So relieved I didn’t have children

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Do any other child free by choice women experience this sweeping relief from time to time? I’ve just got back from a holiday with several family children who are beautifully behaved and great company but whose parents were trapped in never ending arguments about who’d do what and who could have time to relax whilst the other minded the kids. It led to several tense atmospheres.

I know not all parents argue but I’ve got home with such an overriding sense of relief that I made the decision not to have kids.

I sometimes wonder if my life would be different if I hadn’t discovered Mumsnet in my late teens. I’m not sure it’s the stories about kids that put me off. It’s the stories about men.

Good point.

Though tbf one seldom hears "lovely things about having children" on MN. If I had been inclined to reproduce, reading the tales of woe here would certainly have put me off of it.

i'm happy with my choices and hope others are equally happy with theirs, whatever those choices may be.

Nasty thread. Obviously you'd find other people's children annoying. Your own children are also annoying but you're missing that it's transformative to have that love in your life. When I'm 60, I'll be sat around in peace and quiet.... missing the busy-ness of family life.

I remember someone once saying that having kids was like putting your heart in the middle of the A1 (I think it was the A1 but it may have been another busy road).

I wasn’t persuaded. On the other hand, and I think @thecatneuterer will get this, I don’t know any other feeling like the moment when a scared cat who’s just been rescued decides she / he might be able to trust you & lets you stroke them for the first time.

It's not 'nasty' for people to express satisfaction with their life choices. It's nasty to barge in and criticize people for discussing their shared experiences and sentiments on a thread in a sub-topic dedicated to childfreedom.

I think some mums read I’m glad I don’t have kids and hear “your kids are feral shitbags”. It’s not personal. You don’t need to take offence because a small minority of people are happily childfree.

😂 yes I do indeed understand that feeling. I could even go so far as to say that people who haven't experienced that have lived a life without ever feeling the greatest joy possible. But of course I don't say that as I know everyone is different.

You haven’t written lovely things about ‘not having children’ in your OP though. You’ve wrote not lovely things about ‘having children’ like arguing, not having time to relax and there being an atmosphere. On a parenting site, people will say they disagree and that that isn’t the reality for most with children. If you had written positives about not having children rather than negatives about having children it would have been received differently.

The equivalent of what you have done is if a parent posted that they are relieved they have children because of how miserable the childfree people they know seem to be, that they don’t know what real love is and their life seems so empty. There have been threads like that posted where child free people rightly post to say it’s offensive to insinuate that their life is crap and that their life is very fulfilling.

If the parent posted that they love having children because they love seeing their faces first thing in the morning, their laugh makes me happy and they love watching them learn, that would be a different thread and child free people wouldn’t feel attacked.

"You’ve wrote not lovely things about ‘having children’ like arguing, not having time to relax and there being an atmosphere."

What?? Not dealing with that shit IS one of the main lovely things about not having children. I don't want a life of chaos, strife, noise, chaos, viruses, constant vigilance over the welfare of a vulnerable being, etc. Not having to endure all that is what makes my life lovely, to ME. Others mileage may vary.

Again, parents need to stop taking it personally when childfree people are delighted in their own lives and happy not to deal with the downsides of parenting.

I remember a friend (who cannot comprehend my childfree status) earnestly telling me that having children would change my life, and that my life would never again be the same. He looked stunned when I replied “exactly! And I don’t want that. I love my life the way it is, why would I want to change it?”

We hear bullshit about how unfulfilled we must be all the time. All the sodding time. One of the reasons we asked for this board was to take a break from hearing how lonely we’ll be without a kid to wipe our backside when we’re older or some such nonsense.

It is no reflection on you or your kids that we’re happy without. To take offence is either really ridiculous or really telling.

As I said before it’s your own personal choice whether you have children or not. Infact I don’t really ask anyone whether or not they have children because I am not that interested tbh.

Exactly! I don't care what glories of parenthood I am "missing out on" because I like my life as it is now! Some childed people seem incapable of comprehending that.

So little Oliviana won't bring me a butterfly or point at a rainbow and smile. I can live with the fact that I am missing out on that, because I am also missing out on the worry, the vast expenses, the nappies, the toddler meltdowns, the issues with school, the endless coordinating of activities and sport, the endless cooking of meals and planning the food, the clutter, the relationship issues that children can cause, the medical appointments and illnesses and viruses, etc. etc.

Missing out on the "magical memories" is, to ME, a small price to pay.

Exactly how I feel!

Although Oliviana sounds sweet!

'I remember someone once saying that having kids was like putting your heart in the middle of the A1 (I think it was the A1 but it may have been another busy road).'

When I hear stuff like this I think 'NO THANKS!' Also parenthood being described as the highest highs and the lowest lows - no desire to live my life on a rollercoaster!

'Not dealing with that shit IS one of the main lovely things about not having children. I don't want a life of chaos, strife, noise, chaos, viruses, constant vigilance over the welfare of a vulnerable being, etc.'

Very well said 👍

In a lot of cases I’m either not sure if friends have children, or I’m aware that they might have but don’t know the details. It just doesn’t really come up.

But that’s got no bearing on whether we can or can’t have a happy thread about the pleasures of being childfree.

And when I’m 60, in 8 years time, I hope I’ll be still doing what I’m doing now - enjoying a happy, busy life while also getting the pleasure of peace & quiet when I choose to have it.

I never demanded that any discussion should be stopped

If people who haven’t’ had children never experience the greatest joy possible, it also seems to me that having children can also give you the greatest heartbreak possible too. The highest highs, the lowest lows, I’ve heard it said.

I was talking about cats of course, but totally agree.

I had to do a massive presentation at work today and was asked a lot of questions, points that I had to explain or defend.. my energy has been depleted and I’m delighted to have come home to quiet and silence and no more questions.
Only one question- DH asked me what would you like to eat and I said leftovers. Then we spent some time opening our early Christmas presents - all sorts of things we ordered online.
I finished the day watering my indoor plants, being delighted with new growth and even a small tomato!

Fucking Hell. Are you incapable of comprehending what you read? I do not find children annoying. I like children and have said so several times. Why are you incapable of reading the thread?

Not arguing about children is a lovely thing. This is not complex stuff. Sorry it’s triggered you.

That’s nice 👍.

It hasn’t triggered me at all. Thats a lazy thing to say because I was making a valid point, Its a forum, we are discussing an issue and people post when they have something to add. Having something to say that doesn’t agree with you doesn’t mean someone is triggered.