Parents don't care about my milestone

[Hari223]

I've just achieved a really significant professional milestone which is huge for me - and my parents don't seem to care about it at all. By contrast, they are very focused on my sister who is pregnant and always asking after her and her wellbeing. I never wanted children and I'm happy for her (and also think it's right that my parents ask after her) but I'm envious of the automatic attention, care and goodwill it affords her while my achievement is overshadowed. Colleagues and my partner have been wonderful but somehow I can't stop obsessing about my parents' lack of interest. I don't know if anyone else has experienced this?

@Bababear987 it's actually not just a promotion, it's a really significant one that I've worked for my whole career to get and which most people my age don't get to. And as I said above, they didn't even call to congratulate - if they had that might have been enough. I'm not sure why it's any different for my partner, it also doesn't impact him in the slightest as it's not really a remuneration bump. He cares about it because he loves me and cares about the things I care about. I'm very lucky to have that but it in no way replaces the love I wish I felt from my parents. And I'm afraid you do sound nasty and if you knew you might sound nasty then why post in the first place.

To be fair promotions at work are often (not always depending on role I agree) just money / succeeding at office politics . You leave your job it’s gone - over in a flash. I do have some sympathy that retired parents who have an overview as to the pointlessness of many jobs in relation to familial relationships aren’t massively invested in that.

It’s almost like a continuation of being a young person your parents are involved in your exam results etc but this wears off for them. Why do you keep needing their approbation as an adult?

OP doesn't say exactly what it is, but I think a 'really significant career milestone' could be quite a lot than just 'a promotion' in terms of time working to it and scale of achievement etc. There are some professional achievements that definitely feel like the equivalent of a degree, and a card or a meal really wouldn't feel excessive for a graduation, would they?

@TheaBrandt1 I don't really know, and I wish I didn't, but I do and I can't see what I can do about that.

Yes very true if shes done a degree or something of that equivalent then yes a card or something would be nice.
Tbh I'll be doing my 2nd masters degree, once I've finished my current course and would expect my husband to take me out but not necessarily my parents, dont know maybe just different families do different things.

I have to do a lot of additional training in my job (medical related but not doctor) and I just see it as additional work for my job, not something that other people would celebrate. In the next roughly 5 years I will graduate another 2 times but I duno I just dont see it as something other people celebrate, just something I have to do as a job. But again maybe that's just me, I see it more as an obligation than something I want to do even though I'd be proud its completed.

OP just have a word and say you were disappointed with the lack of effort made and a bit hurt the didnt want to celebrate.

People dont know if you dont say and something that's a big deal to you isnt to other people but they wont have realised they've upset you most likely. Grandparents do get carried away with the though of grandchildren especially the first.

I know it's not what you want but..... could you set the precedent and ask your partner to organise something and invite your parents to celebrate your achievement?

Gosh can we trade. My parents are far more interested in career milestones than having a grandchild. They couldn't be less interested in a grandchild (and it's their first).

Have you become a KC? My LinkedIn feed is full of people in robes :).

You say they didn’t call - how do they know? Did you not call them to tell them?

And in the run up to whatever it was, were you talking to them about how you hoped to get it, did you ask them for advice, phone for a chat after the interview etc etc? Or did it come out of the blue with no context?

@SameyMcNameChange no. Consultant doctor so I guess sort of equivalent in getting to a top rung of a profession.

Yes, I talked a lot about how I hoped to get it and it being a profession it's sort of on the distant cards from day 1 if you see what I mean.

If it's any consolation, my parents were far more interested in my sister's budding career as a surgeon in a public hospital (she is still a medical officer aka junior doctor) than my pregnancy. they are so convinced she will earn 1 million per year in the private sector within the next 10 years and loaned her 3 million quid to buy a condo as they are so sure she can pay them back. They talk about her career far more than my pregnancy, like 10x more.

I got pregnant (after years of infertility) and they aren't going to see the baby even though they can definitely afford flights.

It can work both ways too.

@Bababear987 "I dont mean to sound nasty genuinely but a promotion is great for you and your partner but not something I'd expect others to celebrate for."

Others? OP isn't asking the guy who runs the corner shop for enthusiasm about this. It's her parents FGS.

(editing to add - the guy at the corner shop in my previous home would have given OP a free ice cream or something if she shared her good news!)

