Page 5 | Step children have never been to the dentist, what happens now?

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NiftyKoala · 09/03/2025 16:49

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 08/03/2025 22:30

He has neglected them just as much as she has

This. There is no reason for him not to take them. They are his kids too.

doodahdayy · 09/03/2025 16:51

Lots of parents work full time. I do when not on maternity leave. I sure as hell don't neglect my older child's teeth

Squeakpopcorn · 09/03/2025 16:59

rose9826 · 09/03/2025 11:44

EXACTLY. everyone is jumping to conclusions when in fact he works full time, very long days every single week, he does not have time to take them unfortunately. He can't miss work because we are not well off at all, every single penny counts. Their mother does not work so she could take them. In my opinion it's laziness and not realising the real implications of infected teeth etc. I don't understand why people are jumping on the band wagon to bash me when it's literally nothing to do with me and they don't know the full story. I'm not married to him. I didn't know they had never been to the dentist until very recently. I just thought it was standard because I grew up going to the dentist every 6 months. And was taught how important it is to brush my teeth twice a day. People don't realise that all blended families have different dynamics. You lot don't know what I've said to their dad. You're all acting like I'm coddling him while blaming their mum. Not the case. All I wanted to know was what would happen when they do go as many people have told me ss will get involved. And no it's not because I don't want my partner to get in trouble. I couldn't give a shit if he did, make your bed and lay in it. I would say I told you so. My two children have perfect teeth and brush twice daily so I have nothing to worry about. I as a step mother try my hardest to implement good habits with the step children and encourage them to brush twice daily and tell their mum or dadwhen something hurts in their mouth, there's only so much I can do, I have no legal rights or responsibilities over those children.
I will not be posting in this forum again after the way I've been attacked for asking a simple question and been met with judgement, nastiness and assumptions. Thank you to everyone who actually commented some helpful advice without judgement.

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Does he not ever take holiday?

RavenclawWitchy · 09/03/2025 17:01

Why does it matter what will happen? Just take them for god sake.

Quornflakegirl · 09/03/2025 17:08

Shame and their mother and equally shame on their father. He can take time off work and take his children to the dentist. You are not in the equation with regard to their health.

NiftyKoala · 09/03/2025 17:16

doodahdayy · 09/03/2025 16:51

Lots of parents work full time. I do when not on maternity leave. I sure as hell don't neglect my older child's teeth

Me too. I'm also a single mom so no one else can do it but me. These kids are being failed by both parents. But I get the feeling OP was expecting a avalanche of replies about how horrible the ex is. She is but he is equally neglecting these kids.

JohnofWessex · 09/03/2025 18:06

rose9826 · 09/03/2025 11:44

EXACTLY. everyone is jumping to conclusions when in fact he works full time, very long days every single week, he does not have time to take them unfortunately. He can't miss work because we are not well off at all, every single penny counts. Their mother does not work so she could take them. In my opinion it's laziness and not realising the real implications of infected teeth etc. I don't understand why people are jumping on the band wagon to bash me when it's literally nothing to do with me and they don't know the full story. I'm not married to him. I didn't know they had never been to the dentist until very recently. I just thought it was standard because I grew up going to the dentist every 6 months. And was taught how important it is to brush my teeth twice a day. People don't realise that all blended families have different dynamics. You lot don't know what I've said to their dad. You're all acting like I'm coddling him while blaming their mum. Not the case. All I wanted to know was what would happen when they do go as many people have told me ss will get involved. And no it's not because I don't want my partner to get in trouble. I couldn't give a shit if he did, make your bed and lay in it. I would say I told you so. My two children have perfect teeth and brush twice daily so I have nothing to worry about. I as a step mother try my hardest to implement good habits with the step children and encourage them to brush twice daily and tell their mum or dadwhen something hurts in their mouth, there's only so much I can do, I have no legal rights or responsibilities over those children.
I will not be posting in this forum again after the way I've been attacked for asking a simple question and been met with judgement, nastiness and assumptions. Thank you to everyone who actually commented some helpful advice without judgement.

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Its a situation I can identify with, I mad my oldest on alternate weekends and was working full time - his mother had moved 60 miles away so if I had been in the situation the OP is in getting him to a dentist would have been a major issue.

His mother did believe he had a dairy allergy and took him to an unrecognised practitioner to diagnose a dairy allergy so I gave her and the practitioner a flea in the ear and did go to see his GP but I can understand the position the OP finds herself in and have so sympathy for the mother in this situation.

If possible I suggest that the OP & her partner need to become the 'parents with care'

HollyIvie · 09/03/2025 22:01

Most people work long hours or full time and manage to take their kids to the dentist - after school, time for appointments or annual leave. This isn't really an excuse and if mum
Isn't stepping up dad needs to take responsibility. The kids need to have their teeth checked!!

0ctavia · 09/03/2025 22:16

Everyone who is employed full time should get the legal minimum of 5.6 weeks annual leave each year. So the Ops partner has had 280 days annual leave since his 10 year old was born, but he’s not managed to use one hour to take to her to the dentist.

Yet another lazy useless father who is trying to blame his ex for his own failings. He is as guilty of neglect as she is.

Prettybubblesintheair · 09/03/2025 22:29

I’m the manager of a dental practice. We wouldn’t contact SS. That happens when booked appointments are continually missed. The dentist will definitely have a frank, blunt conversation about the implications of not having regular dental check ups. But in all honesty these kids have at least 3 (mum, dad and you) adults in their lives who should have made this happen and it’s shameful that it hasn’t.

