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MNers without children

This board is primarily for MNers without children - others are welcome to post but please be respectful

Original poster

How do you define 'childfree'?

203 replies

Lottapianos · 10/08/2023 13:23

To me, being 'childfree' means that you don't have children, won't ever be having children, and (on balance) you are happy about that. I see parents on here saying things like 'i was childfree until I was 35' or 'i have a childfree weekend coming up'. Not having children yet is not the same as knowing that you won't ever be a parent. Other people taking care of your children for a while is not the same as being childfree. Some of us on here made a positive early choice to lead a childfree life, some of us got there later and through a more complex route, but we all share a common identity as people who are not parents

Do others on here agree?

OP posts:
KimberleyClark · 10/08/2023 19:42

WiredND · 10/08/2023 17:59

I think most people in Real Life would just say "before I had children".

I agree!

I have never heard 'I was childfree until I was 35' or equivalent🙄 I call bullshit for the sake of trying to prove a point on this thread.

Childfree to me means, no children, never wanted children, happy with my decision not to have them.

Show quote history

If someone told me they were childfree until they were 35 I would assume that up to that point they had actively decided not to have children and changed their mind. I would not take it to mean that they simply did not have their first child until they were 35.

WiredND · 10/08/2023 19:46

This reply has been deleted

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You sound nice 🙄

Florissante · 10/08/2023 19:47

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That was a low blow and totally uncalled-for.

fitzwilliamdarcy · 10/08/2023 19:48

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I can’t imagine being this arrogant and condescending.

Florissante · 10/08/2023 19:53

Thank you, MN. That was a particularly horrible comment.

KimberleyClark · 10/08/2023 19:53

I am another one who now calls myself childfree after infertility. I really am not "putting a brave face on it", as a previous poster suggested. I am 20 years post the end of my fertility journey and I never expected at that time to be feeling the peace and contentment with life I feel now.

painochocolate · 10/08/2023 19:54

Florissante · 10/08/2023 19:53

Thank you, MN. That was a particularly horrible comment.

A real low blow

painochocolate · 10/08/2023 19:54

painochocolate · 10/08/2023 19:54

A real low blow

Show quote history

Not you obv

sunglassesonthetable · 10/08/2023 19:55

Last time I promise

. @ttacticall You know what you're doing and it's vile.

Nails1x1x · 10/08/2023 19:58

So you’ve decided not to have children and be child free - why does that mean any other scenario cannot use the term child free??

honestly! You don’t own that phrase!

if I pop to the shops without my children I would be going child free .. and I have the right to use that term just as much as you do that chose not to have children.

CurlewKate · 10/08/2023 20:01

Isn't there a difference between saying "a child free weekend" and saying "I'm childfree" ? To me, child free means having made a happy, conscious choice not to have children, and to be actively enjoying a life without children. Childless means someone who has had that choice taken away from them, and who might well be very sad about it. Surely it's important to know which before you discuss this particular subject with someone? I mean, you wouldn't say "You're so lucky to be able to have holidays when the kids are all at school!" to someone who was grieving their lack of children.....

UndercoverCop · 10/08/2023 20:02

I wouldn't refer in hindsight to being childfree pre DS , I'd say pre DS or before I had DC.
However before I had him I had been diagnosed with a variety of significant fertility issues and had been told it wasn't on the cards for me, years of unprotected sex seemed to support that. So I did refer to myself at the time as child free, it was a permanent state as far as I was concerned, I had lots of non child related plans. Then I fell pregnant, and wouldn't now refer back to those years as child free.
I probably would use the term child free weekend though. Eg i might text a friend saying are you around for a drink I've unexpectedly got a child free weekend/Saturday etc.
In that context itbclearly means an exception to my usual state of with a child.

Florissante · 10/08/2023 20:02

painochocolate · 10/08/2023 19:54

Not you obv

Show quote history

That's ok - I didn't think you were referring to my post!

Florissante · 10/08/2023 20:03

The Flounce Cafe is open for business.

UndercoverCop · 10/08/2023 20:04

I think it's because child free weekend refers to the weekend not the person, like child free wedding. Doesn't mean that everyone who is attending is childfree

EbiRaisukaree · 10/08/2023 20:15

KimberleyClark · 10/08/2023 19:53

I am another one who now calls myself childfree after infertility. I really am not "putting a brave face on it", as a previous poster suggested. I am 20 years post the end of my fertility journey and I never expected at that time to be feeling the peace and contentment with life I feel now.

This is me, too. And I was one of the people (under an earlier name) who participated in the debate around having this board and how it should be named.

I am now happily child free, having previously been briefly unhappily childless. I very much like that there is (was) a space here for those of us without children to discuss and help each other resolve issues which arise uniquely from our child free status.

I think it would be the respectful thing to do for parents to recognise that this space isn’t for them or their views, because they don’t share our circumstances, and gracefully post only where they have something to add which is helpful. A bit like I do, by avoiding commenting on parenting matters.

And stop arguing about what we mean by childfree. It’s disingenuous to make out you don’t understand, especially given this context.

Florissante · 10/08/2023 20:25

That's a sensible post and much appreciated, @EbiRaisukaree .

WiredND · 10/08/2023 20:30

if I pop to the shops without my children I would be going child free .. and I have the right to use that term just as much as you do that chose not to have children.

I'm just popping to the shops, child free.

Who says that? I call bullshit again.

You'd be going to the shops without your child/children.

oopsienightsie · 10/08/2023 20:38

Lottapianos · 10/08/2023 13:23

To me, being 'childfree' means that you don't have children, won't ever be having children, and (on balance) you are happy about that. I see parents on here saying things like 'i was childfree until I was 35' or 'i have a childfree weekend coming up'. Not having children yet is not the same as knowing that you won't ever be a parent. Other people taking care of your children for a while is not the same as being childfree. Some of us on here made a positive early choice to lead a childfree life, some of us got there later and through a more complex route, but we all share a common identity as people who are not parents

Do others on here agree?

@EbiRaisukaree but the OP didn't make it clear that she was talking about this board specifically.

She refers to "here" a lot, I interpreted this as mumsnet as a whole, not one specific board.

FuppingEll · 10/08/2023 20:40

WiredND · 10/08/2023 20:30

if I pop to the shops without my children I would be going child free .. and I have the right to use that term just as much as you do that chose not to have children.

I'm just popping to the shops, child free.

Who says that? I call bullshit again.

You'd be going to the shops without your child/children.

Do you know anybody with children? Seriously, loads of people use child free to indicate they are doing something without children. Mine are teens now so I tend to use kid free, I also use dog free sometimes like I'm going on a dog free walk.

SoftSheen · 10/08/2023 20:44

No-one owns language and childfree may have different meanings to different people.

To me, 'child-less' suggests that you've never had children but 'child-free' implies that you have had children, but are currently free of them.

WiredND · 10/08/2023 20:46

Do you know anybody with children?

Are you serious?

ttacticall · 10/08/2023 20:52

Well I certainly didn't expect that response.

I apologise for the offence caused.

FarEast · 10/08/2023 20:54

I see parents on here saying things like 'i was childfree until I was 35' or 'i have a childfree weekend coming up'. Not having children yet is not the same as knowing that you won't ever be a parent.

Totally agree. I've had people say they remember what it was like before they had DC. They really don't understand how it is not the same thing.

FuppingEll · 10/08/2023 20:54

WiredND · 10/08/2023 20:46

Do you know anybody with children?

Are you serious?

Well it's hardly a trick question is it? You seem determined to bullshit a really normal turn of phrase, the only reason I can think that you have never heard of it is that you have never actually been around parents.

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