So relieved I didn’t have children

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Do any other child free by choice women experience this sweeping relief from time to time? I’ve just got back from a holiday with several family children who are beautifully behaved and great company but whose parents were trapped in never ending arguments about who’d do what and who could have time to relax whilst the other minded the kids. It led to several tense atmospheres.

I know not all parents argue but I’ve got home with such an overriding sense of relief that I made the decision not to have kids.

Nope, there are definitely a few people who are triggered on this thread @SoMuchMore. What other reason is there to go on a child free thread where we’re having a happy little chat amongst ourselves and insist on banging on about how wrong we are.

If that floats their boat fair enough, but the irritation they display in seeking out and telling off the happily child free is very telling.

You all do sound a little sensitive about why we don’t want children. Why can’t we opt out, for whatever reasons we like, without people getting pissed off? Why can’t we find kids annoying but mums are allowed to say “I only like my own” without getting jumped on?

Some parents on here literally do say that though 😂

I agree with @SoMuchMore

Yes you are right @BarbarasRhabarberba that some parents do say it AND they are rightfully challenged and questioned, by child free people, (and many parents) which is what has happened here because OP has done the equivalent as the pp said. Yes it’s a child free board but it’s still on a parenting website so it will strike up conversation.

I think we need to ask child free and child full men which option they would be/are happy with.

They are half the package. In my case "he" is happy and contented with just me 😊He is early 70s, I'm late 60s.

We will not be wiping each other's arses, or giving bed baths if the time comes. Plans are in place. Anyway having children is no guarantee of requited love and/or care in older age.

Am I happy to be childfree? You bet, no regrets and I have had nearly 70 years to change my mind and never did.

'Why can’t we find kids annoying but mums are allowed to say “I only like my own” without getting jumped on?'

By the way, I find it really strange when parents say that. I fully understand why people don't like children and I don't have a problem with it. But if you can't stand children, why on earth would you that parenting is for you?! Wasn't it something of a gamble to become a parent to a child if you're not a fan of kids?

as I get older I get more grateful that I didn’t have them. It always looked like a really dull and boring life, having everything arranged around a child. I still think that now and the advantage of being older with older friends is that I don’t have to pretend to care what little jimmy is saying or doing.

I’m curled up on my sofa crocheting a blanket for a friend’s cat & occasionally checking MN. My cat’s snuggled up next to me. Tomorrow I’m invited to a Christmas lunch party in the local park & then to a friend’s house in the afternoon.
On Sunday I’m going to go to the gym, follow that with brunch at my favourite local cafe, catch up with housework & do the crossword.

I don’t care whether I could still do all that with multiple kids or one kid. It’s my lovely weekend & part of the joy of it is that when I’m home, it’s just me & my cat.

I wasn’t triggered.. I got told off for posting on the thread

I find people tell me they have children whether I want to know or not. If they ask me I will tell them I have 2 children and 2 grandchildren . My conversation doesn’t revolve around children because I have other interests. Years ago I made the mistake of asking someone whether they had children and I then was told about their struggle to get pregnant. I then wished I hadn’t asked so now I never do. A neighbour who is in her 60s tried for years to get pregnant and even now expresses that she wishes she had grandchildren. I do feel sad for her but she does have a nice life and is always going on cruises etc.

Kindof incorrect what your earning is subsidising people's pensions now then when it's your turn for a pension what people are earning then subsidises the next generation of pensioners and so on..not private pensions tho..

Did you go to state school as a child? Were you born in a hospital? Did your breeders not receive any child benefit of any kind?

@Friendlygingercat which specific services are the family next door using more of than you? You say the “suck it up” but what exactly are you referring to? In my mind I’m not sure single households should get a discount as you use the services the same.

Single person discount on council tax is off topic but one person doesn’t use the libraries, parks, roads, bins, leisure facilities, registrar services, parking etc. the same as one person does. Using the average person, two people will use these services more, because there are two of them.

I was in a shopping mall today and a toddler in a buggy was repeatedly screaming - not crying as such, but screaming. The dad pushing him seemed oblivious but it was driving me bonkers even at a distance. I know they grow out of that stage quite soon in the scheme of things, but I do wonder how on earth parents stand it while it lasts, I genuinely think I'd lose my sanity if that noise was in my house.

The worry and anxiety with kids never ends. And then you worry about their children!!

@cupfinalchaos

I think I’m abit odd tbh as I don’t worry that much about my children (20 and 17), I’ve always had faith that they’ll be OK for some reason.

I don’t think my Dad worries much about me much either. Perhaps it’s because some crappy things have happened to our family over the years so we assume that we’ll cope with whatever life throws at us. Do your parents worry a lot about you?

Thats really interesting. Yes my mother did worry about me and still does. My parents are Holocaust survivors and it could be in their NNA and mine too.. food for thought.

DNA I mean!

@cupfinalchaos Your poor parents. 💐After such an horrific experience, I imagine that it’s very difficult not to worry.

Thank you.. i think it’s called inter-generational trauma. I’m not overly anxious but my dm definitely is.

I’ve seen some more threads today that make me relieved I haven’t got kids. The relentless policing and resentment of each other’s time and money. “DH went to the gym twice this week for 2.5 hours a time. I’m pissed off”. “DH wants to spend 3k on a week-long lads trip, how dare he!” Now, I’m sure these DHs are probably useless parents so there are deeper issues but I would hate for my relationship to be reduced to this. I spend my time and money how I want because nobody has to consider fairly apportioning free time and money around parenting.

That’s exactly why I didn’t have any children

Yep I agree. I was away for a fortnight in the US last month and booked a holiday for Boxing Day with friends on the spur of the moment last week. My DP is away this weekend. We don’t need to check with each other because we have no joint responsibilities. I know our relationship would likely become resentful, and we’d have become irritated and frustrated with each other, and, I suspect, however much he’d say and believe otherwise, that I’d have carried the large part of the responsibility around any child we might have had.

Same here. I spent some time today plotting out next year's travel and holidays. Did the household chores in peace and quiet while listening to TV, then we sat by the fire. Now about to go to bed for a good long lie-in tomorrow. No strife, no noise, no thinking about next month's childcare costs. Never a split-second of regret.

One of my uni roommates from 40 years ago contacted me yesterday; she is having some difficulties with her boyfriend of several years, who she dumped last weekend. I am so glad that I am free to check flights and make an impromptu visit of support without any constraints.