Breastfeeding 23 month old

[CM26]

I am a childminder and have sadly butted heads with a parent. The child started with me when she was 1 yr ols and is now 2 yrs old. I spoke to parent about breastfeeding and bringing in a bottle as mum said she is very attached to the milk. Mum said she would not take a bottle. So I encouraged her to only breast feed in the morning before breakfast and then once she goes home. Mum has since the beginning been breast feeding on the driveway as she says the child is unsettled and unfortunately this child has been suffering with attachment anxiety. I have asked mum not to BF on the drive as I feel this is not helping her to settle. I feel my profession judgement is not being listened and I am at a point where I am stuck. I am all for breast feeding, but when it's appropriate!

This is bonkers. It's literally none of your business how or when a mum feeds her baby. I'd keep your odd advice to yourself.

Where’s OP?

Probably buried her head in the sand with shame haha!!

The child is in your care when they walk through the door, until then it’s not your problem. You are also completely wrong, and finally at 23 months, why is the child not drinking milk & water from a cup??? That’s what you should be working on!

at 23 months, why is the child not drinking milk & water from a cup??? That’s what you should be working on!
Where has it been stated that the child doesn't drink from a cup? The OP said she doesn't have a bottle, which as many posters have pointed out, she shouldn't be anyway. There's no suggestion that she only breastfeeds. In all probability this child, like the vast majority of breastfed toddlers, also eats and drinks plenty of other things - it's not either/or.

Wow. Sounds like you (and OP) might need to step away from working in childcare.

I've worked as a nanny for 10yrs. All the kids I've nannied for have been breastfed and not one has failed to settle and transition into my care. Some have struggled to find their feet at nursery but those nurseries tended to be very brusque and take your attitude of "they need to toughen up". The gentler, more intimate settings worked far better. One child even said goodbye to his mum on the first day and walked in without a single tear and a few weeks later took great delight in saying goodbye at the end of the road and walking in alone (Mum would obviously follow behind to check in with the staff etc)
My own breastfed toddler saw his grandparent in town and said "Mummy should go now. I'm going to soft play with Grandma!"

Dependence breeds independence. Children who can rely on their parent's love and connection (often expressed through breastfeeding) feel far more able to give independence a go than those who don't know what support there will be if it all goes sideways.

Also, childcare should be there for a parent's convenience. The setting needs to accommodate my and my child's needs. I'm not making changes to our food and nutrition - and more importantly, out relationship - to make their lives easier.

Maybe the problem is you rather than the breastmilk?

Utter rubbish. You clearly know nothing about BF and infant feeding. Suggest you either update your knowledge or keep your opinions yo yourself.

But out ! It’s not your decision and doubtful it’s even related to anxiety at all .

Yep I agree

I imagine your 'profession judgement' is being overlooked because you are a childminder, not a child psychologist, or a something of that nature. Why do you think your opinion trumps that of the mothers? Who is much more attuned to her own child's needs, than you.

Not your child, not your business. Your "professional" opinion ??? It's the mother who will decide what is right for her child. You sound very cold and not like the type of person I'd be wanting to look after my child !

I not really clear why you care if shes BF or not?

Hey OP, I feel like you've had a real savaging from the pro breast feeding brigade who just see one perspective! They miss the fact that this mother is using breastfeeding to soothe the kid's anxiety and a line has to be drawn under that at some point. The concern for you is that the mother is not trying to wean the kid off and what's the plan by the time the kid starts infant school? Stand at the school gate breastfeeding?

It sounds like you're genuinely interested so I can help you out. My daughter was breastfeeding when she started school and weaned naturally about a month after. What happens when you breastfeed to its natural conclusion is that it reduces naturally over time and in my daughter's case she didn't even feed every day. And certainly not at the school gates. They're called milk teeth for a reason. If they weren't meant to breastfeed at 2 then they wouldn't physically be able to. The decision is for the mother and her child and no-one else.

What does "pro-breastfeeding brigade" even mean? It's a natural human behaviour and I'm more concerned about those who seem to have a problem with it to be honest.

I was a childminder at a time when breast feeding was not so easy for women (70s and 80s) . I certainly would have invited her in to feed her child in comfort. Your “professional “ opinion doesn’t trump her opinion as a mother. And I can’t see how the comfort of a small feed can make it more difficult for the child to settle. Perhaps you could have a chat with the mother and see if you can come up with a strategy together that is different from your normal one to help her to settle. Perhaps suggest that she arrives early, feeds her in your home, whilst chatting to you so the little girl associates you with her comfort time. I also used to ask mums to empty their purse of anything precious except a few pennies, now I would say except an old credit card or store card, and ask the child to look after it. “Can you please look after my purse so we can go to the shop later” . The child may think Mum might not come back for them but they know the purse is important. It really worked with two children who were very anxious at being left and in both cases they used the purse as a sort of comfort blanket.

The child is not yet 2 years old so no need to worry about infant school just yet.

You seem to be using "pro breastfeeding" in a derogatory way, which is a shame.

But you are choosing to decide that you want view me as being derogatory even though I haven't been! But when I see people discussing breast feeding online they tend to be overly aggressive about it, desperate to force it on everyone everywhere and despise any one having a different opinion! That's why you are targeting me because my opinion is different to yours so you are trying to rally the troops! Such a shame!

YABVU.

What exactly is your professional qualification when it comes to breastfeeding?

I am feeding my 22 month old. I manage nursery drop off without a feed before most of the time but have to feed in the car on pick up. If someone at nursery tried to comment on my feeding my baby before or after nursery they would be told where to go. But I can’t imagine why they would comment, because 1. The benefits of bf a child to 2 and beyond are well known 2. It’s not their place

I'm sorry you've had such a negative experience with breastfeeding mothers. There's no "brigade" and there are no "troops" but I acknowledge that your own experiences may be colouring your view and making you feel that you are somehow isolated when entering a conversation about breastfeeding.

None of that changes the fact that it's not OPs place to decide when a child should stop breastfeeding.

No one here is forcing breastfeeding on anyone. This thread isn't about breast Vs formula. And (most) people are simply trying to defend a breastfeeding mother and get child against someone who is keen to force weaning before either party is ready. We don't "despise anyone having a different opinion". We "despise" people offering an uneducated, unhelpful, and unwelcome opinion on something that is deeply intimate, personal, and completely natural and normal.

There is absolutely no need for this parent to stop breastfeeding her toddler. By your "we have to draw a line at some point" logic, we might as well never do anything for our children because "they'll have to learn eventually". Where is the line? Why do you and this childminder get to decide? Why is biology not enough and why can't the parent and child decide for themselves?

I’m a teacher, and see how many parents can’t cut the apron strings and hold their child back - but this is a baby. This is not inappropriate- they are feedings it’s age appropriate. Mum and baby set this pace I’m afraid and you’re in the wrong here.

Let them in your house to do it.

I agree, this is really wrong