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Children's health

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Original poster

Step children have never been to the dentist, what happens now?

119 replies

rose9826 · 08/03/2025 22:28

My partner's two children, 8 and 10 have never been taken to the dentist. 10 year old has a hole in her tooth, and the 8 year old has some weird lump in her gum at the minute that hurts and she also has a hole.
I've told their dad that it's actually classed as neglect if they've never been, and they have holes and she's not had them looked at.
I know their mum's teeth are bad too.
When we have them their dad is constantly trying to get into their heads that they need to brush their teeth every morning and night regardless of what mummy says (apparently she said before that they don't need to brush their teeth every day) and it doesn't seem like she enforces it as a basic hygiene rule either.

I'm just wondering what will happen when she hopefully does take them to the dentist, will it get flagged up with social services?
I have a good relationship with their mum and obviously don't want her to get into trouble but I also think it's appalling that they have never been. I have two of my own that are 2 and 5 and they go to the dentist, as do I.
I said to their dad if she can't/won't take them soon, I will sign them up to my dentist, but I feel like it's her responsibility as their mother to get it done regardless of what has stopped her from doing it all these years.

Just wondering if anyone has been in a similar situation and what's happened?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

PicaK · 09/03/2025 07:52

Whatever happens to her will happen to him too. Both parents have equally neglected their children. And you have also watched on.
I'm disgusted with all of you

Motherofalittledragon · 09/03/2025 08:05

Two parents, neither could be arsed to take their children to a dentist. Both equally to blame.

spicemaiden · 09/03/2025 08:23

ASKINV what will happen is the same as asking how long is a piece of string. You don't know. Depends on the professional

Squeakpopcorn · 09/03/2025 08:26

That will depend on the other neglect that’s happening.

Surely DP is going to step up and take the children rather than wait for Mum.

I don’t think I would be happy in a relationship with a man who neglects his children. In this case it isn’t as simple as he didn’t know better because you’ve told him, he has actively decided not to care for his kids health.

doodahdayy · 09/03/2025 08:30

If neither parent could be arsed to take their children to the dentist, I highly doubt this is the only neglectful thing they've done. What a prize he is

DAngela · 09/03/2025 08:37

It’s neglect but unlikely to cross any thresholds for social services (and if it does, maybe that’s a good thing?).

You won’t be able to sign them up though, it’ll need to be a patent. And you may find it to be quite expensive.

doodahdayy · 09/03/2025 08:42

He's now trying to it the responsibility on another woman. Ridiculous

PlanningTowns · 09/03/2025 08:54

Well if you’re in the uk then you will take them to the dentist, the dentist will undertake the work needed and the kids will have a huge shock and hopefully shown the importance of good oral hygiene. The alternative is that they become terrified because they have never been and will need work doing.

dentists will have safeguarding policies and I imagine some of that will relate to the state of the teeth. Will much come of it - probably not if they are otherwise well cared for (are they?).

of course there was the wider issue of who is actually looking out for these kids.

HollyIvie · 09/03/2025 08:54

Get their dad to take them asap. You don't want to leave it if one of them has an abscess.

socks1107 · 09/03/2025 08:58

What happens now is dad books them an appointment. Why didn't he do it sooner if mum wasn't doing it?

BookGoblin · 09/03/2025 09:08

Jesus Christ OP.

OBVIOUSLY your useless lazy partner is. Equally responsible for this neglect.

You sound quite young? Suggest you run away from this awful man. And DO NOT have children with him

caringcarer · 09/03/2025 09:38

I have a new foster child and I registered him at the dentist. They said due to NHS budgetary restrictions he can't be seen until April but I just got an appointment for early April. I know he's not been going to the dentist or cleaning teeth much but I bought him a battery toothbrush and pointed out to him that girls like to see nice white teeth and if he starts cleaning them 2 or 3 times a day they will improve. He's been with me for 3 weeks and already they are whiter. He's started flossing too. Your DH needs to stop neglecting his kids and get them to the dentist.

SomePig · 09/03/2025 09:40

OP, I don’t want to alarm you but there are serious complications around blood, brain and (surprisingly) heart health that can arise if children’s teeth are neglected. Here’s one story that shocked me from a few years back about a child that ended up dying (sorry it’s paywalled unless you have a Washington Post account which I no longer do): “For Want of a Dentist” https://www.washingtonpost.com/archive/local/2007/02/28/for-want-of-a-dentist-span-classbankheadpr-georges-boy-dies-after-bacteria-from-tooth-spread-to-brain-span/

If the mum has a dental phobia then that’s not a good reason for the dad to condemn his children to potentially serious wider health problems, not to mention a lifetime of pain with their teeth. Show your DP this thread.

ForPoliteHam · 09/03/2025 09:41

Squeakpopcorn · 09/03/2025 08:26

That will depend on the other neglect that’s happening.

Surely DP is going to step up and take the children rather than wait for Mum.

