How do you define 'childfree'?

[Lottapianos]

To me, being 'childfree' means that you don't have children, won't ever be having children, and (on balance) you are happy about that. I see parents on here saying things like 'i was childfree until I was 35' or 'i have a childfree weekend coming up'. Not having children yet is not the same as knowing that you won't ever be a parent. Other people taking care of your children for a while is not the same as being childfree. Some of us on here made a positive early choice to lead a childfree life, some of us got there later and through a more complex route, but we all share a common identity as people who are not parents

Do others on here agree?

What a ridiculous thread. Words have different meanings in different contexts, who'd have thought?!

Rubbish.

Mumsnet, as promoted by MNHQ, is for everyone.

In addition to the women who are childfree, childless etc, what about all of the male posters on here? They're not 'mums' either.

Except it doesn't. You're not child-free just because you happened to escape out the house sans child for a brief spell of time. You still have children.

Child-free, by definition, is people who do not have children (at all) by choice or by circumstance. It's not a catch-all term for whatever the fuck parents want to claim it as.

Not only can we not have our own board without parents stomping their grubby feet all over it-we also now can't have our own word to define ourselves.

I tend to think they just like to play oblivious but are really just obnoxious and can't stand the thought that one board on MN doesn't revolve around them.

Oh god I love Judge Judy! 😂

Hands up, I didn't notice at first that this was the Childfree board. It just appeared in Active. Have to say, though, that this is plain idiotic:

Child-free, by definition, is people who do not have children (at all) by choice or by circumstance. It's not a catch-all term for whatever the fuck parents want to claim it as.

That's literally NOT the definition of child-free. But, whatever. Your board, call a fish a dog if you like. And by all means get snippy when all the fish start protesting that they're not dogs.

When this section of the forum opened I knew it would be another 'goady' board, just like the ND board which became so bad MNHQ agreed to remove it from active.

Strange that the title of the board, Childfree Mumsnetters, is overlooked and/or interpreted in a way that is completely opposite of the purpose of the board.

I feel like parents need to just get off the child-free board to be honest and crawl back to the parenting boards.

Ah the militancy of the childfree board.

Sorry but you don't get to be the gatekeepers of language.

It's fine to say you have "a childfree weekend" as a parent, just as it's fine to say "I am childfree" if you don't have kids.

And I agree most people with kids will refer to their time before children as "before I had kids".

You're trying to elevate childfree culture that for centuries has unfairly been seen as less than, but please stop trying to demean parents using the word "childfree" it comes across as pathetic nitpicking and does nothing for your community.

I’m childfree. When I use the term, I mean that I have chosen not to have children because I didn’t want to be a parent and that was a positive choice, not one forced on me by circumstances.

If I was ever having a child free weekend that is how I would describe it. Otherwise it’s a bit of a mouthful saying I’m going away this weekend with my DH and leaving the kids with person x.

i agree with you that saying you were child free before having kids is odd!

By definition, language requires gatekeeping.

People need to stop saying "You can't gatekeep language!" as if it's some kind of gotcha. It really isn't. It's a stupendously dumb thing to say.

Words have meanings. The purpose of language is to convey messages and ideas and to enable communication between people. It only works if we all have a common understanding of what words mean. If we all treat language as "Words are whatever I want them to mean!" we're not going to get very far in communication, are we?

If I go to the doctor for chest pain, but because I don't like calling it my chest, but instead fancy calling it my leg, it's not going to get me very far, is it? "Oh, doctor, doctor, I've got this pain in my leg!"

• doctor proceeds to inspect my leg, and I die of a heart attack as I failed to convey the correct message to my doctor.

Child-free means those without children. From Oxford Dictionary:

Child-free: "Not having any children, especially by choice."

By it's own definition, it has gate kept you all from using it to describe the weekends or trips to the shops without your kids. I've never heard someone use it in that context before, either.

Most say, "I haven't got the kids this weekend, fancy doing something?" or "Before I had kids, I...."

It's actually quite clumsy to say, "When I was child-free..." to describe the time pre-kids. It doesn't really make as much sense to use that as "Before I had kids!"

