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MNers without children

This board is primarily for MNers without children - others are welcome to post but please be respectful

Original poster

I need some witty comebacks for tomorrow

88 replies

worrywilma · 30/12/2023 13:52

Hi girls, we have a large family party tomorrow night and the inevitable questions of "when are you having a baby" will start from some.

My usual response is "and be a teen mum! I don't think so!" But this is getting a bit boring now I'm 36.....

I was thinking along the lines of "oh we only do anal" but MIL might be horrified by that one.

What's your favorite comeback when you get the grilling that I can pinch?

OP posts:
WonderingAboutThus · 30/12/2023 15:51

"not having kids, thinking of having a panda"

Dontcallmescarface · 30/12/2023 15:52

" Oh haven't you heard, I'm due on the 12th of never, when's your due?"

Glarptip · 30/12/2023 15:54

"Fuck off, ya red-nosed bastard!" should set their inquisitive mind at rest.

Puppupandaway · 30/12/2023 15:56

We used to just say that we were enjoying being young and free before we settled down to having kids. But thankfully the people who mattered to us knew to stop asking. Once someone asked us outright why we hadn't had kids, stating that my dh wasn't getting any younger. I was knocked sideways by this comment as we'd just had another negative test. I think he saw in my face that he'd overstepped and it was never mentioned again. I think if it hadn't have been for our fertility issues, I may have had fun with more flippant replies like previous suggestions.

Bananalanacake · 30/12/2023 15:58

I don't fancy a lifetime of cleaning up shit, piss and puke thanks.

IbizaToTheNorfolkBroads · 30/12/2023 15:58

I used to say "that's but a very discrete question to ask a woman if my age". Everyone shut up then.

AlwaysForksAndMarbles · 30/12/2023 16:04

‘Wow, that’s a brave question! Don’t you worry that someone might be upset by your asking?’

or

’well, neither of us has our licence yet’

Honestly, I hate those nosey twats. Be rude if you have to - by asking, they’ve been rude first, so it’s only fair.

C1N1C · 30/12/2023 16:05

I've started identifying as a hamster, so I don't want kids as I've already eaten.

GCAcademic · 30/12/2023 16:15

There were a few of us at work that used to get asked about our plans for children by one of the secretaries. One of my female colleagues, when asked, looked at the secretary in a state of (what appeared to be) genuine bewilderment and said “why would I want to do that? My life would be over”. None of us were ever questioned about it again.

GCAcademic · 30/12/2023 16:17

I was thinking along the lines of "oh we only do anal" but MIL might be horrified by that one.

It’s less horrifying than the question it would be responding to. People who ask others about their reproductive status shouldn’t be allowed out in public.

musixa · 30/12/2023 16:58

When are you having a baby?

"My contractions started about three hours ago - better get hot water and towels!"

AngryBirdsNoMore · 30/12/2023 18:32

“Gosh, don’t you think that’s a bit forward?”

girlfriend44 · 02/01/2024 16:24

GCAcademic · 30/12/2023 16:17

I was thinking along the lines of "oh we only do anal" but MIL might be horrified by that one.

It’s less horrifying than the question it would be responding to. People who ask others about their reproductive status shouldn’t be allowed out in public.

the anal one is awful and not necessary.

Tumbler2121 · 02/01/2024 16:37

Boring. Where's the red wine?

thewreckofthehesperus · 02/01/2024 16:47

Are you really asking me about my sex life? And in front of my mother/MIL/Granny? Delete as appropriate.

blackfluffycat · 02/01/2024 16:50

"I'm not interested in having kids"

Surely if they are family they already know this?

blackfluffycat · 02/01/2024 16:54

or "it never happened. If it does it does but we are happy either way" some of these responses are daft.

LookItsMeAgain · 02/01/2024 16:55

How did you get on @worrywilma ?

Original poster
worrywilma · 02/01/2024 17:01

I didn't have a single comment!! Not one!

It was truly a Christmas miracle.

OP posts:
Original poster
worrywilma · 02/01/2024 17:04

@girlfriend44 😂😂 don't worry it wasn't used.

But what is awful and unnecessary, are the questions from people about my body and life. I wouldn't dream of asking a woman if/when they're having children.

OP posts:
declutteringmymind · 02/01/2024 17:51

I'd be truthful but firm. 'Is there anything wrong with being as happy as we are?'

declutteringmymind · 02/01/2024 17:51

Sorry the whole thread didn't load, glad people have backed off.

quisensoucie · 03/01/2024 12:07

@worrywilma We only do anal!!!!!!
Perfect
Please can I use this (with the appropriate attribution, of course!)
You are a godess!

FestiveFruitloop · 03/01/2024 12:58

Ugh, feeling your pain. I'm post-menopause now so the questions have stopped, but I used to answer along the lines that I wouldn't be having kids as I was happy without them, wasn't feeling any urge to be a mother, and DH was happy with just the one (his DD from another relationship).

Quite often it would result in an awkward silence as many people simply don't seem to have it in their conversational arsenal to respond to a statement of not wanting children, but it's on them for asking such a personal question in the first place. It's beyond me why people think it's socially acceptable to ask, especially as it could be distressing if someone is TTC and struggling.

(Unfortunately as I aged I started to get a lot of sympathetic coos of 'there's still time', so I think the assumption at that stage was that I wanted to and thought it was too late, but at 36 hopefully you've a way to go before that starts up... 😄)

EnterFunnyNameHere · 03/01/2024 13:06

AlwaysForksAndMarbles · 30/12/2023 16:04

‘Wow, that’s a brave question! Don’t you worry that someone might be upset by your asking?’

or

’well, neither of us has our licence yet’

Honestly, I hate those nosey twats. Be rude if you have to - by asking, they’ve been rude first, so it’s only fair.

I like this approach, I might use it myself. "Wow that's a very personal question - aren't you worried you might really upset someone by asking that?"

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