Page 19 | So relieved I didn’t have children

Settings11111111 · 2025-11-28T22:26:03+00:00

Do any other child free by choice women experience this sweeping relief from time to time? I’ve just got back from a holiday with several family children who are beautifully behaved and great company but whose parents were trapped in never ending arguments about who’d do what and who could have time to relax whilst the other minded the kids. It led to several tense atmospheres. I know not all parents argue but I’ve got home with such an overriding sense of relief that I made the decision not to have kids.

Pavementworrier · 11/12/2025 18:25

Soony · 11/12/2025 15:42

I never believed that.
My life was perfect for 37 years without children but then I had them and realised it was true, your own are different, at least for me, the single best decision I ever made.

I have never had the slightest interest in other people's children and if I'd gone down the other fork in the road and chosen not to have them nothing would have convinced me that I was missing anything.

And that's fine, no-one wants to live life with regrets.

Mine are grown up now and I loved that all too brief period in my life when I had children at home. I'm back to being "child free" now but with the added bonus of two fabulous adult children.

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I don't think your position is backed up by logic

You are suggesting that you, a person who decided to have kids, knows what a person who decides not to have kids would feel if they did have kids

Makes no sense

The trick in this life is to know yourself and be true to yourself and not try to prescribe your own niche as suitable for general application

Cos it ain't

AllPlayedOut · 11/12/2025 18:34

CheeseIsMyIdol · 11/12/2025 18:10

Getting back to the topic at hand, I've been really enjoying the season this year. And no plastic or garish kiddie claptrap to deal with.

We've pulled out some delicate ornaments and baubles handed down in my family, and it's such a pleasure to hang them knowing that they won't be grabbed at or broken. We've been enjoying classical versions of traditional hymns and carols in the background most days, and sometimes just sitting by the fire at night, listening to music and having a glass of wine.

Christmas is far from "just for kids." There also are book, audiobooks, and documentaries about Christmas traditions, as well as classic films that children wouldn't enjoy. I purchased a book AND audiobook of golden-age detective stories set at Christmas time, and that's been fun. We also like listening to old-time radio from wartime and afterward, and there are many suspense programs and "fireside" revues that are fun to listen to while cooking or whatnot.

Which audiobook was that please? I love golden age detective stories.

EmpressaurusKitty · 11/12/2025 18:45

I recommend Envious Casca by Georgette Heyer, now republished as A Christmas Party. One of her few detective stories.

CheeseIsMyIdol · 11/12/2025 18:46

AllPlayedOut · 11/12/2025 18:34

Which audiobook was that please? I love golden age detective stories.

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@AllPlayedOut The Big Book of Christmas Mysteries, edited by Otto Penzler. Well worth the money. A good Christmas gift for yourself!

Another good one is A Surprise for Christmas and Other Seasonal Mysteries (British Library Crime Classics) edited by Martin Edwards, look for his other books too.

If you like golden age, look into the "Bodies from the Library" series (i think it's now up to 7 volumes) edited by Tony Medawar. They are "lost gems" from well-known and obscure authors, and it's very well done, also includes interesting bio info about each author. They are in print form, but I get the audiobooks, which are narrated by Philip Bretherton, who if you are a certain age you will recall as Alistair on "As Time Goes By." He does a brilliant job of voicing the different characters, always with that tinge of jauntiness his voice has. I really enjoy them.

BackToBeingACatSlave · 11/12/2025 18:50

LookAtMeWithStarryEyes · 11/12/2025 13:49

A good comparison would be if the site was mainly about cats and the owners of the site allowed a dog board. Discussion about dogs would be fine, but discussion about how relieved people were to not have cats and discussing cats and their owners negatively probably wouldn’t go down so well. I think you’d get a lot of people giving a different perspective, which would be valid on a site about predominantly about cats.

If there was a website mainly about being child free, which had got popular and expanded, do you think there would even be a board for parents? If there was, do you think that child free people would be ok if on that parent board, parents created post after post saying how relieved they were to have children, pointing out their perceived negatives about being child free, being lonely, etc?

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I agree with this.

Although I also agree that this section would be better not to be in active. I clicked it because it’s in active right now and didn’t realise at first that it was on the child free board.

AllPlayedOut · 11/12/2025 19:29

CheeseIsMyIdol · 11/12/2025 18:46

@AllPlayedOut The Big Book of Christmas Mysteries, edited by Otto Penzler. Well worth the money. A good Christmas gift for yourself!

Another good one is A Surprise for Christmas and Other Seasonal Mysteries (British Library Crime Classics) edited by Martin Edwards, look for his other books too.

