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MNers without children

This board is primarily for MNers without children - others are welcome to post but please be respectful

Original poster

Worst comment you've had as a child free woman

914 replies

derekdied · 09/07/2023 18:54

I'll start. Someone I had literally met about fifteen minutes previously. One of her first questions "do you have kids?" Me "no.." her "oh could you just not be bothered with the responsibility?" 😮

OP posts:
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16
fitzwilliamdarcy · 27/10/2023 22:05

I’ve had similar quips on training courses and I always think it’s such a weird thing to do - do they think that everyone in the room must by definition be a parent? Or that whatever nonsense they’re spouting is such a universal truth that any non-parent couldn’t possibly take offence at it?

On parents butting in - I used to be involved in a work childlessness support group. Someone joined and spent every session talking about her daughter’s infertility. I felt like screaming “yes and were she here, she’d get comfort and support but instead we’re all trapped in a Parenting Group despite the only defining factor about this group being the inability to have children!”

Some people just can’t help it - everything just has to involve them in some way. Main character syndrome.

TheLadyofShalott · 28/10/2023 18:39

When I told my MIL I didn’t want children, she said ‘If I hadn’t had children I wouldn’t have had anything to live for’ In front of my FIL, who looked terribly hurt 😞

Rufus27 · 29/10/2023 10:31

‘No offence, but Christmas is al about the children’ (said by SiL).

I unexpectedly became a parent at 46 but still disagree with SiL.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 29/10/2023 10:34

Rufus27 · 29/10/2023 10:31

‘No offence, but Christmas is al about the children’ (said by SiL).

I unexpectedly became a parent at 46 but still disagree with SiL.

"No offence, but you're talking rubbish, SIL."

I'm sure the fabulous Christmas displays in the windows of shops like Fortnums, Harvey Nicks and Selfridges aren't directed at children.

Flanksteak · 29/10/2023 10:43

Rufus27 · 29/10/2023 10:31

‘No offence, but Christmas is al about the children’ (said by SiL).

I unexpectedly became a parent at 46 but still disagree with SiL.

It's Christmas, not childmas. If everyone else can take the parts of Christmas they like and add on other stuff and leave out the parts they don't like them so can childfree and childless and not-childed-yet people 🤷🏼‍♀️

KimberleyClark · 30/10/2023 08:56

TheLadyofShalott · 28/10/2023 18:39

When I told my MIL I didn’t want children, she said ‘If I hadn’t had children I wouldn’t have had anything to live for’ In front of my FIL, who looked terribly hurt 😞

Such a small and narrow view of life, it’s actually really sad she feels like that!

GerbilsForever24 · 30/10/2023 10:58

TheLadyofShalott · 28/10/2023 18:39

When I told my MIL I didn’t want children, she said ‘If I hadn’t had children I wouldn’t have had anything to live for’ In front of my FIL, who looked terribly hurt 😞

People who say things like this immediately ring huge alarm bells for me. If you are so invested in being a parent, and your children, I worry what harm you've done to your DC.

Have you had to help your DH to "grow up" due to MIL!!? Grin

LoobyDop · 30/10/2023 18:38

From the current Chat thread “Are you the star of the show?”

In my experience most single, childless women are the centre of their own universe. They have no one else to think about. I don’t mean it in a mean way, but those of us with DH,DC, a dog, a cat, etc. always put everyone else before ourselves. It’s our default setting. Although, I do know a few women who despite having all the above are still the centre of their own universe. It’s known as narcissism.

TrundleWheel76 · 30/10/2023 18:40

LoobyDop · 30/10/2023 18:38

From the current Chat thread “Are you the star of the show?”

In my experience most single, childless women are the centre of their own universe. They have no one else to think about. I don’t mean it in a mean way, but those of us with DH,DC, a dog, a cat, etc. always put everyone else before ourselves. It’s our default setting. Although, I do know a few women who despite having all the above are still the centre of their own universe. It’s known as narcissism.

I was appalled by that too. A terrible attitude to have about childfree people.

CliantheLang · 30/10/2023 18:44

It’s known as narcissism.

Hilarious. The dictum "accusations are admissions" comes to mind.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 30/10/2023 18:55

CliantheLang · 30/10/2023 18:44

It’s known as narcissism.

Hilarious. The dictum "accusations are admissions" comes to mind.

As does 'perception is projection.'

https://www.coachingwithnlp.co/perception-is-projection/

What's the actual merit in always putting everyone before yourself, anyway? that just sounds like martyrdom to me.

fitzwilliamdarcy · 30/10/2023 19:18

Wait, so no single childfree women have family members or pets? What a revelation!

Also, it’s funny how it’s never childfree men, isn’t it?

Anyway… I’d love someone to tell my mum that she “always puts everyone else above herself”. Never noticed that in my childhood - it was alcohol above everything else!

Normalsizedsalad · 30/10/2023 19:39

LoobyDop · 30/10/2023 18:38

From the current Chat thread “Are you the star of the show?”

In my experience most single, childless women are the centre of their own universe. They have no one else to think about. I don’t mean it in a mean way, but those of us with DH,DC, a dog, a cat, etc. always put everyone else before ourselves. It’s our default setting. Although, I do know a few women who despite having all the above are still the centre of their own universe. It’s known as narcissism.

