Husband said something I neve thought I'd hear.

[SoRainbowRhythms]

please note this is posted in the MNers Without Children section

I've been posting on and off about my situation but in a nutshell my husband left me last week. Maybe midlife crisis / breakdown / affair / just doesn't love me any more, we've gone NC so none the wiser right now.

He's slung some (unfair and untrue) mud my way but one has really hurt me. I've always been very upfront about the fact I don't want children, as well as having reproductive issues that probably prevent it anyway. I've always said I'd be open to adoption / fostering if I ever changed my mind (40 this year and not changed yet).

He told me that he did want children in his previous relationships, and that he's just gone along with it for me and doesn't know if he regrets that now.

I was beyond shocked. He's been very vocally childfree by choice since very early in our relationship, does not enjoy the company of children (I was there the first time he held a baby and it was sheer panic) and had never, ever told me or made me think otherwise.

I'm obviously struggling with all of this but this has really stuck in my throat. Would appreciate any thoughts from other CFBC women, has anyone ever found themselves in such a bizarre situation?

This has made me particularly angry and upset because I feel like it's such a personal thing to throw at me.

I wonder what the company will do about that. Power imbalance and favouritism right there. I met ex at work and when we married I was moved away from any contact with his work (he was banking sales, I was back office).

It's very outing to say exactly but it's the kind of organisation where it's been happening for donkeys years. And I used to be in the "not my Dave" brigade about it. I won't be shitting on my doorstep again!

I was listening to one of the "Diary of a CEO" podcast and there was a guy from Harvard who's done scans on men who'd chased young women at work, then got fired as MBA case studies. Apparently, it's the same sort of hit as speed, poor lambs get hooked and then wondered what happened.

There's a guy at the gym who's just done this, got bored with wife and kid. Married shiny new woman and now she's just had a baby. He's also early 40s. I suspect he'll have another with her and then move on to next novel experience.

Hang in there, cats rock!

I dont think he really believes or feels that. In my 20s I found out he was applying to jobs all over the country and was planning to just move if he got one - we were living together at the time! To be fair, even if we were room mates, I would have expected some discussion that someone was thinking about doing that. So, I left Years later he told me he would have married me, with such venom in his voice, like he would have given me a prize for being a good girl. But by that time he had come out as gay. He was so angry at me for disrupting his life. I think a lot of people cant tolerate uncomfortable feelings such as guilt, or shame, and lash out to try and make you feel as bad/worse than they do.

Don't let him get into your head space. Do not listen to his shit chat. Grey rock the twunt please for your own sanity. I bet you have friends you could talk with and I bet he hasn't.

You hold all the cards now. If your suspicions are true, he will want to give anything to get the divorce going quickly. You can get a nice settlement here my lovely, good luck, you've got this 🤛🏻

You win that bet! I watched him discard many friends over the years. He didn't speak to his own brother for 2 years, and muggins here helped him through that.

Just an update... I'm officially in my 20 weeks, got the divorce application on Wednesday. Quite a lot of people think he may have got someone else pregnant, hence the rush. I'm starting to think it's not such a mad theory. Rather her than me.

I realised this week my Google account was still logged into his laptop. when I went in to remove it, I saw it was last accessed on the 19th February. I feel quite sick at the thought he might have been looking at my emails where there are links to this thread, as well as emails from my therapist and solicitor. Password is changed now.

I've made it through another week and have a mental health retreat next week where I'm going to attempt to give him zero headspace!

I wish I'd executed our split as brutally and clinically as you've managed, OP. I'd have saved myself two years of grief and upheaval. I wish MN had been around at the time, as well. I read some threads and think yup, that's ex to a T.

You’ve done really well. Those comments are meant to hurt, to lay blame at your door and to rewrite the history of your relationship. I hope you can disregard them in time and I’m so pleased you’ve been able to change your name.

Thank you. He started the brutal and clinical path and he deserves nothing less in return. I wouldn't be here without the huge amount of support I've got from various avenues.

@kiwiane Getting my maiden name back at work was really liberating. The minute I've bought a new place I'll do everything by deed poll.

Well if he ever reads this: shame on you, coward.

@SoRainbowRhythms you seem like a nice person, I hope it all works out for you and wish you good luck and a good life without anymore losers to cramp your style. X

Well if he ever reads this: shame on you, coward

Won't do much for his self-esteem, that's for sure.

@terfinthewild you brought a tear to my eye! Thank you. I just want to move on but can't while I'm still in "our" house. The sooner he gets his head out his arse and agrees to a fair financial split I can find my own place and get on with my life.

Maybe I'm being extremely cynical here but do not be surprised - and do prepare yourself as much as you can, if another woman is in the picture and is possibly pregnant, or soon will be. Good luck to you in your new life OP. You will be grand without him.

Ah sorry OP I rush read and responded too quickly and I see the idea is already mooted and you're on board with getting on with your life. Your opening post really hit a nerve and I am so angry for you! What a twat of a man.

Unfortunately I'm rarely wrong on these things so preparing myself for the grapevine to reach me. My friends wife is his (and her) manager and she won't be able to hide a pregnancy for long before it gets back to me.

If he wasn't such a rotten coward he could have told me himself,

Oh well - when little Alouicious or little Typhphanniii is born he/she will scream and scream and scream while you pour wine and book a holiday with your new squeeze.

God he's going to regret this so much when he's knee deep in nappies! What an absolute moron.

And never forget that I'm the evil bully who forced him to be childfree. Never mind his numerous instagram posts with #dink, him never wanting to be even in the proximity of children and the rallying cry of "how lucky are we?" when he heard the strains of next doors kids through the walls.

Sigh. I really hope this is anger coming up as I can't deal with the sad any more!

My, my, he’s a stereotypical shagging twat isn’t he? She’s 16 years younger and he’s her manager? What a boringly predictable cliche.
I think the “I always wanted children” bollocks will be what he told the OW. He will have told her that you “deprived him” of children, and she, the gullible fool, will have fallen for it, and felt sorry for the poor mistreated ickle man 🤮🤮🤮
He is a coward and a liar to boot. That’s the “prize” the OW has got which frankly no sane woman would want, gift wrapped. I wonder if she’s on here?
Either way op, this pair of turds are no longer your concern. Onwards, with your head held high xxxx

I have no business on this board/thread as I have a 1 year old, but honestly OP, I think you have a much brighter future than him and this woman he has probably knocked up.

I know some people want to do it, but a kid in your 40s is a tough path. Either his life will have to change dramatically or he will be a deadbeat, who still puts his needs and hobbies first. She has made such a poor choice.

You still get to lead the childfree life you want and which will bring you more joy, probably with a cooler future partner too! Just got to get through this bleak bit first.

It never ceases to amaze me how men will unashamedly re-write history to absolve themselves of blame. Ex told a mutual friend that our final split was by 'mutual agreement' when what he'd actually done was wait until the house was sold (new start and all that) to tell me he 'couldn't go through with this.' Rendering me homeless while he pissed off back to his flat OW had allegedly 'moved out of.' My manager at the time told me ex was lying through his teeth and had done it all deliberately, and with the hindsight of years I'm inclined to agree.

What a prince OW snagged herself.

I’m not child free so, maybe my view doesn’t count but ffs, this is absolutely on him. You told him your feelings, he said he shared those feelings and now he’s saying he lied.

HOW is this on you?

I've been asking myself that same question for 8 weeks!