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Original poster

Impact of death on daughter constipated sick and accidents

386 replies

WinterRach · 14/09/2025 21:39

Long story short my father in law died last weekend in an accident. DD and him were best of buddies doing everything together so she’s devastated we all are. Since Wednesday she’s been feeling sick not had a poo since Tuesday. I thought perhaps stress might slow her poo down she is eating less. Being sick and wetting at night which again putting down to stress. She has been sick tonight with the pain

My neighbours daughter is a pharmacist she told us to try dulcolax suppositories which I gave her around 6. She’s managed to poo about 10 hard rocks of poo some in the loo some not I’ve had her in the bath to try and help go she’s been on in and out of the bath on the floor and back on the loo. Im pretty sure its just her constipated but I guess you never know what grief can do to them.

Her hands and feet are ice cold too. Ive popped winter fluffy pjs and fluffy socks on now popped towels on the bathroom floor and giver her a hot water bop for her belly.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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MasterPlaster · 19/09/2025 18:15

SlightlyMadMarchHare · 19/09/2025 17:34

I am very sorry to hear what is happening with your daughter. Has anyone mentioned the possibility of crohn’s disease? Symptoms during a flare up can include urine retention and severe constipation (or diarrhoea). Could explain ulceration. Stress is a major trigger.

This definitely needs ruling out.

Original poster
WinterRach · 19/09/2025 18:20

We have plenty of pictures. We have put in a request for the notes on what was written on Wednesday when she was in agony, and they left her. They came back with a reply that it could take up to a month to get that. She last had morphine early hours this morning and has managed on paracetamol, but her body is hurting again, she is feeling sick, and her blood pressure is low now, it's 81/34. It has been around 100/50 all along. She managed to have a poo, if you can call it that, just one had rock-like poo, and it was so painful and took a long time of straining and cramps. Her wee is less brown which is positive.

I don't know the answers to a lot of questions, sadly. I wish we had Martha's law, but it sounds horrendous for that poor family. She has had a sudden change all of a sudden she has gone pale with so much pain in her chest

OP posts:
Kirbert2 · 19/09/2025 18:21

Alittlefeedbackwouldbenice · 19/09/2025 17:51

It's certainly possible to be so constipated that you can't wee, and then the bladder to get so full that it makes it even harder to poo. When this happened to someone I know they catheterised then dealt with the constipation and only once that is done did they take the catheter out. They certainly didn't give opiate medication as that's notorious for causing constipation.

I'm confused here how they don't seem to be trying to deal with the constipation. If they were, being blunt, she wouldn't be going anywhere for even a few minutes, let alone possibly going anywhere tomorrow, as she'd need access to the toilet immediately at all times/be in pads/nappies, as what they'd be giving her (from either end) would mean she wouldn't have much control.

They gave my son opiate medication because nothing else was touching the pain when he had a bowel obstruction which caused constipation. It would've been cruel to withhold stronger pain relief. They did insert a NG tube to help stop the vomiting too..

CabbageWater · 19/09/2025 18:35

WinterRach · 19/09/2025 15:35

She’s been diagnosed with constipation and IBS which they are not overly concerned about which was the main reason we came in. The local hospital caused the perforation of the oesophagus and there’s also tummy’s ulcerated. The urine retention well that’s anyone’s guess because they are being useless. The gastric team today are adamant she won’t have any more problems with the advice drink more, walk more, have a less anxious bladder... She was given soft food diet but they took away again. I wouldn’t even give my dog some of the food she’s been given She doesn’t yet but could develop sepsis rapidly if the perforated oesophagus leaked into her heart or lungs that’s the risk. It’s been clipped closed and should come out in her poo. But there is only so much straining she can do she needs laxatives. We asked does her bowel have anxiety too? 😰

We have had her out of the ward today walking around and change of scenery. Tomorrow we are taking her out for the afternoon if she’s well enough.

