So relieved I didn’t have children

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Do any other child free by choice women experience this sweeping relief from time to time? I’ve just got back from a holiday with several family children who are beautifully behaved and great company but whose parents were trapped in never ending arguments about who’d do what and who could have time to relax whilst the other minded the kids. It led to several tense atmospheres.

I know not all parents argue but I’ve got home with such an overriding sense of relief that I made the decision not to have kids.

The noise that little children make physically hurts me. Messy eating makes me gag. (Suspect autism). Friend has has a child with complex needs which include violence and I think she’s ruined her life. I like sleep, sex, holidays and money. I like being able to just go out and do a yoga class or something without arranging minders. Also, mainly, how boring and self-centred some women become if they’re the type who become child-centric. I’d hate that to happen to me. Seen it so often.

I was going to just spend a couple of hours at my friend’s house this afternoon, but there were several of us & we were having a really good time so I’m only on my way home now.

I love being able to be flexible, & also that when I get in I can simply fall into bed, then get up when I feel like it in the morning.

Jusykt spoke with dh who has NUMEROUS nephews and neices.
The worry is the biggest. The worry you fail them, the eorry something happens to them etc.
His brothers and cousins had a chat about it when drinking apparently.
He is the only CF in his family above 30

I’m freelance and can work from anywhere, my partner’s job has to be done in person. I like to do the digital nomad thing for 4-8 weeks at a time and sometimes I just bugger off and leave him at home. I dread to think of the extra logistics this would involve if we had a kid and the unfairness of me leaving him to solo parent for weeks at a time. It’s just not something I want to consider. Or I’d have to take the kid with me - even if they were the best behaved, funniest, most travel-loving child ever that would, for me, just make my experience a bit worse.

This board is SO frustrating.

Why on earth do parents keep coming on here to tell us how we are wrong, offensive, shouldn’t be here, etc?

WTF can they not comprehend that we are not dismissing thei fact that they’re parents? It’s great that people want to be parents. It’s great that they love their kids and have happy and fulfilled lives.it’s great that they take joy from watching them grow into adults with their own life journey to experience. That must be fulfilling and amazing.

But it’s also fulfilling and amazing to chose not to do that. To know, from a very young age, that you have no interest in having a child. It’s not a wrestle of choices - it’s like just “knowing” that you never want to ski, jump out a plane, run a marathon, climb a mountain (can you tell I’m not a fan of exercise?!).

And it’s also really offensive to those who are childless, and who are finding their way (or who have found their way) to living life without children.

This board is supposed to be a space where we can discuss our lives without children. We should be allowed to say whether we are happy/sad/conflicted/relieved without judgement. If you are a parent you really have no place, on this board, of telling us that we’re wrong.

To reiterate, this board is NOT about telling parents that they’re wrong for having children. It’s supposed to be a space for those without to talk about how life is for them - society, over hundreds of years, makes those without feel “less than”. This is supposed to be a space for us to talk freely about how we are ok with our decisions or circumstances.

I can’t be arsed going back through posts to quote them, but there are a few posters on here determined to slate those who are ok being without children. Why? How does it affect you if someone is happy with this?

And the argument of “why post on Mumsnet” is so old and boring now, please come up with a more original gotcha. I don’t need to be a parent to want to talk to, mainly women, about gardening, cats, dogs, tv, money, property, diy, blah blah blah.

TLDR - parents should stop taking offence that those without children can be happy with their lives and, shock horror, want to discuss it.

Word of warning here, tube tying/ ligation / salpingectomy isn't great contraception and has a high failure rate. I work in medical trials and we often dont accept it as contraception. Pretty major op/ for it not to work maybe just get a coil especially at you're nearly 40 and likely to need hrt in the next few years and can top up with oestrogen.

It isn’t a major operation if you have a laparoscopic tubal ligation. I had mine on the Friday afternoon and was back to normal the next day, going out to dinner in the evening. Then back to work on the Monday.

This. Thank you for posting this. It’s also a really amazing thing to go through the heartbreak of infertility and eventually find joy, peace and contentment in childfree life. That is not being negative about parenthood, it’s being positive about my life.

Hahahahaha!

