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MNers without children

This board is primarily for MNers without children - others are welcome to post but please be respectful

Original poster

How do you define 'childfree'?

203 replies

Lottapianos · 10/08/2023 13:23

To me, being 'childfree' means that you don't have children, won't ever be having children, and (on balance) you are happy about that. I see parents on here saying things like 'i was childfree until I was 35' or 'i have a childfree weekend coming up'. Not having children yet is not the same as knowing that you won't ever be a parent. Other people taking care of your children for a while is not the same as being childfree. Some of us on here made a positive early choice to lead a childfree life, some of us got there later and through a more complex route, but we all share a common identity as people who are not parents

Do others on here agree?

OP posts:
continentallentil · 10/08/2023 13:25

I agree child free is a term used for people who have chosen not to be parents, but that doesn’t mean it’s the only use of it.

No one gets to own language, etc.

CherryMojito · 10/08/2023 13:34

For me it means that I don't have children and that it was a positive decision rather than as a result of circumstance.

But I agree with a PP, terms like this can have a slightly different meaning for different people.

FufferPish · 10/08/2023 13:37

Not having any children at all. So no stepchildren, foster children, adopted children, adult bio children who have left the house. You become childfree only after your decision to not have children. Before you were a parent, you were just yourself and not childfree. If you have a day without children, you are still not childfree, at best temporarily relieved of parenting duties.

I find it intensely annoying if parents come on here and post "I was childfree before I had children", no you were not, you were just you and you had not entered the childfree status as the decision had not been made (either by you, or sadly, for you).

We do not 'own language', but we get to decide for ourselves what we mean by the definition. Also the definition and use of the term is clearly context dependent. Here, childfree |= having children. In one's evening book club with other parents, the paper can also call themdselves childfree, but the social context will in that case allow a different use of the term.

cigarettesNalcohol · 10/08/2023 13:41

Agree but saying 'I have a childfree weekend coming up' does literally make sense when you are a parent.

You can also choose to be a childfree person.

Most people understand the difference.

Florissante · 10/08/2023 13:42

FufferPish · 10/08/2023 13:37

Not having any children at all. So no stepchildren, foster children, adopted children, adult bio children who have left the house. You become childfree only after your decision to not have children. Before you were a parent, you were just yourself and not childfree. If you have a day without children, you are still not childfree, at best temporarily relieved of parenting duties.

I find it intensely annoying if parents come on here and post "I was childfree before I had children", no you were not, you were just you and you had not entered the childfree status as the decision had not been made (either by you, or sadly, for you).

We do not 'own language', but we get to decide for ourselves what we mean by the definition. Also the definition and use of the term is clearly context dependent. Here, childfree |= having children. In one's evening book club with other parents, the paper can also call themdselves childfree, but the social context will in that case allow a different use of the term.

Yes.

Original poster
Lottapianos · 10/08/2023 13:55

'I find it intensely annoying if parents come on here and post "I was childfree before I had children", no you were not, you were just you and you had not entered the childfree status as the decision had not been made (either by you, or sadly, for you).'

Honestly I find it annoying too. It's just not the same

OP posts:
Florissante · 10/08/2023 14:00

I agree.

tigger1001 · 10/08/2023 14:02

continentallentil · 10/08/2023 13:25

I agree child free is a term used for people who have chosen not to be parents, but that doesn’t mean it’s the only use of it.

No one gets to own language, etc.

I agree with this.

Context is important too.

Florissante · 10/08/2023 14:12

The context is that this is the Childfree board.

SoupDragon · 10/08/2023 14:14

Florissante · 10/08/2023 14:12

The context is that this is the Childfree board.

That obviously isn't the context of the sentence "I have a child free weekend" is it? Most people are capable of grasping the different nuances of a phrase.

Florissante · 10/08/2023 14:15

I wouldn't be so certain. Some posters on this thread don't seem to be able to understand the concept of a childfree board.

ChristmasCrumpet · 10/08/2023 14:17

But if it instinctively means different things to different people, who gets to decide what they should interpret "child free" as, when they see it as a board topic?

YukoandHiro · 10/08/2023 14:21

Everybody understands what a "child free weekend" means - and it doesn't undermine the concept of being childfree in terms of a life choice.

But I think people who have suffered infertility or don't have kids by circumstance fairly call themselves childfree. Finding the benefits of not taking the life path you maybe expected or part of the healing process and the term child free is a positive, upbeat one (as opposed to childless)

readbooksdrinktea · 10/08/2023 14:23

FufferPish · 10/08/2023 13:37

Not having any children at all. So no stepchildren, foster children, adopted children, adult bio children who have left the house. You become childfree only after your decision to not have children. Before you were a parent, you were just yourself and not childfree. If you have a day without children, you are still not childfree, at best temporarily relieved of parenting duties.

