Breastfeeding 23 month old

[CM26]

I am a childminder and have sadly butted heads with a parent. The child started with me when she was 1 yr ols and is now 2 yrs old. I spoke to parent about breastfeeding and bringing in a bottle as mum said she is very attached to the milk. Mum said she would not take a bottle. So I encouraged her to only breast feed in the morning before breakfast and then once she goes home. Mum has since the beginning been breast feeding on the driveway as she says the child is unsettled and unfortunately this child has been suffering with attachment anxiety. I have asked mum not to BF on the drive as I feel this is not helping her to settle. I feel my profession judgement is not being listened and I am at a point where I am stuck. I am all for breast feeding, but when it's appropriate!

Holy fuck. This is so wrong I don’t know where to start!

I don’t think you have a leg to stand on here… if she wants to BF she can.. whether it’s on your drive or not. Why are you giving this mum BF advice? Your job is to care for the child that’s all. There must be other ways for child to settle (if that’s the issue) but if she’s been with you over a year surely she/he has settled by now

As others have said, this goes against research and latest information about breastfeeding.

On top of comfort, regulation, hydration etc. breastfeeding is known to be associated with lower risk of childhood obesity because the infant controls every feed and so learns appetite control as they recognise and respond to the feeling of fullness (satiety responsiveness). Lots of research/information out there e.g.

https://www.milkgenomics.org/?splash=how-breastfed-babies-control-their-own-appetite

https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22911888/

Nope. You absolutely should not be telling her that she can’t breastfeed her child! Feeding is something that will 100% help with a healthy attachment and make the child feel safe. My child (4.5) will still on occasion have a quick feed before he goes away from me for the day whilst I’m working. He is able to now tell me how much it means to him, how safe it makes him feel and how calming it is.

I think you need to work out why you think it’s an issue. It’s very normal for a child to be upset leaving their mum for their day. Support the child with cuddles if they are still upset when they get to you, and definitely don’t take one of the things away that make them feel safe!

Honestly, I've heard all kinds of shit from NHS dieticians when breastfeeding my babies. They learn nothing about it.

Yo are totally wrong about this. What problem does the mum’s breastfeeding cause you?

Why are you even suggesting a bottle for a 2-year-old? They can have milk from a cup from around 6 months so a bottle is completely unnecessary and you should know that as a professional! As for mum feeding, that's up to her really and not for you to tell her what to do with her child.

Team mum

Exactly. So feed the child, take her to the CM calmly (either by car or walking), actually converse with her on the way as a bonding method, then hand her over calmly and head to work. As most of us parents do. Plucking a child off the boob and shoving her through the door would be recipe for disaster, especially in a clingy child.

I came here to respond to dietician number 1 that their comment was the worst thing I've ever heard a health professional say (and whilst most healthcare professionals would not choose to publicly disclose their profession on here, let's just say I've spent a lot of time speaking to clinicians various). Luckily dietician number 2 nailed it.

If the issue is the mum is blocking OP's drive, making it difficult for other parents to get in and out, then fair enough but it's not really OP's place as a service provider to comment on breastfeeding pattern.

Hell would freeze over before I would consider you being capable of meeting a child’s care needs.

Why are you just making shit up? She could be doing all of that AND breastfeeding just before she goes in, with no 'plucking' or 'shoving' involved.

Well something is going wrong as the kid is not handling the transition well at all.

Some kids are just like that. She might be worse off without the breastfeeding.

You say you are "all for breastfeeding" but your actions say otherwise.
You seem to think breastfeeding has negative effects on the child.
Breastfeeding is perfectly normal and it is a healthy way of calming down the child.
Also bottle is wrong for for a 2 year old.
Please rethink your opinions. You might be a professional but it doesn't mean that all of your opinions are valid. No one is perfect and any professional should keep educating themselves in their field.

I know everyone's going in on OP for her attitude on breastfeeding but what's being missed is that OP's front driveway is her private property. I'd not want anyone standing in my front driveway with a boob out; I'd either invite them in or encourage them to do it in their car if it was nearby.

Yeah and that "something" HAS to be breastfeeding right? No other children are unhappy at dropoffs?
I BF both of mine for a while and they settled at nursery just fine. My second one was having trouble after coming back from a summer break after being settled for a year and a nursery worker actually had the gall to ask me if I'm still BF (I stopped just shortly before) because surely THAT could be the only reason!
What a ridiculous opinion.

Not it isn't, how embarrassing to say such things

Mum knows best. You’re overstepping a boundary.

Tbh I'd be more concerned that this child is not settled with you after a whole year, perhaps your setting is not the right environment for her.

My daughter started nursery at 1yo and was breastfed until over 3, she struggled to settle for the first few weeks at nursery and then was fine - they adapt to the way things are in each place, so there is no way this child isn't settling because of breastfeeding.

Surely OP does mean the mum is feeding in her car, it would be quite hard to stand and feed a toddler on a driveway!! I never even considered she didn't mean in their car.

I don't think OP's issue is the parking 🙈 She obviously thinks the mum breastfeeding her child immediately before handover is creating an issue, whereas in my experience the opposite is probably true and the child is likely looking for those few minutes of connection before they part and would be more upset without it.

It is blatantly obvious from your post that you have never got to know any breastfeeding mothers through your job as a dietician. If you had, you wouldn't say something so silly. Breastfeeding is not just about food. And being close to the breast or even latched on does not always mean a child is eating. Sometimes babies and toddlers suckle at the breast because they're overwhelmed/tired/stressed etc. It is home for the breastfed infant. I really think you should try to educate yourself on this because I would hate to think of young FTMs being discouraged from allowing their babies latch on for the reasons you stated above. I say all of the above with respect.

Honestly? You need a major retraining. You need to do better research on the benefits to both child health and healthy atrachment of extended breastfeeding. You need to be TRULY profressional. Support Mum. This us NOT your child and you are clearly coming from an old-fashioned, uneducated perspective with incorrect assumption. Perhaps speak to La Leche League and really educate yourself. "I support breadtfeeding BUT...."tell us all everything. Id be telling everyone to avoid you as an unprofessional childminder.

@CM26 I am also a childminder, In my experience of settling in children, the ones who are still breastfed beyond the year are usually far more anxious and hard to settle because we don’t have the option of mums breast being available as and when needed!

I guess it isn’t the Childminders place to have an opinion on when the mum should and shouldn’t breastfeed, but ultimately the child is unsettled and associates being settled with being breastfed and being with mum.

Unfortunately if one chooses to leave the child in daycare they have to ‘toughen up’ and not be pining for mums boob all day.

The fact that the mum is dragging it out to do it on the drive in my opinion isn’t helping the child to be independent it’s just keeping the anxiety in the child going right up to drop off therefor associating childminder with anxiety as the boob is then suddenly gone, right at the point that the child should be dropped off in a positive and confident manner not by longing out the comfort of breast.

Many of you will disagree with what I’ve said but I’ve over 25 years experience and I’ve seen it over and over again, this is always about the parents anxiety of not wanting to let go and less about the child!

And for the record, I’m happy for children to bring their comforter such as dummy/blankey/teddy as I know it’s difficult for some to feel at home, but we can’t give the boob! So the argument is absolutely right that it isn’t the right thing to do! (If the parent wants the child to be happy and confident)