He's not done it in ten years, isn't likely to do it now.

What a catch.

0ctavia · 09/03/2025 09:46

BookGoblin · 09/03/2025 09:08

Jesus Christ OP.

OBVIOUSLY your useless lazy partner is. Equally responsible for this neglect.

You sound quite young? Suggest you run away from this awful man. And DO NOT have children with him

This.

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 09/03/2025 10:23

Why hasn’t Feckless Father taken them????

Original poster

rose9826 · 09/03/2025 11:44

JohnofWessex · 09/03/2025 00:09

Your partner needs to get the children registered with a dentist asap, in the meanwhile 111 can get them a Community Dental Service appointment to get them treated.

Clearly it may be that your partner doesnt have the children at a time when he can get them to the dentist but he needs to put his foot down with their mother if she isnt getting them register with a dentist and is neglecting their hygiene, this includes moving them in with him full time.

EXACTLY. everyone is jumping to conclusions when in fact he works full time, very long days every single week, he does not have time to take them unfortunately. He can't miss work because we are not well off at all, every single penny counts. Their mother does not work so she could take them. In my opinion it's laziness and not realising the real implications of infected teeth etc. I don't understand why people are jumping on the band wagon to bash me when it's literally nothing to do with me and they don't know the full story. I'm not married to him. I didn't know they had never been to the dentist until very recently. I just thought it was standard because I grew up going to the dentist every 6 months. And was taught how important it is to brush my teeth twice a day. People don't realise that all blended families have different dynamics. You lot don't know what I've said to their dad. You're all acting like I'm coddling him while blaming their mum. Not the case. All I wanted to know was what would happen when they do go as many people have told me ss will get involved. And no it's not because I don't want my partner to get in trouble. I couldn't give a shit if he did, make your bed and lay in it. I would say I told you so. My two children have perfect teeth and brush twice daily so I have nothing to worry about. I as a step mother try my hardest to implement good habits with the step children and encourage them to brush twice daily and tell their mum or dadwhen something hurts in their mouth, there's only so much I can do, I have no legal rights or responsibilities over those children.
I will not be posting in this forum again after the way I've been attacked for asking a simple question and been met with judgement, nastiness and assumptions. Thank you to everyone who actually commented some helpful advice without judgement.

OP posts:

BeRoseSloth · 09/03/2025 11:51

saraclara · 08/03/2025 22:42

Loads of kids have never been to the dentist, now that it's impossible to register with an NHS one.

It's appalling that thereare no regular free check ups for children any more.

Unless this is sarcasm you’re incorrect. Children get free dental care on the NHS.

Redruby2020 · 09/03/2025 11:57

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 08/03/2025 22:30

He has neglected them just as much as she has

Exactly the thoughts that came to my mind too, the mother still has responsibility but so does the father! And it is whilst they are in his care that things have been noticed. So what was he waiting for 🤔
I do all these things for my child, and my ex partner sits back and knows it's all done. It's sadly what happens when you are the main carer. But also depending on your history and situation.

Redruby2020 · 09/03/2025 11:59

What is the set up in regards to his contact with his kids? Just wondering how often he sees them. That he accepted the mother telling him numerous times 'over the years' that she would take them. So he accepted that and waited.

gamerchick · 09/03/2025 12:01

They're both neglectful parents OP. I don't think you can do it either.

Your bloke needs to register them and take them there for treatment. Stop worrying about hiding neglect. Those bairns need a dentist asap.

Redruby2020 · 09/03/2025 12:03

'I agree he should have done something about it too, I do agree, and I have told him this too. But my main question it what will happen when they do get signed up if the dentist realises they've never been before.'

I have worked in dentistry in the past. Everyone is trained in safeguarding, this is also about other forms of abuse that might be going on, and what to do if you notice anything.
I think if they think the teeth have been left for some time/not brushing etc, this could possibly be flagged up yes.
You don't want to see them get in trouble, but then what is the other alternative, either they get registered and go, or they don't?

Also do they not get seen by the dentist who goes in to the schools, have they not been seen in all these years?
Because I'm thinking surely if they had, they would have said something too.

gamerchick · 09/03/2025 12:04

he works full time, very long days every single week, he does not have time to take them unfortunately. He can't miss work because we are not well off at all, every single penny counts

He doesn't get any AL? I find that hard to believe. This needs to be a priority.

QuirkyWriter · 09/03/2025 12:05

Kids only get free dental care if there is an nhs dentist who can see them. Where I live the nearest nhs dentist taking on patients is a two hour drive away!

Redruby2020 · 09/03/2025 12:05

saraclara · 08/03/2025 22:42

Loads of kids have never been to the dentist, now that it's impossible to register with an NHS one.

It's appalling that thereare no regular free check ups for children any more.

There are? Mine still goes and we are due our checkups which we will be having this week. Not sure what part of the country you are in.

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