We are fighting for her but there’s only so much we can do! We have conversations with them every day sometimes every hour. We are keeping a record off all the things they’ve done wrong and it’s a rather big ever growing list. We will make a complaint but not now. I don’t want worse treatment in retaliation of a complaint.

Could you be transferred somewhere else? Any children's hospital not too far away?

justasking111 · 19/09/2025 19:09

limetrees32 · 19/09/2025 17:53

of her bed, please take pics of the pages! you dont know when you will need them and if you do, invariably pages will go missing!!
Very good point ,I experienced missing note syndrome after newborn ended up in NICS.

My DIL a solicitor photographed all the notes when her husband was in and mismanaged. They tried to say only the patient was allowed to see them. She put them straight.

MasterPlaster · 19/09/2025 19:59

I’m not sure all relevant notes are kept at the end of the bed now, but it certainly wouldn’t hurt.

Alittlefeedbackwouldbenice · 19/09/2025 20:35

Kirbert2 · 19/09/2025 18:21

They gave my son opiate medication because nothing else was touching the pain when he had a bowel obstruction which caused constipation. It would've been cruel to withhold stronger pain relief. They did insert a NG tube to help stop the vomiting too..

Show quote history

Absolutely if they can't do anything else, but they don't seem to be doing anything to unbung her, which is madness.

To not get to grips with the constipation plus give constipation causing painkillers is a recipe for disaster.

Kirbert2 · 19/09/2025 21:02

Alittlefeedbackwouldbenice · 19/09/2025 20:35

Absolutely if they can't do anything else, but they don't seem to be doing anything to unbung her, which is madness.

To not get to grips with the constipation plus give constipation causing painkillers is a recipe for disaster.

Show quote history

I know. This hospital doesn't seem to be much better than the other one.

Original poster
WinterRach · 19/09/2025 22:06

We thought this hospital would be better but it appears the health system in Cork & Kerry is very much broken. The nearest children’s hospital is in Dublin, which is 3 hours away only the sickest of the sick go there.

They are exceptionally usless. We called them for help she couldnt breathe being sick and pain in her neck, arms, shoulders and burning chest pain. It took them 15 minutes to come back with morphine. This lasted for about 45 minutes and she feel asleep missing dinner. She has no mind for even drinking water. She has a new cough since this and finding it hard to breath I have asked them is this a sign its leaking, they said theyd let the doctor know.

The laxatives are working slowly. She has had 2 poos and lots of wind. Her belly is still very bloated. We asked again for the plan and they are saying it's conservative management at the moment. Her arms are black and blue we counted 14 times she has had a needle in her arms and 5 times in her little feet. They cant get blood tonight so they have called someone I am guessing a doctor to come and try

OP posts:
justmyluck1234 · 19/09/2025 22:12

Honestly my heart aches for you and your family. This sounds absolutely dreadful. I don’t know how the health system works where you are but she sounds pretty unwell to me. I would try to push for this children’s hospital. I’ve been following and was hoping she’d be on the mend when you were able to move hospitals. I’m not much help but truly hoping things improve for your poor DD x

Kirbert2 · 19/09/2025 23:35

WinterRach · 19/09/2025 22:06

We thought this hospital would be better but it appears the health system in Cork & Kerry is very much broken. The nearest children’s hospital is in Dublin, which is 3 hours away only the sickest of the sick go there.

They are exceptionally usless. We called them for help she couldnt breathe being sick and pain in her neck, arms, shoulders and burning chest pain. It took them 15 minutes to come back with morphine. This lasted for about 45 minutes and she feel asleep missing dinner. She has no mind for even drinking water. She has a new cough since this and finding it hard to breath I have asked them is this a sign its leaking, they said theyd let the doctor know.

The laxatives are working slowly. She has had 2 poos and lots of wind. Her belly is still very bloated. We asked again for the plan and they are saying it's conservative management at the moment. Her arms are black and blue we counted 14 times she has had a needle in her arms and 5 times in her little feet. They cant get blood tonight so they have called someone I am guessing a doctor to come and try

I'm glad that the laxatives seem to be working. The plan sounds like they are just bumbling along with little idea of what is actually wrong with her which is very worrying.