If you like golden age, look into the "Bodies from the Library" series (i think it's now up to 7 volumes) edited by Tony Medawar. They are "lost gems" from well-known and obscure authors, and it's very well done, also includes interesting bio info about each author. They are in print form, but I get the audiobooks, which are narrated by Philip Bretherton, who if you are a certain age you will recall as Alistair on "As Time Goes By." He does a brilliant job of voicing the different characters, always with that tinge of jauntiness his voice has. I really enjoy them.

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Great. Thank you so much for the recommendations! I’m definitely going to treat myself.

BlakeCarrington · 11/12/2025 20:10

Ijwwm · 11/12/2025 17:56

Oh give over, please!

MNHQ are happy for us to be here. This board exists, deal with it. All of your points have been made hundreds of times. And rebutted frequently.

I’m not going to waste my time on people who really seem to have a problem with those who are happy to talk about being happy at not having you children. It’s definitely a “you” problem.

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Well said. Some poster can’t stand us to be happy with our choices. It is definitely a them
problem

SnowFrogJelly · 11/12/2025 21:04

CheeseIsMyIdol · 11/12/2025 16:12

What utter horseshit. I certainly can and do "expect to not be challenged" when I'm on a niche discussion board for people in my particular circumstances.

If you are so insecure in your life choices that you feel the need to "challenge" others and intrude on their space, just because they are happy with their life choices, that's your problem. Not ours.

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But it’s not a niche discussion board it’s part of a large parenting discussion board! You cannot expect not to be challenged and never have posters disagree with you.. if you really want that and think your board should be taken off active discussions then you should create your own separate board where you can all agree with each other all the time

Posters on this thread have complained about paying taxes for schools etc which they don’t need.. ridiculous. One poster was so desperate to prove her point she mentioned child abuse/killers. You really can’t expect people not to comment when that’s what your niche board comes up with

SnowFrogJelly · 11/12/2025 21:06

BlakeCarrington · 11/12/2025 20:10

Well said. Some poster can’t stand us to be happy with our choices. It is definitely a them
problem

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No it’s not that we can’t stand you being happy it’s a response to the few posters I mentioned above

CheeseIsMyIdol · 11/12/2025 21:09

SnowFrogJelly · 11/12/2025 21:04

But it’s not a niche discussion board it’s part of a large parenting discussion board! You cannot expect not to be challenged and never have posters disagree with you.. if you really want that and think your board should be taken off active discussions then you should create your own separate board where you can all agree with each other all the time

Posters on this thread have complained about paying taxes for schools etc which they don’t need.. ridiculous. One poster was so desperate to prove her point she mentioned child abuse/killers. You really can’t expect people not to comment when that’s what your niche board comes up with

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Yawn. Your notions about discussion fora are not universal. Why push in where you aren't wanted?

Why does it bother you so much that some of us are joyous about opting out of motherhood? Look at the many shitshows posted on Mumsnet day in, day out. We are happy that is not our life. Deal with it.

sammylady37 · 11/12/2025 22:16

One poster was so desperate to prove her point she mentioned child abuse/killers

That was me, and I assure you I was not desperate, just providing a very clear, demonstrably true rebuttal to your ‘it’s different when they’re your own’ sound bite.

The person who is happily childfree is not being desperate by posting on the childfree board. The parent furiously and repeatedly posting there, however…

SnowFrogJelly · 11/12/2025 23:12

CheeseIsMyIdol · 11/12/2025 21:09

Yawn. Your notions about discussion fora are not universal. Why push in where you aren't wanted?

Why does it bother you so much that some of us are joyous about opting out of motherhood? Look at the many shitshows posted on Mumsnet day in, day out. We are happy that is not our life. Deal with it.

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If you actually read what I posted you would realise that I couldn’t give a flying f about how joyous you are it was what some posters came out with that made me join the thread.. one does wonder why you feel the need to keep hammering your message home

SnowFrogJelly · 11/12/2025 23:14

sammylady37 · 11/12/2025 22:16

One poster was so desperate to prove her point she mentioned child abuse/killers

That was me, and I assure you I was not desperate, just providing a very clear, demonstrably true rebuttal to your ‘it’s different when they’re your own’ sound bite.

The person who is happily childfree is not being desperate by posting on the childfree board. The parent furiously and repeatedly posting there, however…

I repeat.. it is different when they’re your own and your post about child abuse was totally inappropriate

CheeseIsMyIdol · 11/12/2025 23:30

SnowFrogJelly · 11/12/2025 23:14

I repeat.. it is different when they’re your own and your post about child abuse was totally inappropriate

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We couldn’t give a shit if it’s different when they’re your own. What aren’t you understanding about that?

We enjoy our childfree lives as they are.