Yes, but we also know a promotion means even longer hours at work! Working 100 hours a week is a double edged sword. He fell down the stairs and broke his shoulder. He rang me up to ask me to take him to A & E, because he was in agony; but we had to wait, while he had a Teams meeting with a client first. He got up 2 hours earlier every day, because he worked more slowly with only one hand. That’s why he gets promotions, because he makes those sacrifices.

I wouldn’t want to do it and imo, there are times you need to look after yourself.

@Summer2025 I'm really sorry to hear that - that must be awful for you. I'm obviously not in the same situation but can try to imagine how rotten that must feel.

@Inthebleakmidwinter1 I'm also really really sorry to hear about your parents' shocking reaction to your news - that's just awful. Parents can be so endlessly, heartbreakingly disappointing but it sounds like there are some decent ones on this thread

My parents often make a much bigger fuss over my sister's achievements than they do mine.

If both achievements were mine, the ones that get a big fuss for my sister would be considered much smaller than the ones that get a "oh yeah well done" for me.

I've learned over the years that because I was always more "academic", they just expect these things from me, but don't from her.

It used to hurt, but I've come to accept it.

I think they’re totally different things and anyone coming into or leaving a family is likely to eclipse all else.

I agree with this. I have one DD who is very academic and successful in her career and I try to give her as much support and encouragement as I can.

I know her colleagues are supportive to some extent but there is sometimes an element of professional jealously so it’s safer for her to confide in me about some things , even though I don’t understand all the technical aspects of her job.

However I’ve learned a lot about her line of work over the last 10 years.

If she got a job she really wanted / promotion / professional qualification I would be SO proud and pleased for her. Id do a card, gift and meal out for sure . Her siblings would be proud too and at least send a card and call to her to congratulate her.

Though I would be surprised if it were a surprise , as she would have called me after the interview to let me know how it went .

I know you are perhaps a little older and have your own partner . But it’s pretty sad how many people on their this thread seem to think that career success for a woman is not a big deal ☹️☹️

If it makes you feel any better, they're probably showing more interest in your sister purely for selfish reasons; they are excited to have a grandchild rather than being alturistically supportive of her.

I can understand @Hari223
I would have been very disappointed if my parents had not been excited when I got my Consultant post. It's not about needing their approval - I knew I'd done well and achieved a lot, I didn't need anyone to tell me that, though of course it is nice to receive compliments. But I'd achieved an ambition that I'd had since I was in my mid teens and so had been working towards for more than half my life at the time. I was excited and extremely happy. I would have been sad if two of the people that mattered to me most in the world hadn't shared that with me. I don't think you are in any way unreasonable, demanding, or needy for hoping that your parents would celebrate what is probably one of the biggest events of your life with you.
For what it's worth, congratulations and I hope you enjoy your new role.

Thank you so much @AgeingDoc

What @AgeingDoc said. Becoming a consultant takes, what, about 20 years if you include A levels and uni.

Making a baby takes 10 months ( perhaps longer if you had assisted conception or fertility issues ).

The majority of women will become mothers but very few of us will reach of the top of our professions.

It’s a great achievement @Hari223 , many congratulations ! 👏🏻

( yeah, before anyone says it , each baby is a miracle etc etc but it’s a commonplace miracle that doesn’t trump everything else a woman does in her life. The Ops parents can be happy for BOTH daughters, it’s not either / or)

Well done on your achievement @Hari223

I don’t tell my parents anything about my life. Since accepting that they simply don’t care about anything not baby related, I have been a lot happier. It’s not about having too low standards (to PP who said this), it’s about accepting the things you cannot change in exchange for a peaceful life.

Congratulations @Hari223 🥂 🩺

@Hari223 I am sorry you are experiencing this.

Your parents are probably fixated on your sister as she is having their grandchild which is exciting for them.

I think this can become problematic if longer term your parents singles out your sister for special treatment (worrying about her etc because she had a child), as the family dynamic can quickly shift into unhealthy territory where you will feel less important simply because you haven’t had a grandchild.

Whilst a grandchild is a beautiful moment, it shouldn’t be the defining measure of pushing a parent/ child relationship into a deep and meaningful space.

I would recommend talking to them about the impact of how they have handling the situation rather than accepting the situation.

Well Done OP! Do they understand how much of a big deal that is? I've stopped talking to my family about my career as they have no idea what I'm talking about- I could tell them I've just become the CEO of a huge finance company and they would say we'll done but not see it as something to celebrate. My DD knowing all her times tables however is big news :)