I'm sorry that she is still suffering so much xx

Muffinmam · 20/09/2025 06:11

WinterRach · 19/09/2025 16:06

They have said they think it’s been triggered by grandads death which has trigged the ulcer. They took some biopsies but had to do an emergency stop when they perforated her. They are planning on doing another scope in 8 weeks time with full sedation to look again. They did speak about open surgery in the hours after the error on Tuesday but they’ve not spoken of that again. Sorry I did also forget she has a hernia in there too. My head is scattered

Oh dear, an ulcer isn’t triggered by stress!!

Stress could lower your bodies immunity making you susceptible to infection but it isn’t stress that causes an ulcer.

Doctors used to think it was stress until Barry Marshall and Robin Warren discovered in 1982 that most stomach ulcers are caused by the bacterium Helicobacter pylori (H. pylori). They won a Nobel prize for this discovery!

What was causing your daughter’s shoulder pain? Was it the perforated oesophagus?

I wouldn’t be able to keep my mouth shut around these doctors.

Before you continue to Google Search

https://www.google.com/search?sca_esv=f04038ad81816743&cs=0&sxsrf=AE3TifPPVNQKNdngJqWyw6CEOA4MNf2K0A%3A1758344852097&q=Helicobacter+pylori&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwjsr5OCyeaPAxXA-jgGHX_hDgUQxccNegQIAxAC&mstk=AUtExfAv9PDVJUsKUAPkhC7QhaCVgdhUHZRWp8U51jTxeGKTlkVpp04XtTu5SMxSrZKPcFfubkuGL_T5JrsPz4vETJuSOVut19sEE_55ED-femoZcrya6VtY3NxvA86R9pyoeVCicAc0VE_Jir1zs9SELGsyUxQtiLJytkLjfKrMWary7FtUjutkWT5afAWPGr-3vfKrK7jccA-HfeuqIznyB97mJxCZ3iOyCE5cXJS04XRJumaQHxDG8xks3bUvwAIkLqQibnZad344nDIhZn0WJ57QydIZ4WHtY24eqV_jCYcQBQ&csui=3

JellyRollBlues · 20/09/2025 07:21

OP, I have no medical training or relevant knowledge, so I can only continue to offer you a hand hold and say my thoughts are with you and your daughter. Wishing you strength as you go through these dreadful times.

limetrees32 · 20/09/2025 07:25

@WinterRach have they got her on a drip ?
If she's struggling to drink because it burns when she does so and has dark wee she sounds dehydrated.
I appreciate there might be a reason not to put her on a drip , just wondered.

Justyouwaitandseeagain · 20/09/2025 08:07

Oh OP, this sounds awful. Keep advocating and calmly but persistently fighting for your girl. I would be pushing for Dublin transfer if you can. Don't let them put this down to stress or the bereavement. They need to keep focused on the physical symptoms. My mum was seriously ill and we had to keep pushing and pushing for scans and referrals to the specialist hospital. The symptoms your DD is showing (esp now they've torn her oesophagus too, really would make me want to push for most specialist care you can. If you can't get a referral keep pushing for them to treat it seriously. Recording everything like you are doing is brilliant. You are the experts in your daughter so keep reminding them how hard she is trying and how severely this is impacting her.

Montereyjaaack · 20/09/2025 08:49

Hi OP I am so sorry for what you are all going through.
To me - having a disabled DD who gets constipated easily - she needs fluids. She needs to be hydrated to get bloods and for laxatives to help.
Has she seen a paediatrician?
Ask them why she isn’t on a drip - if her oesophagus is too sore to swallow or she’s being sick still they should have that much under control.
Ask them this morning if there’s a plan to transfer her or whether they could seek guidance from Dublin if they don’t have answers.
Are they doing blood gases regularly?
some pain meds make constipation worse..,,
Keep pushing OP… they will have to do something if you ask for a second opinion.

