How do you define 'childfree'?

[Lottapianos]

To me, being 'childfree' means that you don't have children, won't ever be having children, and (on balance) you are happy about that. I see parents on here saying things like 'i was childfree until I was 35' or 'i have a childfree weekend coming up'. Not having children yet is not the same as knowing that you won't ever be a parent. Other people taking care of your children for a while is not the same as being childfree. Some of us on here made a positive early choice to lead a childfree life, some of us got there later and through a more complex route, but we all share a common identity as people who are not parents

Do others on here agree?

Only because parents have made it so. Those of who who don't have children, ie the childfree know what it means. But those of who are are childfree cannot have a thread in which we talk about being childfree because parents can't bear it.

The faux-naif disengenuity on this thread is tedious as are the poster who engage in this.

Get ya!

Just read the whole thread . Not Just the OPs ( which lured me in tbh )

It's simply in the context of this Board on MN.

I described myself as child free, when referring to my pre children days, yes.

As in " I used to play lots of tennis when I was child free". I think people know what I mean. That's in Real Life.

But in the context of this Board alone, there can be your own singular meanings.
Though it could be confusing as it differs generally.

Crack On.

As in " I used to play lots of tennis when I was child free". I think people know what I mean. That's in Real Life.

I think most people in Real Life would just say "before I had children".

But those of who are are childfree cannot have a thread in which we talk about being childfree because parents can't bear it.

You what? It's confusing is all.

I think most people in Real Life would just say "before I had children".

Or " in my child free days "

It's debatable. I can only refer to what I hear.

@sunglassesonthetable Indeed. If only parents would understand that this is the context specificity of the term we refer to. And it would also be useful to have some appreciation that it can be offensive or hurtful to barge in here mentioning 'your childfree life before children'.

One of the reasons we (well I, don't want to speak for others), I find it offensive is that childfree as used by a parent sometimes implies some sort of judgment as in the (proper) childfree person not having reached maturity or something. And for people who are involuntarily childfree, it can be even more painful as they might feel like they are seen as having failed to reach maturity due to e.g., infertility.

I think most people in Real Life would just say "before I had children".

Yes.

I think you're correct, I have honestly never hear anyone use the term childfree as in 'before I had children', but HAVE seen people see "I am childfree this weekend, let's go for a walk". I find the latter usage is not offensive, and the former only if used by a parent posting here.

I don't think you can "own" language-but I do think there is a significant difference between "child free" and "childless" and that most people would respond very differently to people who are one or the other.

I have children but describe myself as 'child free' if I go out without them.

*Indeed. If only parents would understand that this is the context specificity of the term we refer to. And it would also be useful to have some appreciation that it can be offensive or hurtful to barge in here mentioning 'your childfree life before children'.

One of the reasons we (well I, don't want to speak for others), I find it offensive is that childfree as used by a parent sometimes implies some sort of judgment as in the (proper) childfree person not having reached maturity or something. And for people who are involuntarily childfree, it can be even more painful as they might feel like they are seen as having failed to reach maturity due to e.g., infertility.*

No offence intended. Genuinely.

And to be perfectly honest, in the same context, you have absolutely no idea if I remain with children or not. Especially from a throw away remark to explain semantics.

I did not 'barge' I saw an interesting OP and responded.

I see your reasons, which I find very complex, but that is totally your prerogative.

The more I reply the more I think how easy it is to put a foot wrong without meaning to.

I hadn't even noticed the OP was on the Childfree Board.

To be frank... I think it's a bit off banging on about being child free and criticising parents for using the term when you are on MUMSNET.

By your own reasoning Mumsnet should be for parents only not people who are daft about the term childfree.

You must have missed the posts - yes, plural - in which MNHQ have said that MN is for everyone. And the fact that this board exists.

'To be frank... I think it's a bit off banging on about being child free and criticising parents for using the term when you are on MUMSNET.'

It's quite literally The Childfree Board. For people who are CHILDFREE to 'bang on' to our hearts content

I know we are not doing the pet pictures any more for stop derailers, but this gotcha type posting is getting SO tedious...

A fact that seems to have escaped many posters on this board, who have to talk about being parents...

But surely child free relates to what is described as childfree, so the weekend, the meal, the person so no a parent can not be child free even if the children are elsewhere but the weekend can be.

Parents shouldn't use the term for themselves. Even before the children were born a parents life isn't child free so it shouldn't be used to describe the period before they were born

A fact that seems to have escaped many posters on this board, who have to talk about being parents...

Obviously use the word as you wish on here.

But I think you need to establish a better explanation for what is 'expected' on this board altogether.

I feel like there needs to be a virtual 'turnstile' to this board.

To stop people being hurt or offended.

Well it's a qn on the childfree board, so I assume it's "what's childfree I'm the context of who this board is meant for" so more my random example than "the place I go post if my children are temporarily away from me"

My hypothesis is that people only use childfree in the offensive way once they realise they are on the Childfree board. And they do it some sort of hedging or pre-empting in the style of "man here" when posting here. I mean, people could just post and NOT MENTION that you have children?

My hypothesis is that people only use childfree in the offensive way once they realise they are on the Childfree board. And they do it some sort of hedging or pre-empting in the style of "man here" when posting here. I mean, people could just post and NOT MENTION that you have children?

Bye.

Sorry I used in the offensive way.

This doesn't really make any sense.

Language functions to enable us to adequately and accurately communicate with one another. If two people are using the same term but to mean completely different things that term becomes redundant, does it not?

If someone says they're a vegetarian-who are largely agreed and understood to mean people who do not eat meat, but they eat fish, we know they're not actually a vegetarian. They're pescatarian.

It may seem pedantic and how can someone else label someone else and "own" a word, but it's not about owning a word. It's about ensuring that the language that we use is correct and accurate and conveys the right meaning. If people took it as gospel that vegetarians eat fish, then there'll be a whole lot of vegetarians that'll be upset around the dinner table.

I mean, people could just post and NOT MENTION that you have children?

Some people are incapable of doing that. It's a shame, but there you are.

In the context of this board, it means “people who are not parents”. I don’t care whether that’s by choice, or a permanent or temporary state. It’s your current, actual status.
I think it’s relevant and reasonable to emphasise that it does not include “people who were at one time not parents, but are now”. Like others, I find it a bit irritating when someone gives themselves a special status because they didn’t have a kid until they were 40.