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Original poster

Step children have never been to the dentist, what happens now?

119 replies

rose9826 · 08/03/2025 22:28

My partner's two children, 8 and 10 have never been taken to the dentist. 10 year old has a hole in her tooth, and the 8 year old has some weird lump in her gum at the minute that hurts and she also has a hole.
I've told their dad that it's actually classed as neglect if they've never been, and they have holes and she's not had them looked at.
I know their mum's teeth are bad too.
When we have them their dad is constantly trying to get into their heads that they need to brush their teeth every morning and night regardless of what mummy says (apparently she said before that they don't need to brush their teeth every day) and it doesn't seem like she enforces it as a basic hygiene rule either.

I'm just wondering what will happen when she hopefully does take them to the dentist, will it get flagged up with social services?
I have a good relationship with their mum and obviously don't want her to get into trouble but I also think it's appalling that they have never been. I have two of my own that are 2 and 5 and they go to the dentist, as do I.
I said to their dad if she can't/won't take them soon, I will sign them up to my dentist, but I feel like it's her responsibility as their mother to get it done regardless of what has stopped her from doing it all these years.

Just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation and what's happened?

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Ivyy · 08/03/2025 23:06

Nothing will happen, sadly it's common for kids to have teeth in poor condition, dentists see it all the time. They might question their brushing habits and how much their diets/ drinks contain sugar, give advice or a bit of a lecture, but they won't go to social services.

No point people bashing your partner, the main goal at the moment is for you to just get them to a dentist op.

Maybe talk to their Mum as well as your partner about needing to get them seen asap, because the longer things like cavities and abscesses are left, the more issues they cause. A cavity might take longer to cause pain and damage, hopefully it's not an adult tooth, but an abscess (if that's what the lump on the gum is) can cause a really nasty infection and make you very poorly. I had one as a kid and remember my Mum being told by the dentist she should've brought me in sooner as it could've caused blood poisoning.

ReadingSoManyThreads · 08/03/2025 23:15

In terms of what sounds like an abscess. Get her to swish dissolved salt in water around her mouth for as long as she can bear before spitting it out. You can use a cotton bud to put some pressure on it to drain it out, do that a couple of times per day and do the salt wash about 5 times per day. That'll kill any infection and help clean it out for healing. Hopefully will be gone in a few days.

PassOnThat · 08/03/2025 23:57

Xylitol may help to reduce gum and tooth swelling and promote better oral hygiene but they both need to be seen asap by a dentist, especially the one with the abscess.

I imagine the dentist will make your partner feel very, very small for having neglected his children to the point of pain and permanent tooth damage, but nothing else will come of it, poor dental health is fairly common amongst children.

JohnofWessex · 09/03/2025 00:09

Your partner needs to get the children registered with a dentist asap, in the meanwhile 111 can get them a Community Dental Service appointment to get them treated.

Clearly it may be that your partner doesnt have the children at a time when he can get them to the dentist but he needs to put his foot down with their mother if she isnt getting them register with a dentist and is neglecting their hygiene, this includes moving them in with him full time.

ForPoliteHam · 09/03/2025 05:19

I don't know how you could find a man who's so blatantly failed his own children attractive, but it takes all sorts I suppose.

You're dodging all the comments saying it's not about your husband, but it is, or should be. Maybe you don't want to face how pathetic he is yet, but I hope you do before you breed with him.

BlondiePortz · 09/03/2025 05:22

I would hope that if it keeps up social services would be involved, your partner needs to get off his backside and do something

RedHelenB · 09/03/2025 05:34

Mumtobabyhavoc · 08/03/2025 22:42

But, she's not.

Show quote history

This.

Crazyhousewife23 · 09/03/2025 05:37

rose9826 · 08/03/2025 22:28

My partner's two children, 8 and 10 have never been taken to the dentist. 10 year old has a hole in her tooth, and the 8 year old has some weird lump in her gum at the minute that hurts and she also has a hole.
I've told their dad that it's actually classed as neglect if they've never been, and they have holes and she's not had them looked at.
I know their mum's teeth are bad too.
When we have them their dad is constantly trying to get into their heads that they need to brush their teeth every morning and night regardless of what mummy says (apparently she said before that they don't need to brush their teeth every day) and it doesn't seem like she enforces it as a basic hygiene rule either.

I'm just wondering what will happen when she hopefully does take them to the dentist, will it get flagged up with social services?
I have a good relationship with their mum and obviously don't want her to get into trouble but I also think it's appalling that they have never been. I have two of my own that are 2 and 5 and they go to the dentist, as do I.
I said to their dad if she can't/won't take them soon, I will sign them up to my dentist, but I feel like it's her responsibility as their mother to get it done regardless of what has stopped her from doing it all these years.

Just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation and what's happened?

You need to ring 111 what you are describing is painful abscesses on the daughter and the holes need fillings and may lead to infection if left untreated. Stop being as lazy as the mother as these children will be in pain. Get them seen within the next 24 hours. You are aware of the new toothbrush campaign in schools because if the schools sees the state of your step children’s mouths they will call social services as you are all being neglectful by not doing anything

mathanxiety · 09/03/2025 05:38

rose9826 · 08/03/2025 22:32

I agree he should have done something about it too, I do agree, and I have told him this too. But my main question it what will happen when they do get signed up if the dentist realises they've never been before.

