I need some witty comebacks for tomorrow

[worrywilma]

Hi girls, we have a large family party tomorrow night and the inevitable questions of "when are you having a baby" will start from some.

My usual response is "and be a teen mum! I don't think so!" But this is getting a bit boring now I'm 36.....

I was thinking along the lines of "oh we only do anal" but MIL might be horrified by that one.

What's your favorite comeback when you get the grilling that I can pinch?

I (39) personally never get questioned but, just in case, have practiced the phrase "Oh we'd rather keep our plans to ourselves", which I think could work in a number of scenarios and doesn't provide an answer either way. It's really a polite and socially acceptable way of saying "Mind your own fucking business!"
Good luck OP!

I'm nearly 50 now so am no longer asked but I used to just say 'I don't want a baby'. A bit blunt I know; but to the point!

I've never been questioned but if I was I'd ask them why on earth they thought I'd want a baby.

I find that “Are you seriously asking about our sex life at a family party” or “Never, I can’t stand the damn things” usually shocks them into silence 😂

“Who says I want to?”

I’d say ‘My life is so great why would I want to go and spoil it?’

Could you reflect the question back on them and say "Why would you ask that?" might help them keep their beaks out and realise that it is an appropriate (and often cruel) question to ask.

My cousin said “I love kids, I just never fancied having a go myself!”

I used to say We've been trying for years, that shuts everyone up pretty quickly.

Yes I had a persistent friend asking “what are you waiting for” and was rather taken aback when I replied “Fertility”.

I used to get asked this all the time, I decided to respond 'when our IVF works'. It would stop them in their tracks and they'd usually realise they'd overstepped!

I am 61. People still ask why we don’t have children. I just say ‘we’ve not been blessed’. Which is a cop out, but is more polite than ‘mind your own fucking business’ Apparently.

I always went with ' I like kids but I couldn't eat a whole one' then changed the subject... which generally shut people up.

People seem to think whether or not other people procreate is their business, which I never understand...

Look distressed then run out of the room.

It's a potentially upsetting thing to ask but most people don't think.

My preferred riposte to 'but don't you LIKE kids??'

If you have to dignify this twattery with a response, OP, politely ask why they want to know the minutiae of your sex life.

'and when did you last have sex?'
OR
'X and I are happy as we are/enjoying holidays/disposable income/stress free free time...'
'When are you paying off your mortgage?'
'What's your dp' s favourite position?'
'That is absolutely none of your fecking business, you know nothing of our circumstances'

The best answer ever. So bloody rude of people to ask.

"Oh I love children, but I couldn't eat a whole one"
<cackle>
<hard stare>

If you don't actually want to have children then just be honest. In this day and age it's socially acceptable to be honest about this. If you'd like yhenbutnot now/ or it's been difficult got you to conceive then I understand it might be a more sensitive subject. Maybe just deflect by asking them something very personal so they can see how it's too intrusive
'Oh have you paid off that debt yet?'
'When fo you think you might be separating?'

I use similar about men, when asked when I'm going to start dating etc.

Some of these are definitely going to be used 😂

Backstory is we did try for a couple of years but neither wanted to go down the testing route and we're quite happy as we are now, just the two of us.

We value our sleep, quiet and money! That being said, if it was to happen by a strange miracle after all this time, we'd also be happy and make it work.

When hell freezes over and is turned into a skating theme park.

If you don't actually want to have children then just be honest. In this day and age it's socially acceptable to be honest about this.

DH (41) and I (39) have been together 20 years and never wanted kids, but I wouldn't share our views on the subject one way or another until I'm past the menopause and couldn't have them even if we wanted to.

This is because people are utterly incapable of nuance, and if I did suddenly lose my marbles and decide I wanted a baby at 42 years old, I wouldn't want a single "But you hate kids..." "But you always said you never wanted any...." "See, I always knew you'd change your mind...."

Each to their own though.

Well, Peter is 5 now and settling in well at school and little Evie is just about to start playgroup. It’s amazing how time flies.….what? No one told you?

I do like “why would you ask me that.” Delivered bluntly and with a hard stare. Used by my aunt to great effect with interfering relatives.

I like PP’s “are you really asking about my sex lite at a party?” 😂