Ijwwm · 12/12/2025 01:07

SnowFrogJelly · 11/12/2025 21:04

But it’s not a niche discussion board it’s part of a large parenting discussion board! You cannot expect not to be challenged and never have posters disagree with you.. if you really want that and think your board should be taken off active discussions then you should create your own separate board where you can all agree with each other all the time

Posters on this thread have complained about paying taxes for schools etc which they don’t need.. ridiculous. One poster was so desperate to prove her point she mentioned child abuse/killers. You really can’t expect people not to comment when that’s what your niche board comes up with

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To quote a favourite MN saying - ODFOD

You just keep wanting to come back for more, you obviously have no concern or consideration with regards to how or why people are using this board. Respectfully, step away and engage in threads that are enjoying life with children. And leave alone the threads that are discussing life without children.

Ijwwm · 12/12/2025 01:11

SnowFrogJelly · 11/12/2025 21:04

But it’s not a niche discussion board it’s part of a large parenting discussion board! You cannot expect not to be challenged and never have posters disagree with you.. if you really want that and think your board should be taken off active discussions then you should create your own separate board where you can all agree with each other all the time

Posters on this thread have complained about paying taxes for schools etc which they don’t need.. ridiculous. One poster was so desperate to prove her point she mentioned child abuse/killers. You really can’t expect people not to comment when that’s what your niche board comes up with

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And just to clarify, it IS a niche discussion board - hence the name of the flipping board!

I mean, that is the whole reason this board was created in the first place. And we have requested being removed from active, but that’s not happening sadly.

SnowFrogJelly · 12/12/2025 01:11

Ijwwm · 12/12/2025 01:07

To quote a favourite MN saying - ODFOD

You just keep wanting to come back for more, you obviously have no concern or consideration with regards to how or why people are using this board. Respectfully, step away and engage in threads that are enjoying life with children. And leave alone the threads that are discussing life without children.

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Respectfully don’t try and tell me where I can or cannot post

Ijwwm · 12/12/2025 01:20

SnowFrogJelly · 12/12/2025 01:11

Respectfully don’t try and tell me where I can or cannot post

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Respectfully, I’m done with trying to engage with you as I did earlier on in this thread. It says a lot more about you that, after measured and polite engagement, that you want to keep prodding on this board

My10centsworth · 12/12/2025 01:30

I am curious why you came on to Mumsnet to whinge-surely the clue is in the name.

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 12/12/2025 03:34

SnowFrogJelly · 11/12/2025 23:12

If you actually read what I posted you would realise that I couldn’t give a flying f about how joyous you are it was what some posters came out with that made me join the thread.. one does wonder why you feel the need to keep hammering your message home

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Pot, kettle?

AppleDumplingWithCustard · 12/12/2025 03:36

My10centsworth · 12/12/2025 01:30

I am curious why you came on to Mumsnet to whinge-surely the clue is in the name.

🥱🥱🥱🥱🥱

sammylady37 · 12/12/2025 04:02

SnowFrogJelly · 11/12/2025 23:14

I repeat.. it is different when they’re your own and your post about child abuse was totally inappropriate

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I repeat… that’s not necessarily true. Provable by the number of parents who neglect, harm, abuse and kill their children. It’s fact that those things happen and I really have no idea why you think it’s inappropriate to mention that. I know you don’t want to acknowledge that women can be happily childfree, but it’s bizarre to seemingly not want to acknowledge that parents don’t always love their children unconditionally and do sometimes harm them and worse. It’s not diminishing you as a parent to acknowledge that, nor denying the love you personally have for your child(ren).

sammylady37 · 12/12/2025 04:05

My10centsworth · 12/12/2025 01:30

I am curious why you came on to Mumsnet to whinge-surely the clue is in the name.

Omg. Do you know something, nobody has ever asked that question before. It’s never been brought up as a point, never been thrown at the childfree as an attempt to exclude us, never been used as a means to gatekeep here. It’s a fantastic point, and well made. You’ve made us all realise that every part of this entire site is exclusively for parents and only relevant to parents and that there’s nothing here in this vast site that could possibly interest any one who isn’t a parent. Well done.

Iocanepowder · 12/12/2025 04:17

Hey @SnowFrogJelly

I have 2 kids. And I still agree with op.

I love my kids but I was so much happier and healthier when I was childfree. Come at me.

Dgll · 12/12/2025 07:07

Pretty much any thread that starts with 'I'm so relieved...' is going to provoke a reaction because it is negative about someone else's situation. Just substitute 'child free' with something else and you will see what I mean. I'm so relieved I'm gay/not gay, I'm so relieved I'm European/not European, I'm so relieved I'm a SAHM/not a SAHM, I'm so relieved I only have boys/girls.