Edited
Show quote history

What will happen is one of these deadbeat parents will shrug and plead covid.

I assume you're afraid the police will come knocking at the door and arrest someone, or social services will show up?

That is not going to happen. The dentist will talk to the children about brushing and will tell you to make an appointment for fillings.

The children's father needs to register them with a dentist. An appointment needs to be made for them asap.

If it is difficult to find a dentist accepting patients, then a private appointment needs to be made, and if necessary, sacrifices need to be made to pay, and ensure the children don't end up losing teeth.

MumonabikeE5 · 09/03/2025 05:50

Sounds like they will have a shed load of work done.

HelenWheels · 09/03/2025 06:22

do the school nurses still get involved in teeth hygiene?
they might red flag them

stayathomer · 09/03/2025 06:23

in Ireland but the uk sounds in a similar state dentistry wise. I’d guess the dentist will just be happy to see them AFTER you find one that can take them. It used to be free for primary kids to go to the dentist then they changed it to one free visit and that’s just before secondary. I’d guess they see 8 and 10 yos all the time who haven’t been and actually teeth issues are rife now due to modern day diets. Heard a dentist on the radio and she said this generations problems teeth wise are deplorable. Just get them sorted and have a hygienist talk to them

Autumn38 · 09/03/2025 06:27

Your partner should take them, and then he’ll find out.

Bournetilly · 09/03/2025 06:31

Your partner has also neglected his children and is just as responsible. He needs to take them to a dentist as their mum clearly isn’t going to. Nothing will happen, they will have their teeth looked at. Poor kids.

LivingLaVidaBabyShower · 09/03/2025 06:31

rose9826 · 08/03/2025 22:33

I'm not talking about him, I'm asking a question about what will happen when they do go?

Show quote history

The dentist will tell them in detail about their dental health issues... they'll get it fixed at great pain and expense.

These are their ADULT teeth. One child has a gum abscess and the other a massive cavity for heavens sake... they need a dentist

At this point your "DP" is as big a disgrace as their mother.
Given the arseholes cant make an appointment between them If i were you, I'd simply be booking them in

The poor children...totally failed by their parents.

For the rest of their lives they will essentially be paying a shit parent tax as their teeth will prob cost them thousands is avoidable dental fees

GreatGardenstuff · 09/03/2025 06:34

Their DF needs to get them to a dentist asap. It’s absolutely cruel to allow their teeth to rot.

If the neglect is flagged and there are consequences, then good, it needs to be met face on and dealt with. She has let them down appallingly, and it’s likely your DH has too by turning a blind eye.

cryinglaughing · 09/03/2025 06:36

Their mother has done them a disservice by not taking them to the dentist. If she doesn't go herself, I can sort of see why she wouldn't take her children.

I doubt anyone would flag it up as neglect.

If your partner won't sort them out, so as you said you would and you sort them out.
They might not thank you initially but they definitely will in the long run.

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 09/03/2025 06:43

You've said you'll sign them up, so obviously you don't actually think he will which says it all. No one can tell you what will happen but I'd be very amazed if it was anything more than them being told they need to brush daily parent told they should supervise brushing and a list of fillings that need to be done. SS are overwhelmed, dentists are very busy, no one but you will care.

iwishihadknownmore · 09/03/2025 06:59

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/03/2025 22:47

It isn’t impossible to register a child with an NHS dentist. I know we’re lucky but we’re not unique and I registered my one year old within the last few months.

My DD is 25, i have never been able to get her an NHS dentist, there are none within 100miles that take any NHS patient at all.

The best you'll get is that some private practices will examine children for free or at a reduced price.

The treatments are usually at full cost, things like braces are beyond the ability of many parents to buy.

Childrens NHS emergency care is fillings where possible or an extraction, you can forget other restorative treatments.

All very well blaming the parents but lack of NHS dentistry isn't their fault.

I couldn't believe the BDA chair blaming the Govt for the state of childrens teeth... so nothing to do with your members greed then???

Sewfrickinamazeballs · 09/03/2025 07:13

Nothing will happen. My daughter missed out on 4 years of visits because we couldn't get registered at ANY dentist when we moved. As others have said, sadly some kids get cavities.

Stop worrying about what will happen (or hope some form of punishment will befall the mother), and get the kids to the dentist so they can get the help they desperately need

Solasum · 09/03/2025 07:18

It is worth flagging to the dentist in advance that they have never been before, so they can have a chance to look at the surgery, sit in the chair etc. Also so the dentist can show them correct tooth brushing technique, flossing, and push the importance of brushing twice a day.

Every day you let this continue you are complicit. Take them to a dentist now.

PurpleFlower1983 · 09/03/2025 07:25

Their dad needs to get them an appointment and take them to the dentist. It’s not all on her, both parents are neglectful.

Completelyjo · 09/03/2025 07:27

I'm just wondering what will happen when she hopefully does take them to the dentist, will it get flagged up with social services?

Why can’t their dad take them? They have 2 parents.

Kindling1970 · 09/03/2025 07:49

AnneLovesGilbert · 08/03/2025 22:47

It isn’t impossible to register a child with an NHS dentist. I know we’re lucky but we’re not unique and I registered my one year old within the last few months.

It is in certain areas

tinytemper66 · 09/03/2025 07:51

Does he go to the dentist? 🦷 Does he have nice teeth?