Page 5 | Parents don't care about my milestone

Hari223 · 2025-03-31T03:13:44+00:00

I've just achieved a really significant professional milestone which is huge for me - and my parents don't seem to care about it at all. By contrast, they are very focused on my sister who is pregnant and always asking after her and her wellbeing. I never wanted children and I'm happy for her (and also think it's right that my parents ask after her) but I'm envious of the automatic attention, care and goodwill it affords her while my achievement is overshadowed. Colleagues and my partner have been wonderful but somehow I can't stop obsessing about my parents' lack of interest. I don't know if anyone else has experienced this?

TheaBrandt1 · 01/04/2025 00:14

Dh parents have never really understood how well he’s done pretty much all by himself. It does annoy me abit. They are not that interested in their grandchildren either really to be fair!

TheWorminLabyrinth · 04/04/2025 19:26

I'm really stunned by how few people are getting this on here

I think they absolutely do get it, but as usual the parents had to invade and say yes yes OP, very nice and all that, but you couldn't possibly understand how much more important it is to have babies.

Congratulations Hari223 - what an amazing achievement!

TammyJones · 04/04/2025 20:35

springintoaction321 · 31/03/2025 05:33

Having a good career is meaningful! Well done @Hari223

It'll be nice to have a new niece or nephew for you - but that doesn't make your sister any better than you (obviously).

Completely agree.
well done.
im still at entry level after 20 years. ( despite trying. )
well done op.
I can pop kids out though.
well done you.. it’s fantastic!!!

Charmofgoldfinch · 04/04/2025 20:44

Congratulations @Hari223 !! 🥂I hope you have celebrated your achievement!
unfortunately I think that once grandchildren/ nieces/ nephews are being born into the family, or even when friends are having babies, then peoples interest in you decreases. There’s been so many threads on this childfree board about how family dynamics change, how childfree/ childless relatives are hurt that they are supported less/ shown less care and thought than their siblings with children etc - it’s a common theme. you are right in saying that they should care about your career achievements because it is important to you and they are supposed to love and care about you. my husband actually said something very similar to his DM when she just didn’t take an interest in our lives after his siblings had kids. She has taken it on board since and things are getting better

stclementine · 04/04/2025 21:23

Flocke · 31/03/2025 07:51

This is unfortunately life that most people don’t actually really care about anything related to you unless you have children. I figured this out years ago so I don’t bother telling anyone anything about my life. No one asks. I don’t tell. Because they don’t actually care so what’s the point?
Even if I meet strangers or through work most people just give up talking to you once you say you don’t have children as you’re just not very interesting to them. Or you get the “oh right. Well what do you actually DO with your life then?”
My husbands parents haven’t called him in over a year. He calls them. They don’t call him. When he mentioned once the fact they call his siblings every weekend they say “yes because they have CHILDREN.” So he’s learned that he’s just not that important alone to be worthy of an occasional phone call.
I think you once you accept that fact life gets easier.

I’ve experienced the same from my family. I’m always the second class citizen because I don’t have kids. My achievements are ignored, I’m constantly patronised and dismissed.

I decided a while ago to treat them all with the same level of interest as they treat me, ie zero. I have supportive friends and they are my family and know me better than my actual parents and siblings. It doesn’t hurt anymore because I have a full and rewarding life that doesn’t include them.

stclementine · 04/04/2025 21:58

AgeingDoc · 31/03/2025 14:38

Maybe I'm a weirdo but unlike many on this thread I actually don't think it is "obvious" at all that parents would be more excited about their offspring having children than about their career successes etc.
I hope that my children will continue to have happy, fulfilled independent adult lives. If that involves children at some point, fine. If it doesn't, also fine, it really isn't my business. I would however be absolutely gutted and consider myself something of a failure as a parent if any of them ever thought I viewed them as lesser than their siblings as a result of their ability or desire to reproduce.

You’re not a weirdo. You are a lovely, lovely parent and your children are lucky to have you.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 05/04/2025 07:29

I realise that I am late to this thread, and for full disclosure I now have 2 teenagers. I didn't have my dc until I was 37/40.

Dbro and DSis both had two children each before I had mine. All my achievements - PhD, professional chartership, speaking at conferences, endurance challenges, buying a house - were met with polite congratulations by DM, but nothing very deep. She would often say that she didn't understand me. It was only when I was pregnant that there was actually some common ground over which she could engage with me.

PassingStranger · 11/04/2025 14:08

Flocke · 31/03/2025 07:51

This is unfortunately life that most people don’t actually really care about anything related to you unless you have children. I figured this out years ago so I don’t bother telling anyone anything about my life. No one asks. I don’t tell. Because they don’t actually care so what’s the point?
Even if I meet strangers or through work most people just give up talking to you once you say you don’t have children as you’re just not very interesting to them. Or you get the “oh right. Well what do you actually DO with your life then?”
My husbands parents haven’t called him in over a year. He calls them. They don’t call him. When he mentioned once the fact they call his siblings every weekend they say “yes because they have CHILDREN.” So he’s learned that he’s just not that important alone to be worthy of an occasional phone call.
I think you once you accept that fact life gets easier.

Dreadful parents to say that to him

Cut them off.😫