Their father is equally responsible for their oral health, he should have taken an afternoon off to take them. It doesn’t take long for two kids check ups, 30 minutes tops. They should have been having flouride applied, minor cavities filled to avoid decay and infection. It’s an absolute disgrace on both parents and I couldn’t be in a relationship with someone who sat back and watched this happen. You say mum told him she’d taken them, does he never talk to his kids? “Hey I heard you went to the dentist! How was it?!”

Poor kids and shame on both parents.

lunar1 · 10/03/2025 06:33

Oh, he has a very important MAN job where he doesn't even get the legal holiday entitlement? That explains it all.

It's a wonder his highness had time to start a relationship.

PassOnThat · 10/03/2025 09:44

When one parent drops the ball, the other parent is responsible for picking it up regardless of the family set-up.

I assume this is the principle on which schools happily fine NRPs as well as RPs for non-attendance even though they don't have day-to-day care. Because it's not good enough to say "look at her, she's the one who is failing, punish her!" The NRP is expected to step in and make things happen for the kids if the RP is not doing it.

SomewhereinSuberbia · 10/03/2025 09:48

Yes, it is one of the things that Social Services look at if they investigate a family as it shows consistancy of care.
If a child was suffering, i.e. in pain for toothache, it could be reported by someone.

Whiterose0356 · 18/07/2025 16:36

rose9826 · 08/03/2025 22:28

My partner's two children, 8 and 10 have never been taken to the dentist. 10 year old has a hole in her tooth, and the 8 year old has some weird lump in her gum at the minute that hurts and she also has a hole.
I've told their dad that it's actually classed as neglect if they've never been, and they have holes and she's not had them looked at.
I know their mum's teeth are bad too.
When we have them their dad is constantly trying to get into their heads that they need to brush their teeth every morning and night regardless of what mummy says (apparently she said before that they don't need to brush their teeth every day) and it doesn't seem like she enforces it as a basic hygiene rule either.

I'm just wondering what will happen when she hopefully does take them to the dentist, will it get flagged up with social services?
I have a good relationship with their mum and obviously don't want her to get into trouble but I also think it's appalling that they have never been. I have two of my own that are 2 and 5 and they go to the dentist, as do I.
I said to their dad if she can't/won't take them soon, I will sign them up to my dentist, but I feel like it's her responsibility as their mother to get it done regardless of what has stopped her from doing it all these years.

Just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation and what's happened?

I know exactly how you feel. My partners ex has spun us lies for years saying she's done this and done that. (My partner had sorted a dentist and eye test out when she walked out the 1st time.) When she begged saying she'd got help for her depression and wanted to be in her life again my partner gave my stepdaughter back after she built the relationship back. She moves 100 miles away for a fresh start then she walks away from my stepdaughter again as she can't "cope" with their behaviour and cares more for the new boyfriend, the truth comes out.

We asked when the next eye test and dentist appointments are and where they are registered all we get is. School does it, and she only goes when she has tooth ache....luckily eveyone we have dealt with have been understanding and have not said anything. But my stepdaughters teeth wasn't that bad, it was more her eyes and her mum wears glasses....if your that worried ask them both if it's ok and then take the girls yourself.

wishIwasonholiday10 · 19/07/2025 06:38

BeRoseSloth · 09/03/2025 11:51

Unless this is sarcasm you’re incorrect. Children get free dental care on the NHS.

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Hahaha. There is not a single dentist in my city taking on children as NHS patients. Even though DH and I pay privately neither dentist will take our child on the NHS. We found one who checks children’s teeth for free without receiving funding for it but if treatment was needed we would be paying privately I imagine.

JFDIYOLO · 19/07/2025 10:19

Yet another man throws his hands in the air with a ‘not my problem…’ attitude. This is about his own children’s welfare - so of course it's women's work to manage it...

And their own mother is being useless so what does he do - man up, step up and and take control? … Nope, leaves it to unrelated woman number two to bother herself about it. Pass the buck.

This. Is. NEGLECT. They are both guilty.

He (NOT YOU) needs to contact your family dentist, explain the situation and ask to register them there. Yet, it will cost. NHS is screwed. Parenting is expensive. Budget.

He (NOT YOU) needs to make an appointment for an examination, consultation and treatment plan.

What will happen?

He (NOT YOU) needs to steel himself to the fact that yes the dentist will probably read him the riot act about neglect.

They will then get on with caring for the children and presenting him with the bill.

To him: Suck it up, mate and teach your children to care for themselves.

Dentistry is complex - but there is the outside chance social services may get involved.

This is long but he and their mother need to read it:
https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/health-matters-child-dental-health/health-matters-child-dental-health

And this, on dental neglect:
https://dentistry.co.uk/2017/02/23/dental-neglect-child-protection/

And you should take careful note of his attitude to children's wellbeing and ‘women’s work’.

Health matters: child dental health

https://www.gov.uk/government/publications/health-matters-child-dental-health/health-matters-child-dental-health

JFDIYOLO · 19/07/2025 10:29

Ha, another old one popping up as trending ...

OP, has anything changed? Has he done his duty?

CherryRipe1 · 19/07/2025 10:58

Not rtft. Since 2003 if a father in on a birth certificate he has parental responsibility so if he IS he can register & take the children to the dentist. If he's not then he cannot but presumably the mother would be held responsible in the event of any interventions.

99bottlesofkombucha · 19/07/2025 11:13

For goodness sake op, what did you expect? ‘Their mum has never taken him, so I might take them’ no mention at all of his work hours etc, why the fuck doesn’t he take his own children to the dentist is the first question that came to mind for everyone reading.