So relieved I didn’t have children

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Do any other child free by choice women experience this sweeping relief from time to time? I’ve just got back from a holiday with several family children who are beautifully behaved and great company but whose parents were trapped in never ending arguments about who’d do what and who could have time to relax whilst the other minded the kids. It led to several tense atmospheres.

I know not all parents argue but I’ve got home with such an overriding sense of relief that I made the decision not to have kids.

I’m not saying that’s not your experience. Or that your experience itself was sad - not at all! It was not my intention. And I can understand that. And as I said I have read some crazy stuff on it. Having children is hard - very hard - so I get that people feel “relief” it’s not for everyone. I think that’s ok. I myself don’t want to deal with other people’s kids. But I have 3 off my own - that I have raised with their father and whilst our marriage isn’t perfect I couldn’t imagine doing it without him. He’s a great father to them and a true partner. But not everyone wants the same of life - and that’s ok.

You are absolutely allowed to talk about your lives in a positive way. I love to hear it and often think about the path I almost took.

It's not positive to bitch about taxes for "breeders" and talk viciously about parents though. This thread, like others, got very negative very quickly. Which of course is also your right, but let's not pretend here.

Helpful for what? I just saw a thread by someone who wanted to say they are glad they made the decision to not have kids. Not everything needs to be turned into science.

I have children (am I allowed on this thread?) one of whom has a significant medical condition. Obviously DC is the one suffering as a result and I should not be making it ‘all about me’- but maybe on this thread at least I can freely say that I cannot even begin to explain the devastating effect this has had on my life. The constant fear. Every day, the fear. Relentless. I get up with it and go to bed with it. I live with the knowledge that things may get much, much worse.

If I knew 20 years ago what I know now - the stress & fear that motherhood would bring to my life - I would make different choices.

Discussions about the joys of parenthood always seem to assume the children are healthy. This assumption - for anyone considering parenthood- is a dangerous one. Not all children make it; not all are well; embarking on parenthood means accepting this risk, but few people understand this until too late.

"I'm really relieved I don't have children and fancied a chat about it with other child free women"
"I am not a child free woman but it is helpful for you to listen to my experience"

Helpful in gaining perspective, not seeing those who aren't exactly the same as you as the enemy.
Happily don't want (a) kid(s)? Great.
Happily got (a) kid(s)? Great.

Did you actually read my initial reply?

@LadyBlakeneysHanky spot on. It's always assumed you'd have a healthy child and miss out on this special kind of love for a child. I come from an extremely dysfunctional family. I couldn't have raised my child normally in my 20s and 30s even if I had wanted to. I simply didn't know the extent of the dysfunction back then. Likely I would have passed on a lot of damage and not get to live a good life myself. At least I can now aim for the latter.

Why did you decide that the child free on this thread needed to gain perspective? It wasn't asked for.

Why did you decide you were the thread police?
Did you read my initial reply on this thread?
Perspective is evidently needed on this thread.

Why is it needed?

It's not an AIBU thread. Nobody asked if mother's would agree with the OP or if the OP was going wrong somewhere.

Perspective is always needed. Echo chambers aren't healthy.
Childfree folk often comment on threads concerning children, or remind us how dogs are better than kids etc.

Why is perspective always needed on everything?

FYI child free people were once children and come into contact with children.

FYI people with (a) child(ren) were once childfree and also come into contact with childfree people.

Is the thread turning into something unpleasant now? Please no. Is there anywhere left to have a chat about being A,B or C without someone sticking their oar in and trying to derail.

I'm pretty sure many with opposing views are gilding the lily and are totally envious of the freedom, financial gain, lack of worry, and plenty of sleep us nokids have. 😊

That’s exactly the point of the dedicated forums. They were created so that people can talk specifically about subjects that are relevant to them and that they enjoy. I don’t go on style and beauty and tell them how ridiculous they are for paying so much for handbags or go on the Muslim Mumsnetters board because I’m an Atheist and it isn’t intended for me. Likewise although its existence pains me I won’t venture onto the Unexplained/Woo board because it isn’t for me. Woo:l/childfree threads on Chat/AIBU are fair game imo but dedicated boards should be left for the people they were intended for. It isn’t that difficult to respect their spaces.

Just wondering if it might be worth asking MNHQ to stop the ‘MNers Without Children’ threads appearing in Active so that you can talk in peace. That’s how I stumbled across it (and I am very very nosey😅)

I popped a short reply saying how happy I was that a childfree person was also happy with their choice, despite having 1 child myself. I also said that perspective can help. Apparently that upset some people.

We have asked numerous times and they refuse.

I guess the clue is in the name.

What Mumsnetters without children? I’m so glad that you finally noticed.

MNHQ used to have several very sensitive subject boards on active that no longer are but it took a long time for them to change that so hopefully we’ll get there in time too.

I think it's lovely to chat with like minded people enjoying their child free life.

@GehenSieweiter you have a fixation with perspective. If you need perspective, fine. You could start a thread about the pros and cons of having children and things to consider. Go ahead and do that? Don't be a victim and speak like a broken record. It's doesn't make it more appropriate. You missed the purpose of the thread.

I just had sweet chilli chicken pizza today. Just wondered what your perspective is on this?

No, Mumsnet .

I have responded to someone else above - what the intention beyond my comment was. Not that your experience in itself was sad. I’m sure you wouldn’t change it. Just that for me I couldn’t imagine raising my kids without my husband. He’s an incredible father and you can tell his priorities are the us and the kids. But I have myself witnessed things that make your statement perfectly understandable. My friend who does the same for work as me (which involves some travel) when she goes she batch cooks for him and the kids, she organises the whole week for her husband. And I don’t. I pack myself and leave. And the same for my husband when he travels. So I understand what you mean about resentment, financial battles and all of that - but it’s just not my reality. And for me if I was raising my kids (I have 3) on my own it would be much harder and I would probably find it overwhelming at first.