Not the point of the thread but I love the early christmas presents idea!

I have children but don’t use a lot for the services our taxes are used for- I don’t whinge about it! If you’d rather you can pretend your taxes pay for my salary as a nurse- thanks

It’s a bit sliding doors isn’t it - you don’t know what your life would be like if you had kids just as the parents don’t know what their lives would look like without them. I always think you only regret the things you don’t do!

I always think you only regret the things you don’t do!

No. If you’ve never done anything you regretted then lucky you, but moving in with my partner when I was 30 was the single worst mistake I ever made. But at 52 & happily divorced for 12 years, I’m still very thankful that I never had kids.

Given how much joy I get from having my own space, I’m quite sure I’d have found being a mum suffocating, & having a go on the off chance that I might be wrong would have been utterly idiotic.

Glad you find the truth so very amusing

The truth? Seriously? People who don't want children have a chip on thier shoulder about women who have children and are happy about it? Why would they? Are you quite well?

Maybe you should broaden your horizons more if you can't fathom that some people don't want children and are very happy about it.

Of course I can fathom it
Wind your neck in and stop telling me what to do

I'm not telling you what to do ffs. Ironic considering you just told me to wind my neck in 😂

Are you one of those older women that think they know best?

I am struggling to understand why you keep coming back to this thread. Did you bother to read my post just a bit upthread?

If so, hopefully it explained the general concept of this board. I think I explained it in a very open and non-biased way so that parents would understand. But you keep coming back with very snarky replies to other users.

I don’t understand why you want to keep coming back here to be snarky. If you could maybe try to articulate better, in a stand alone post (ie not directed as a response to anyone in particular), why you have a problem with these discussions then it might help in understanding your viewpoint.

Just to clarify - I think your posts on here are insulting, but am hoping that you can engage in a more productive manner. On the board dedicated to those who don’t have children.

I know it’s really frustrating having to deal with this board sometimes. But please don’t bring age into it, we’ve all got enough sticks to beat ourselves with!

Plus, please don’t divulge what you consider an older woman to be - am too scared that I’m already well over the threshold 😂

Just to clarify.. I think the posts directed at me have been insulting. I originally posted at the start of the thread but was told I shouldn’t post on this board which is what annoyed me as I was just trying to give a different perspective

But your first two posts don’t indicate trying to give a meaningful different perspective. Two sentences between them which contain “women like you” and “bitter”.

After having it pointed out what board you were on, as we often have to do because people find their way here from Trending, you seem to have doubled down on your further posts. You’re not the first to do so, which is why posters often then have less patience in their further interactions. It’s bloody exhausting when it happens time and time again.

Am going to leave it there with my attempts at polite explanation. I don’t want to derail this thread any further from its original point.

Now, now wait a minute. Your first post was a “women like you don’t understand the positives of a child” vibe.

We do understand the positives of children, but they are not worth the negatives to us, Of which there are far more.

If you’re happy with your choice to have children, great. I’m sure you can discuss that with other like minded parents. We’re happy with our decisions and like to discuss that with like minded people. We don’t for one minute assume the position of telling parents “people like you don’t seem to grasp the damage to your body, marriage and the child it’s self is enduring”.

The thread wasn’t started to have a discussion on the pros and cons of having children, there are other threads though do want that input from other people . This is not one of them.

Well the thing is, we have clearly already made our decision. We don’t really need, nor did we ask for, your different perspective.

Exactly. Most of the women on this board will have thought long & hard about whether they want to have kids & made an active choice not to have them.
There’s a huge difference between women in their 40s & more who know they’re never going to have kids & women who just haven’t got round to it yet. So why do you think your perspective is necessary or relevant here?

I can't say I've thought long and hard about it. In the same way that I haven't thought long and hard about not trekking the Himalayans or going to live in Chad. It's just something that never occurred to me as something I might want to do. Just because more people become parents than trek the Himalayas didn't make it any more of a decision I felt I needed to give much thought to.

Well, me neither but I expect a lot of women here did. And imagine someone coming to the Litter Tray with their ‘different perspective’ to tell us why we should all have dogs instead of cats. They’d have their arse handed to them & quite rightly.