Step children have never been to the dentist, what happens now?

[rose9826]

My partner's two children, 8 and 10 have never been taken to the dentist. 10 year old has a hole in her tooth, and the 8 year old has some weird lump in her gum at the minute that hurts and she also has a hole.
I've told their dad that it's actually classed as neglect if they've never been, and they have holes and she's not had them looked at.
I know their mum's teeth are bad too.
When we have them their dad is constantly trying to get into their heads that they need to brush their teeth every morning and night regardless of what mummy says (apparently she said before that they don't need to brush their teeth every day) and it doesn't seem like she enforces it as a basic hygiene rule either.

I'm just wondering what will happen when she hopefully does take them to the dentist, will it get flagged up with social services?
I have a good relationship with their mum and obviously don't want her to get into trouble but I also think it's appalling that they have never been. I have two of my own that are 2 and 5 and they go to the dentist, as do I.
I said to their dad if she can't/won't take them soon, I will sign them up to my dentist, but I feel like it's her responsibility as their mother to get it done regardless of what has stopped her from doing it all these years.

Just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation and what's happened?

The dentist will roll their eyes( invisibly) and deal with the tooth problems the 2 children are suffering. He/ she will give them a free toothbrush each and say they should brush twice a day. If it's a dentist that is in their local area they will see this every single day. It is pathetic and lazy . Lots of parents are pathetic and lazy. It's not your problem. It is for your husband to deal with

He should do it on his annual leave - like everyone else does.

Nothing will happen - it’s treated the same as when kids are overweight or not taken to an optician.

Considering the state of NHS dentistry, it won’t be unusual for kids to not see a dentist and when they do it’s because was GP has told them that they can’t help with teeth.

My children see a dentist privately. Eldest, born in 2017 has been on a couple of nhs waiting lists pretty much his whole life. My NHS dentist closed their books too new patients over 10 years ago. They’ve never reopened them. My husband’s NHS dentist retired, and he was offered a place with his replacement, however he only accepts private patients. I’m in the North East.

You're married to a wet lettuce who's neglected his own children.

Failed to man up, leaving all the tedious family admin to the incompetent woman, shrugging his shoulders when she claimed she was being responsible - when it should have been obvious to him their dental health was deteriorating.

In what other areas is she neglecting them - is this tip of the iceberg?

He must register them with a dentist near your home and take over responsibility for this. It's essential.

And do not let him shift responsibility for this onto you. 'The woman.' HE goes.

And he listens when the dentist gives him their 'opinion' on how this has been allowed to happen.

Might be wise for you to go too and record what they say so you can stand united with their father when he reports the dentist's verdict and instructions to their mother.

He gets them brushes and toothpaste etc and asks the dentist to tell them direct exactly how to brush, when and how often.

Here is what the NSPCC says about neglect, including dental:

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/what-is-child-abuse/types-of-abuse/neglect/#types

Why hasn't their dad taken them to the dentist?

Only if you can find a nhs dentist willing to take them

Not true , I take my niece with me as her parents aren't registered with a nhs dentist but I am . They said a responsible adult was fine to both register and accompany

He found time to start a relationship with you after having children but not time to ever take his own children to the dentist?

Unless there's other signs of neglect, such as obvious hygiene issues, questionable injuries, etc, then I highly doubt the dentist will report you.

There's a huge dental health crisis for UK children, a huge part is lack of NHS dentists. Even if they were reported I expect ss would close the case immediately.

Unfortunately it sounds like you may be the most proactive adult that cares enough to help them.

Working full time does not excuse him from not taking his children either. This is not the win you think it is.

I hope you are holding your husband EQUALLY accountable too?

No apparently not.

Speaks volumes about him and to be honest about you..

If the children have holes in their teeth and possible abscesses this needs sorting urgently. Their father needs to move mountains to get them an appointment and take unpaid parental leave if necessary to take them. Even if it means an unexpected shortfall in income. It's that important.

EXACTLY. everyone is jumping to conclusions when in fact he works full time, very long days every single week, he does not have time to take them unfortunately. He can't miss work because we are not well off at all, every single penny counts. Their mother does not work so she could take them.

Is this a joke?

I’m a single parent working full time.

My pennies count way more than yours and your DH’s do because there is just 1 of me.

I still don’t neglect my children.

Your DH is just as responsible as their mother.

Why would your DH refuse to take them purely because mum won’t?

If I shared custody and the other parent wasn’t doing something, then I would make sure that I did it myself.

Your DH has annual leave, why doesn’t he take them then like every other parent does.

How do you think other parents cope?

Annual leave.

Time off work to be with his kids.

His responsibility.

I would beg or borrow to take them if it were me. I would go without for them even if they weren’t my children.

Every single one of you has failed those children. You feel judged. So you should.

Actually you should be ashamed of yourself and questioning your choose of husband. But you aren’t. You are defensive and trying to justify it.

Your partner needs to take the bull by the horns and register the children with a dentist. He then needs to take them to the appointments. Forget about their Mum, yes she should have taken them to the dentist and yes she has lied to your partner. Those are separate issues to the most important one, which is getting both children registered and seen by a dentist. Both children are likely to have no idea how to clean their teeth properly, and this now needs to be taught by your partner (or you). In all honesty I would clean their teeth for them in the morning (or evening, whichever is preferable) and teach them how to brush in the evening for themselves. It needs to be drummed into them that teeth cleaning should be twice per day. On a side note if either child were ever to need a brace in the future, no dentist will refer them to an orthodontist, if their oral hygiene isn't up to scratch. You know yourself, that your partner is as much to blame for the situation as the children's Mum. I doubt very much you'd get reported to social services.

You have picked a guy that has chosen to pretend he believes his lying ex about the healthcare of his children rather than step up and make sure they're getting the care they need. In spite of the clear evidence that they're health is at serious risk.

And you want him in your life? Really?

Some people will do anything for d

Does this man have any redeeming features?

What attracts you to a man who you know and admit is neglects his own children?

I don't get it.

This would be the ultimate turn off for me.

Poor kids.

I think (once the teeth are sorted) the appropriate question would be what ELSE have this pair of deadbeats forgotten about?

Eyesight?
Hearing?
Periods?
Secondary school application for the older one?

Dentists are open after school you know. I normally get DD's appointments for 4.45pm.

I forgot vaccinations on my previous list.

EXACTLY. everyone is jumping to conclusions when in fact he works full time, very long days every single week, he does not have time to take them unfortunately.

A shit excuse for a shit dad.