So relieved I didn’t have children

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Do any other child free by choice women experience this sweeping relief from time to time? I’ve just got back from a holiday with several family children who are beautifully behaved and great company but whose parents were trapped in never ending arguments about who’d do what and who could have time to relax whilst the other minded the kids. It led to several tense atmospheres.

I know not all parents argue but I’ve got home with such an overriding sense of relief that I made the decision not to have kids.

Okay. I laughed.

😂

What does it matter. I'll probably be a drag on the system for the first time when I'm old. I can't wait.

I’m so sorry that you and your children are going through so much. Please don’t feel guilty about talking about how it impacts you too. You also matter and additional needs and medical conditions have a very real impact on everyone in the family. Being a parent is tough enough without having to be a carer too. You and your feelings and what you are going through also matter.

Same here. I spent a lovely day today working on a furniture painting project, then a leisurely shower, hair & makeup, decent outfit, and made the rounds of garden centre, artisan market, some favorite craft boutiques, etc. Spent what I pleased on myself and others.

Came home to a peaceful clean house, then my SO arrived with some good steaks which he prepared while I lounged with wine by the fire. Over dinner we discussed various current events, plans for 2026 and the possibility of a city break in December. Now he’s doing the minimal cleanup while I find us a film to watch.

I can’t imagine being happy in a kid-centric household.

Sounds like a great day @CheeseIsMyIdol!

Those that are mums were childfree at some stage prior. I think these are the people best placed to comment on which decision is more of a relief. Mums have a full circle view versus a half view of the childfree.

Of course you can’t!

or do you just want threads where everyone agrees with you

Wow. Taking the cake for utter batshittery.

What a particularly thick comment.
Are you always quite so dense?

no but just as an aside your comments do stand out as particularly unpleasant
I wouldn’t really value your opinion as you seen a rather ghastly individual to be honest

A full circle view of what? What it’s like to be a weirdo?

Agree... I have kids so am reading the thread purely out of interest. Funnily enough I can do so while respecting all your reasons for not maing the same life choices as me. This thread is not a personal attack on parents!

It’s good that you are happy with your decision OP. I think some people have kids who weren’t cut out for parenting, so when people like you recognise they’re not suited to it and don’t go on to have them, that’s a good outcome. We both really wanted children so we would have had huge sadness and regret not having them

Amongst my group of 6 friends, 2 don’t have children, one is really happy with her decision, the other regrets it now which is hard for her, and hard for us as her friends to see her going through that.

I have two children and I think what has been a big part for me of making it a lovely experience, is having a good partner. He has always done his fair share with our children so we have never argued about who does what. We’ve always made sure we both had downtime and sleep etc.

Depends how you interpret "winning".

That's complete rubbish. Not being a parent, then becoming a parent, is completely different to knowing that you will never be a parent, either by choice or circumstances. Being child free is not the same as not being a parent YET

This is just another version of 'mums know everything, CF people know nothing'

There are usually comments about being totally free to do what you want when you want. But is that really true?

In your 20s and 30s maybe.

My DC are now adults and living 4 hours away, so theoretically DH and I can now do what we want when we want.

But for a couple of years we’ve taken care of elderly PIL. We managed their move to nearer us, took them to appointments and hospital. DH managed their finances, and then their estates when they died this year. I spend my Fridays off talking my parents to assorted medical appointments and yesterday cancelled plans so that I could go and see my brother who was having a mental health crisis.

Unless we are totally alone, most of us are members of a family so look after each other. There are always commitments even if not to DC. Dealing with a stroppy elderly parent or grandparent is not that different to a grumpy toddler.

Nobody really escapes.

Thread derailed a bit, but back to original topic, I get this relief (actually a feeling of joy) several times a month. Very pleased I knew myself well enough not to have my own kids. Not least as I’ve ended up playing a huge role in the lives of some kids in kinship care. I’ve seen the reality of what can happen in a minority of cases where people had kids when they were not cut out for it (like me). Very grateful and in awe of those who do have kids (and raise them) so I don’t have to!

Being childfree was a very definite choice for me and I enjoyed having holidays, sleep, nights out with friends and money in my bank account.

Then, at almost 40, my ovaries wanted a last chance and I fell pregnant.

I’m very happy to be a mum and haven’t found it too hard to be a parent. Now DC is older we can do a lot of things that just weren’t possible when they were younger.- such as holidays, days out, theatre trips etc. However, raising DC is expensive - we bought a bigger house, pay for private ed, don’t have the new cars like we used to have, pay a fortune in extra curricular classes, clothes, school trips, etc.

Obviously, this is our choice and we could have sent them to the local school, not pay the extra curricular classes, stayed in the tiny house, etc but we figured DC is a one and only and we were going to do the very best for them we could.

My life pre -DC was lovely. Post DC it is also lovely. It is just different. However, I appreciate we have resources, DC has no SEN and is “very easy.” DP and I are both on board with parenting in a similar style and each pulls their own weight. If it wasn’t so fair and if DC was difficult then my life may not feel so lovely.

Mums weren't childfree in their 40 and beyond. Therefore that perspective is missing.

I escaped. Your point is precisely the point some childfree people make: the caring role never stops. For some it will only start once the parents are elderly. For me it won't though.

So - someone who had a child at 24 is best placed to comment on the complex emotions and choice of being childfree because she was childfree in her late teens and early twenties🤣😂.

i don’t think you really though that comment through.

What are my childfree friends up to on this lovely weekend day?

I ‘m doing more furniture painting, then a pampering shower. We’ll begin opening up the boxes of baubles and other Christmas stuff later with an old movie as background ; am thinking “Miracle on 34th Street.” Cozy fire and something nice for dinner.

'What are my childfree friends up to on this lovely weekend day?'

Been to the gym, after a lovely 8 hour sleep 👍 beautiful sunshine in London today so going for a nice cold walk and then somewhere for an early dinner with DP

I slept until 9am, then played with the cats and am now sitting down with a coffee. Will make a delicious lunch later and then go for a walk in the sunshine.

I don’t agree at all with this, not everyone is lucky enough to have parents reaching old age.