I find it intensely annoying if parents come on here and post "I was childfree before I had children", no you were not, you were just you and you had not entered the childfree status as the decision had not been made (either by you, or sadly, for you).

We do not 'own language', but we get to decide for ourselves what we mean by the definition. Also the definition and use of the term is clearly context dependent. Here, childfree |= having children. In one's evening book club with other parents, the paper can also call themdselves childfree, but the social context will in that case allow a different use of the term.

Completely agree with all of this.

ChristmasCrumpet · 10/08/2023 14:24

Lottapianos · 10/08/2023 13:55

'I find it intensely annoying if parents come on here and post "I was childfree before I had children", no you were not, you were just you and you had not entered the childfree status as the decision had not been made (either by you, or sadly, for you).'

Honestly I find it annoying too. It's just not the same

To me, it means "without a child".

So yes, I would say I was child free before I had children. People who don't have DC, whatever age, to me, are child free. And like PP, if I didn't have DC for the weekend, I'd say I had a child free weekend.

Same phrase, different contexts, people can apply common sense to what someone is clearly referring too.

Florissante · 10/08/2023 14:25

ChristmasCrumpet · 10/08/2023 14:17

But if it instinctively means different things to different people, who gets to decide what they should interpret "child free" as, when they see it as a board topic?

Seriously? It's not possible to figure out two simple one-syllable words?

fullbloom87 · 10/08/2023 14:28

You can choose to be childfree then change your mind or accidentally have them at 35.
What does it's matter and why do you care?
Is it because you're trying to assert who you are as a childfree person and you don't want people nicking the term from you?

ChristmasCrumpet · 10/08/2023 14:29

Florissante · 10/08/2023 14:25

Seriously? It's not possible to figure out two simple one-syllable words?

Show quote history

Only to the conclusion/meaning you've given them? When the phrase has different connotations to different people?

You simply don't have the same instinctive definition as me. "Is it not possible for you to figure out two simple one-syllable words?" Rude, eh.

ChristmasCrumpet · 10/08/2023 14:35

Yes I agree about the "childless" though. That's a lot more concise. I would instinctively think of someone who wanted a child but circumstances have prevented it.

Child-less. Lacking child. Less than preferred. As thoughtless is lacking thought.

Where as I more associate Child-free, without a child. As care free is without a care/don't have a care anymore.

Original poster
Lottapianos · 10/08/2023 14:39

'What does it's matter and why do you care?'

🤦🏻‍♂️
Why does anybody care about anything? Yes, as it happens, being childfree is an important part of my identity for me. I had a hell of a long road to get to a point of peace and acceptance with being childfree, and I get a lot out of being part of a community of other non-parents

OP posts:
Florissante · 10/08/2023 14:42

ChristmasCrumpet · 10/08/2023 14:35

Yes I agree about the "childless" though. That's a lot more concise. I would instinctively think of someone who wanted a child but circumstances have prevented it.

Child-less. Lacking child. Less than preferred. As thoughtless is lacking thought.

Where as I more associate Child-free, without a child. As care free is without a care/don't have a care anymore.

This was debated - at length - in the original thread about creating a Childfree board.

BigBeeee · 10/08/2023 14:44

To me it means not having any children to look after. So my mother is childfree though she obviously has had children. I can go to the shops childfree if my DC are in school. It means what it says - without children.

ChristmasCrumpet · 10/08/2023 14:45

Florissante · 10/08/2023 14:42

This was debated - at length - in the original thread about creating a Childfree board.

Show quote history

Er....ok?

LadyBird1973 · 10/08/2023 14:45

Can you not be child free and a step parent? Lots of step parents have no involvement in raising step children. They have no legal rights or responsibilities. Seems a bit harsh to say those people don't count (for the purposes of this board) when they might also have made a conscious decision not to have children, but have happened to marry someone who does.

ChristmasCrumpet · 10/08/2023 14:50

I would consider any adult without a child they had PR for, Child-free.

It never occurs to me to actually label people child free because their status of how many DC they have or haven't had, is not how I would refer to someone.

I'd say "oh, remember Dave, used to be Nan's next door neighbour" or "Sharon from accounts". Unless I was specifically discussing that person and their child status somehow was relevant, it doesn't even come in to play.