So relieved I didn’t have children

[Settings11111111]

Do any other child free by choice women experience this sweeping relief from time to time? I’ve just got back from a holiday with several family children who are beautifully behaved and great company but whose parents were trapped in never ending arguments about who’d do what and who could have time to relax whilst the other minded the kids. It led to several tense atmospheres.

I know not all parents argue but I’ve got home with such an overriding sense of relief that I made the decision not to have kids.

DH and I can travel, whenever we want to, wherever we want to for as long as we want to. Mind you that is also because we are retired as well as childfree (not originally by choice but life has turned out great anyway and I wouldn’t change anything).

We got back from the airport late last night (after a wonderful week in the Caribbean) so we’re having a lie-in, although it’s only 7am here. We’re going to have a leisurely brunch later with PILs which is always a child-free affair because they have no grandchildren, then buy a Christmas tree. Early night tonight as it’s back to my exercise routine of morning barre tomorrow.

I do think there are some (I hasten to add the minority) of mothers who think that childless women are stuck in a kind of perpetual 20 something state.

Hence the comments about mothers having both perspectives and childless women not, and also this idea that you need to have a child to be a fully grown, mature human. My life at 47 is nothing like my life at 25, thank goodness!

In answer to the question about what I’m up to today - gym this morning followed by ballet cinema screening this afternoon and a massive lasagne later.

Brilliant post @furrysocks . Definitely some parents can't imagine that you keep changing, learning, evolving through your life even if - shock horror - you don't have children. File it away with the nonsense about all parents being sensitive, thoughtful, empathetic etc 🙄

I’m probably going to spend this afternoon on Scotsnet, telling people that Wales is better.

I agree that everyone evolves if they want to. Whether or not you have children. I just love having time to myself to live into the day. Sometimes I take a week off work and do just that every day. I go for walks, have a coffee and nice cake in a cafe. Eat out for lunch. I just like solitude.

I agree with you and @furrysocks. However I’m very much immature for my age so I probably fit the lazy characterisation of all child-free women by some parents, but that’s okay too! Child-free can mean continuing to do the things you loved in your 20s well into your 30s. 😊 I ruffled some feathers on another thread for saying “your 30s are just your 20s with money” and was told to grow up 😂 but that has been my exact experience! I’m 36 and regularly party until the early hours of the morning and have been to more festivals this year than any single year of my 20s.

@Crushed23 why do you see this as immature though? To me immaturity is a behaviour in how someone treats others. LOTS of parents are immature in how they behave. I don't think one group has more immature people than the other.

Doing what you like doing is not immature. It's nurturing yourself.

Indeed. Poorly thought out comment.

😄

You’re right, I guess I was just using ‘immature’ as shorthand for having interests that are typically associated with younger age groups.

I feel as though it’s inappropriate for me to comment on this as I have 2 children but just wanted to add my thoughts haha. I do envy my single childless friends sometimes because I don’t ever get to do the same things they do. My older child has adhd and is a fucking live wire, it does get really hard sometimes I’ll admit as I have adhd myself so the triggers and drama from DD are constant in my house but at the same time I do absolutely love it and love my kids to death. I think you’re absolutely entitled not to want children and I think both mothers and child free women can have amazing fulfilling lives either way. I love it for you x

It's not. I think that's your own bias speaking of what societal expectations are for certain age groups.

Sounds blissful @Twatalert.

I’ve slept in until 10 (didn’t get to bed until 1 so that’s my excuse :-); am currently reading and drinking coffee as it’s still morning here. DH and I are planning a walk and then we’re going out for a family dinner later.

I know I’m being naughty commenting as I’m not CF. I’m back in the do-what-I want mode though as I have older children.

Sounds lovely. I spent yesterday at my partner’s house playing quizzes and darts and drinking wine. Stayed in bed till 12:30 today chatting and watching football. Have come home and am having a hungover Harry Potter binge day and a Sunday dinner.

Unrelated to your comment, but I have found it such a shame that the thread descended into an argument about taxes. I also have found even the seemingly kind comments from people with children telling us how wise/lucky/right we were to be a bit misplaced Im this thread. I wasn’t seeking validation or permission.

Your first statement implied that you were relieved that you’d made the right decision for you, that’s why people have validated it!

I know not all parents argue but I’ve got home with such an overriding sense of relief that I made the decision not to have kids.

I know I made the right decision. My post was clearly asking other child free women if they ever felt active relief.

@Settings11111111 Anyone can comment on any thread and say what they like though, can’t they? As you rightly say, this thread started veering off in various directions, which happens all the time on MN!

🙄 Grow up.

The thing is, it's different with your own kids. Something you'll never know.

🤣

Is it? Well that's strange. I'm thinking of all the parents I know that see going into work as getting a break, who are over stimulated, exhausted, sleep deprived. Who barely leave the house because they find it so stressful with two toddlers. Or those with MH issues that get exacerbated and, worst case, impact their children. Or the herds of single mothers with the endless financial worries as well as childcare worries. Yeah, all these things I will never know.

I’ve heard that many times over the years, but what if it isn’t? There are posters on this thread saying they regret having children and wouldn’t have them if they could live their lives again. I’ve had parents I’ve met saying the same. It may be something I’ll never know but it’s something I’ve never felt the slightest desire to find out. I could say to you that you’ll never know the bliss of having a completely child-free life and no, your experience of your teens and maybe twenties without children can’t be compared to a totally child-free life. I’m not smug about my ‘secret knowledge’ though.

What’s different? I like kids.

Good point. I like kids too. I just don't like the life I'd have with children. I wouldn't be well and all the amazing love I might feel for my children won't change this nor will it ensure they turn out ok.