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MNers without children

This board is primarily for MNers without children - others are welcome to post but please be respectful

Original poster

I need some witty comebacks for tomorrow

88 replies

worrywilma · 30/12/2023 13:52

Hi girls, we have a large family party tomorrow night and the inevitable questions of "when are you having a baby" will start from some.

My usual response is "and be a teen mum! I don't think so!" But this is getting a bit boring now I'm 36.....

I was thinking along the lines of "oh we only do anal" but MIL might be horrified by that one.

What's your favorite comeback when you get the grilling that I can pinch?

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 30/12/2023 14:46

Yes *Why are you asking me that? " seems to be a good response.

viques · 30/12/2023 14:46

You could always try “ We would have loved kids, but frankly have been put off by watching how awful so many other peoples children are. ( pause for effect, then insincere tinkly laugh) oh gosh , not yours of course…….”

Mirrorballsocial · 30/12/2023 14:48

AngryBirdsNoMore · 30/12/2023 14:42

I do like “why would you ask me that.” Delivered bluntly and with a hard stare. Used by my aunt to great effect with interfering relatives.

I like PP’s “are you really asking about my sex lite at a party?” 😂

This is good! But honestly I just make it really clear I won't be having them. I'm lucky no one asks, but I've said that's not for us or our plan. When I was younger people would say we'd change our mind and I'd just say we'll see. I'm 38 so doing well so far!

ImNotReallySpartacus · 30/12/2023 14:48

"Well, after the lobotomy, obviously."

MorningFresh · 30/12/2023 14:54

SiblingFights · 30/12/2023 14:11

Could you reflect the question back on them and say "Why would you ask that?" might help them keep their beaks out and realise that it is an appropriate (and often cruel) question to ask.

This. It's a really personal question, and you aren't obliged to answer!

Glittering1 · 30/12/2023 14:55

I don't want children, easy. No need to overthink it. Never have I ever asked any woman though when she was going to have a child. Very strange behaviour from your family.

Zimunya · 30/12/2023 14:56

viques · 30/12/2023 14:46

You could always try “ We would have loved kids, but frankly have been put off by watching how awful so many other peoples children are. ( pause for effect, then insincere tinkly laugh) oh gosh , not yours of course…….”

I like this. I used a variation of it for many years -“Oh, I’m not sure I’d be a good parent. I look at people I like and admire and see what a hash they’ve made of it and I just think if they can’t do it right, how will I?”

FortofPud · 30/12/2023 14:57

"Ooh yes, good question, but you go first with your sex life"

HottestEverRecordedTemperature · 30/12/2023 15:00

I don't know what is wrong with people asking personal questions. (See also; 'have you met anyone yet?' or 'Are you planning to get married' ).

I might respond something like ; 'We prefer not to follow the crowd' or; ' Not everyone thinks being hamstrung by societal convention is a good thing'. Or something. Not sure to be honest. I am usually one who never makes a correct response in time.

ivfbabymomma1 · 30/12/2023 15:00

"Why are you asking me that? For all you know, I could have had a miscarriage yesterday?! It could be a sore subject..."

Too harsh?

Can you tell by name I was truly fed up with the question!!!

JulieLew · 30/12/2023 15:00

'Ooh I'm not sure, when do you think I should?'

JulieLew · 30/12/2023 15:02

'I'm not sure, you'll be the first to know if that time ever comes!'

WavingCatsandDogs · 30/12/2023 15:03

You could say I prefer to keep
My nether regions intact?

Peckhampalace · 30/12/2023 15:05

Once in to my 40's I went with "it just hasn't happened for us". Depending on tone of question it might be said in a really wistful voice which generally meant no more questions.
Usually though would follow up with..but that's fine, we decided to let nature choose for us.

Back21970 · 30/12/2023 15:06

This takes me back to my younger years, I’m now 58, I am surprised things have not moved on and people are still so rude!

It’s difficult to know how to respond, for me it was upsetting as I did actually want a family and just didn’t meet the right person in time.

When I got into my mid 40’s I was finally old enough to laugh it off and if anyone then did ask I would say I was too young and waiting till I was ready 🤣

Still get asked very occasionally why I don’t have kids, usually by women around my age, followed by a pitying gaze, always makes me smile as actually content and glad now I didn’t have any.

ReineMarieGamache · 30/12/2023 15:12

I used to just say "Tomorrow" with a very straight face. Any further questions, "Yes, tomorrow first thing before coffee and then it's out the way and I can get on with the rest of the day." People used to give up pretty quickly.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 30/12/2023 15:20

'This is not something I wish to discuss.' Hard stare.

thedevilinablackdress · 30/12/2023 15:21

ReineMarieGamache · 30/12/2023 15:12

I used to just say "Tomorrow" with a very straight face. Any further questions, "Yes, tomorrow first thing before coffee and then it's out the way and I can get on with the rest of the day." People used to give up pretty quickly.

Best one yet 😁

I've always stuck with plain and simple
"Oh no, not for me thanks!"

Haveallthesongsbeenwritten · 30/12/2023 15:22

I am 35 and say i prefer cats

NotARealWookiie · 30/12/2023 15:22

worrywilma · 30/12/2023 14:39

Some of these are definitely going to be used 😂

Backstory is we did try for a couple of years but neither wanted to go down the testing route and we're quite happy as we are now, just the two of us.

We value our sleep, quiet and money! That being said, if it was to happen by a strange miracle after all this time, we'd also be happy and make it work.

It depends how comfortable you are saying this but I’d just say “well we aren’t very fertile so it’s unlikely but would be welcomed if it happens” and you’ll never be asked again…

We tried then gave up, 6 years later along came DD…then we thought we’d have another, tried again and gave up then 6 years later another surprise!

Like you, we didn’t want to go down a testing route but even after number 1 people kept asking about when we’d have a second and I did just get to the point where I said “well we’re not very fertile so it’s unlikely” and people do back off then. For me I sort of feel it might also stop them thinking it’s appropriate to ask others something so personal.

FoxtrotOscarFoxtrotOscar · 30/12/2023 15:28

Paraphrasing a Ricky Gervais line: Why would I want little sponger?

Or...simply:
Why do you ask? (hold the stare)

If they dare to continue questioning you, just reply "oh right"

If these fail, try "the less said about that better" (code for "fuck off you nosey cow").

Witchbitch20 · 30/12/2023 15:35

“Incompetent cervix”.

Stops all rude questions.

wombats78 · 30/12/2023 15:39

My pal told me to say DH was impotent.

I did tell this as a story once and it was enough to shut everyone up.

Mills86 · 30/12/2023 15:41

“I’ll spare you the details of our sex life and reproductive organs over dinner!”

Kingsleadhat · 30/12/2023 15:42

It was a very sore subject for me and I got sick of being polite. I found a very haughty "how impertinent!" would shut people up or if I was feeling less arsey "that's a very sensitive subject." Although then you're likely to get a load of advice that you don't want

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