
It is shocking that you are so ill informed.
I hope she reports you to OFSTED.