FcukBreastCancer · 20/09/2025 09:24

Op I've been following your thread. My dh is a colorectal surgeon (tho adults) and I've just run this past him.

We are UK. He would send a child to a specialist children's hospital for just the endoscopy. From what I surmised from your thread he said she should be in a children's hospital.

We have a 12 yo daughter so I really feel for you.

Original poster
WinterRach · 20/09/2025 09:53

We have asked for a new team the response was “we will have to see Monday” I asked would the doctors be in over the weekend and “it depends on the team”. She’s now not touched 3 meals they’ve given her. She has been drinking the juice though so it’s something. We did some googling last night and her current consultant is colorectal which isn’t her issue. We questioned this and they told us he’s the emergency surgery on call this week so that’s why she’s under him.

Things seem to be getting worse. Today’s update is she’s slept all night and all day so far I know it’s early but usually she’s been up and about. She’s had 1 wee today again this was brown. It was clear ish going to bed they wanted a sample because they “forgot to test it” after the cathater on Wednesday. In her sleep and in her sleepy state she’s got a lot of urethra pain irritating and itchy for the last few hours. I’ve asked the nurses to check and said they would in a bit (we have looked and it looks all normal to us). She is increasingly feeling more sick on movement. We are going to have to use the shower chair today she’s so weak.

Ive asked about Dublin but she doesn’t meet the criteria what ever that means. I’m really trying hard not to swear at them or here!

She needs to drink more is there view on fluids. She doesn’t need fluids apparently even though her BP was 81/37 this morning again. They did it twice on each arm and took her best of highest one for the record.

I don’t know what a blood gas is but they have taken bloods every day. They are checking what the antibiotics are doing to her bloods

Im honestly shocked with her care I known she’s mine but it’s just getting worse

OP posts:
Original poster
WinterRach · 20/09/2025 09:59

The food is also questionable. This was soup this morning 🫩

Impact of death on daughter constipated sick and accidents
OP posts:
turkeyboots · 20/09/2025 10:05

Weekends are hard in hospital. You might get lucky with a senior consultant on call, or just get whatever random doctor is around. The lack of 24/7 coverage is a ongoing scandal.
Is your DH around? I hate to say it but often a man asking questions and demanding a plan gets a better response.
I do hope your DC starts to feel better and you get a break from the ward.

TheBroonOneAndTheWhiteOne · 20/09/2025 10:20

Hi @WinterRach

Nothing much happens in hospitals over the weekend, so your daughter won't get a new doctor or be transferred anywhere. Medical and nursing cover at the weekend is reserved for really acute wards like ICU and A & E.

I'm sorry that your DD isn't improving.

turkeyboots · 20/09/2025 10:21

Oh and from experience there maybe no hot dinners tomorrow. In all the hospitals I've been/visiting in Ireland, the catering staff work a half day on Sundays. You'll get some form of sandwich. Not that it's likely to be edible anyway, but get someone to bring you both food.

Flux1 · 20/09/2025 10:26

God I'm so sorry that you and your DD are not getting better support. If at all possible you should push to have her transferred to one of the children's hospitals in Dublin. Maybe try contacting your local TD for support.

spiderlight · 20/09/2025 10:54

Oh love her - this sounds absolutely awful. Why on earth don't they have her on IV fluids?!

Om83 · 20/09/2025 11:08

So sorry to read all this trauma for you all, I’m absolutely amazed/disgusted at how you’re being treated. You would absolutely think a drip for fluids at least would be a no brainer… is the pain referred pain from her oesophageal tear?? Surely operating on her oesophageal is a specialist procedure in a 12 yr old so does that not warrant referral to Dublin at least??

the blood gases are to check things like respiratory function -oxygen and co2, but also pH balance which can be used to monitor things like acidosis (sign of sepsis) and also kidney function.