I can maybe see it in the context of, "Oh, I've got a child-free night ahead of me," but I can't help but be sceptical of all the parents and their goady posts because you all seem determined to derail every thread on here when you know damn well what the Child-free board is about. I suspect many will use their deliberate "misinterpretation" of the word to justify their posting here.

@CleverLilViper the same word can have more than one meaning, and it depends on the context.

Also the Oxford English Dictionary doesn't dictate language to us, it is forever changing and being updated precisely because language and meaning can change over time depending on how we use it.

I feel like parents need to just get off the child-free board to be honest and crawl back to the parenting boards.

Since we're being particular about words -
why use the word crawl. You know what I'm saying.

I ended up on this thread because I saw an interesting OP. I don't always notice what board they're on.

I barged in apparently. I also left because I see you have a point re childfree with reference to the Childfree Board but my frame of reference in real life is clearly different. Also I'm really not welcome. Fair enough and it's not for me anyway.

you've referred to my post @CleverLilViper but it still stands.

I actually participated ( not barged ) and I left ( didn't crawl ).

Do people not usually say I'm having a child free weekend. Whereas childfree is more I've decided not to have children. It might be clunky to you but where I live I'm having a child free weekend or holiday or whatever is really normal phrasing.

Words have meanings. The purpose of language is to convey messages and ideas and to enable communication between people. It only works if we all have a common understanding of what words mean. If we all treat language as "Words are whatever I want them to mean!" we're not going to get very far in communication, are we?

I am not here to goad you but I and my social cohort genuinely use childfree in the context of childfree weekend, childfree holiday, meal whatever.

I assure you if someone said it, they would not be misunderstood here.

I would say language is always evolving.

In the context of the Child Free Board you're at total liberty to establish your parameters of what it means.

I thought you left?

Clearly not.

Christ alive, threads like these make me want to leave MN.

”Childfree” meaning “without my kids” is perfectly acceptable usage when people know you have kids and can infer that they are temporarily elsewhere. In the same way that “I’m on my own tonight” from a married woman would imply that the husband was somewhere else, rather than that she was newly single.

Saying “I’m childfree” or “when I was childfree” to people who don’t know your parental status could lead to confusion between the two now commonly-understood meanings. In the context of a random encounter, that’s no big deal.

If you’re on the childfree board, though, context would dictate that we’re talking about issues that affect non-parents. MN quite clearly hasn’t established a board so that parents whose kids are elsewhere can chat about how weird that feels.

I agree that the word has multiple meanings. What gets people wound up is the pretence and naivety. People innocently trying to suggest that they can tell people on the childfree board that they don’t understand what the word means, and then being confused and faux-hurt when they get someone biting back.

"being childfree is an important part of my identity"

That really shows.

If I'm totally honest, I'm not quite sure why you find women with children calling themselves 'child free' in a certain context so 'intensely annoying' .. I find that kind of strange. Just being honest

There's a huge difference between 'putting on a brave face' and reaching 'peace and acceptance'.

I agree that the word has multiple meanings. What gets people wound up is the pretence and naivety. People innocently trying to suggest that they can tell people on the childfree board that they don’t understand what the word means, and then being confused and faux-hurt when they get someone biting back.

Never disagreed with how it's used on here tbh.

Or that People who use this board shouldn't be able to use that word as they see fit.

And no faux anything.

But equally I know how the word is used not on this board and that's what was called into question.

And you can snap and bite back all you like because posters do anyway.

It's been too long. Bye.

This.

In the context of friends/relatives who know each other and know you've got kids-it's fine to say "I'm child-free for the weekend/night/day." Because they know you already have kids so there's not going to be a mistake in what you mean. You might need to be more exact and accurate if you're talking to people who don't know you have kids, though.

However to come on a board dedicated to the child-free (meaning-people who don't have kids) and act like it means this could be a place for parents whose kids are at school/out/somewhere else is obviously going to get people's backs up.

This is a board, the only board we have on MN, for people who don't have children. In this context-using child-free to describe the aforementioned state of having children but them not being present-is ludicrous.

The parents can't blame people for finding them goady when they are, in fact, being goady.

How condescending.