It's called not being a martyr🙄

Catsmere · 30/10/2023 20:00

LoobyDop · 30/10/2023 18:38

From the current Chat thread “Are you the star of the show?”

In my experience most single, childless women are the centre of their own universe. They have no one else to think about. I don’t mean it in a mean way, but those of us with DH,DC, a dog, a cat, etc. always put everyone else before ourselves. It’s our default setting. Although, I do know a few women who despite having all the above are still the centre of their own universe. It’s known as narcissism.

Why does this halfwit think (I use the term loosely) single, childfree women don’t have family and pets to care for?

daliesque · 30/10/2023 20:00

always put everyone else before ourselves. It’s our default setting.

It's actually quite disturbing that some women still boast that they put everyone else above themselves. Unless they like being a martyr, then they maybe need to look at their lives ans make some changes.

LoobyDop · 30/10/2023 20:02

It is just martyrdom, isn’t it? I love my husband (and even some other people, heaven forbid) but my show is my show. I’m the only person 100% guaranteed to be in it all the way through!

Catsmere · 30/10/2023 20:07

And sooner or later these martyrs will be complaining on MN or to therapists that their DH and DC take them for granted, don’t lift a finger to do any housework, don’t treat them with any respect, and they’re expected to do all the care for their parents and inlaws.

That, or they’ll hit the bottle.

Flanksteak · 30/10/2023 20:09

daliesque · 30/10/2023 20:00

always put everyone else before ourselves. It’s our default setting.

It's actually quite disturbing that some women still boast that they put everyone else above themselves. Unless they like being a martyr, then they maybe need to look at their lives ans make some changes.

It's not 'everyone' anyway. It's just their 'selfishness' extends to their child(ren).

Everyday on Mumsnet alone we have children being left out of birthday parties, parents sick of their child's friend, irritated by other children in cafes or park or soft play, people complaining their nephew has been hitting their child and their sister doesn't care etc. Those people aren't putting 'everyone' first. If I was arranging a child's birthday party I wouldn't leave one child out, but there's often parents who think that's fine being discussed here.

Not to mention how often LTB and go NC are thrown around about husband's, mother in law's, sisters, friends etc, and people not wanting to visit their mil for Christmas and wanting to stay home with 'our family', that's not putting 'everyone else' first is it.

Maybe the parents who feel like they put everyone else first could pair up with the childfree\less people who never get Christmas off and the parent could put the childfree\less person before themselves as that childfree\less person is part of 'everyone else'.

Catsmere · 30/10/2023 21:07

I’m so tempted to tell that poster “I’d point out in detail how offensively stupid that comment was, but I have to get my mother dressed, give her her meds and breakfast, and give my cat her second round of meds, so I haven’t time.”

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 31/10/2023 02:20

daliesque · 30/10/2023 20:00

always put everyone else before ourselves. It’s our default setting.

It's actually quite disturbing that some women still boast that they put everyone else above themselves. Unless they like being a martyr, then they maybe need to look at their lives ans make some changes.

Being a doormat is not a badge of honour. More women need to learn that.

SilkTrees · 31/10/2023 09:36

LoobyDop · 30/10/2023 20:02

It is just martyrdom, isn’t it? I love my husband (and even some other people, heaven forbid) but my show is my show. I’m the only person 100% guaranteed to be in it all the way through!

Absolutely. I have a husband (and a child -- I lurk on here because I was very happily childfree for far more of my adult life than I've been a parent), and friends and other relatives I adore, but absolutely I'm centred on my own life, and I don't think this is a bad thing in the slightest.

Goodornot · 01/11/2023 18:20

LoobyDop · 30/10/2023 18:38

From the current Chat thread “Are you the star of the show?”

In my experience most single, childless women are the centre of their own universe. They have no one else to think about. I don’t mean it in a mean way, but those of us with DH,DC, a dog, a cat, etc. always put everyone else before ourselves. It’s our default setting. Although, I do know a few women who despite having all the above are still the centre of their own universe. It’s known as narcissism.

Dear God.

I'm childless and my sister has a child. I'm the one who spends all my time thinking of everyone else. Full time demanding career. Looking after ill mother, taking everyone in the families shit, listening to sisters self created drama amd sorting that out whilst she absolves herself of any responsibility and says I have a child as if that makes her Kofi Annan. I get all of the shit dumped on me to sort because i don't have children.

This child is with its dad 50/50 and she barely works.

But if I raise my career as a reason I'm run off my feet I get called an arrogant bastard who is just showing off. I'm not joking.

I just can't win.

Liverpool52 · 02/11/2023 22:44

Waiting for the complaint threads about the Waitrose Christmas ad - not a child in sight.

CrunchyCarrot · 03/11/2023 11:31

From the Conflict in the Middle East thread:

Any reasonable person wants to see the violent conflict stop. We are a network of Mums. Who can bear to see children suffering like this?

Starts off OK with 'any reasonable person' but we surely don't need to invoke 'being a network of mums' as well.

KimberleyClark · 03/11/2023 14:12

It’s ironic because on another thread someone stated that her elderly mother had fallen over in her garden and couldn’t get up, and a woman passing by refused to call an ambulance or go into the house to fetch her phone as she was on her way to collect her children from school. So much for mothers being more empathetic and caring.