Worst comment you've had as a child free woman

[derekdied]

I'll start. Someone I had literally met about fifteen minutes previously. One of her first questions "do you have kids?" Me "no.." her "oh could you just not be bothered with the responsibility?" 😮

Not me, but someone I know was told by a (female) colleague that she shouldn't have been given her job because she doesn't have children. She's a midwife, and a bloody good one too, but apparently it's inconceivable that a child free woman could effectively care for a woman in labour having never done it herself. The speaker had no issues with male obstetricians mind you - that's different.🙄

Exactly. People judge whatever you do... it's always the child free blown up on MN

MIL: ‘I’m glad you can’t have children. It would take the attention away from X and Y’. (My stepchildren who were in their very late teens at the time).

FFS, the opening post was clear, the section of the forum is clear and people keep on posting nasty shit without reading and/or understanding the purpose of the thread.

RTFT 😡

I've had loads of negative comments about my choice not to have children, including unwanted comments from a taxi driver who said I'd change my mind - yeah right, I'm in my 50's and I was sterilised in my early 20's.

Just a snapshot of some of the shitty comments I've had:

You're so selfish.

You're not natural for not having any maternal feelings.

You'll never experience true love.

You're missing out on so much.

Children are the best thing and you're denying yourself?

Are you infertile? (I'm wasn't and I cannot imagine the hurt women must experience if this is the case. Such an insensitive, intrusive question).
It's a good job you didn't have any children as they could've been deaf (I am deaf)

Loads of comments from colleagues over the years implying I am 'less than', that I should work late to cover them (school run and/or lack of childcare excuse) and I should work all school holidays, Christmas, Easter etc and take my leave outside of these holidays because I don't have children. One manager, female, actually agreed with them and refused my leave. I went to the trade union and HR.

Its none of her business wether you have kids or not and neither should you have to justify the reasons to her.

I think some people ask because they are just making conversation but not everyone has the ability to communicate with any dignity or even kindness.

I would not disclose anything to her to be honest, she's not the sharpest tool in the box.

Not nasty but something I find baffling is the people who say "isn't it lucky your DH didn't want kids either. That would have been awkward if he did".

Well no, because we talked about it before we got married and if he had wanted them we never would have married.

I just assumed that all couples have that conversation otherwise it doesn't matter how much you love the person, the marriage will never work.

I assumed that’s what you meant when you said that we childfree shouldn’t be bothered by comments like “why are you even still alive?” and “I’d rather have died during your surgery”, but that those same comments were appalling and heartbreaking for the childless.

(I say “we” childfree, I’m actually both, and it’s complicated.)

This is the childfree board. This thread is about comments made to people who don’t have children. What people say about people with children is, for the purposes of this thread and board, completely irrelevant.

I was told I would never be a good teacher if I didn't have children because I would never really understand or care about them.

I hear ya. I'm both too.

I had someone say to me, really casually 'Oh well, if you want kids when you're older, you can always adopt'.

I wanted to say 'Do you even understand what childless by choice means, dim wit?! and 'If I want kids when I'm older, I'll have MY OWN thanks.'

But I'm 39 and still not interested, so FUCK YOU!

If you read my update post, you'll see that I was just confused about who the board was specifically aimed at, due to comments questioning the same thing.

I am childless and wasn't sure if it was just for the childfree by choice, rather than anyone and everyone who doesn't have kids.

Not sure why you stated the last sentence of your post, I never made any such comments, or agreed with any comments along those lines?

Something has just come back to me because of posting on another thread

"what do you want sex for if you dont want children"

Said to me by an old male GP when i was trying to seek some help and support about what was going on not going on in my marriage.

It's for anyone who doesn't have children, regardless of the reason. Obviously some threads might only be relevant to specific situations, as you'd find on any board, but the broad aim is for the board to be a supportive space for anyone living their life without children in it.

The worst one I've heard, was at a family party.

I overheard 2 older family members gossiping about everyone. They started talking about a cousin, who like me was childless by choice.

Older 1: Sandra is over there. . Still without a husband and children, I see.
Older 2: oh god yes, when will she settle down?
Older1: maybe men dont find her attractive enough to have sex with her.

I was gobsmacked. To this day, I'm ashamed I didn't say anything and give them hell.

I've done that thing where in your head, you come up with a brilliant bitchy retort.

You know, something like "If attractiveness is the essential requirement to having children, why do you 2 have children?" - or something equally cutting.

I a reminded of a new boss who asked if I had children, when I said no she said “oh, opted for the quiet life did you? Probably wise”. I was childless not by choice then, though childfree now, and her comment cut me although she was probably just making conversation and just spoke before engaging her brain.

I didn't say that you did. I was referencing the comments made by several on the post who were saying 'are only childfree allowed to post then' whenever those types of comments were called out. Yours just happened to be the one I quoted.

There were massive dramas not long ago, filled with sarcastic comments, over 1) whether this topic should even be created and 2) what it should be called and who it's for, so unfortunately I view those who still bleat on about 'but who is this foooooooooorrrrr' as a tad disingenous, as it was so hotly debated.

Apologies if this wasn't your intent.

Christ - so now not only do women who can’t have children have to justify why they are on MN but also why they are on this section.

Ignore that poster. As @musixa said

It's for anyone who doesn't have children, regardless of the reason. Obviously some threads might only be relevant to specific situations, as you'd find on any board, but the broad aim is for the board to be a supportive space for anyone living their life without children in it.

I genuinely wasn't meaning to bleat on, or cause drama, or come across as sarcastic or disingenuous.

I was just asking if it was OK as a childless woman not by choice, to post in this section.

I didn't know if it was made just for women who specifically don't want children.

Thank you so much, this is all I was asking for, clarity.

I got told on MN that as a woman without a child my life was inherently worth less than a parents life, and in a situation where it came down to me dying vs a parent dying (think hostage situation or lack of donor organs) that I should be willing to volunteer to die because I am inherently less worthy

On the feminism board

Because all women are equal but some women are more equal than others

Wow. Just wow.

Christ.