Page 13 | Worst comment you've had as a child free woman

derekdied · 2023-07-09T17:54:21+00:00

I'll start. Someone I had literally met about fifteen minutes previously. One of her first questions "do you have kids?" Me "no.." her "oh could you just not be bothered with the responsibility?" 😮

SilkTrees · 20/07/2023 13:14

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 19/07/2023 08:04

And a bit later, a friend of MIL's suggested I could just shag BIL to get around the fact that DH is infertile. Even MIL was a bit taken aback at that one.

See what I mean by coming out with witless comments? 😅

God, that's more than just witless, that's pretty surreal!

Ketzele · 20/07/2023 13:36

I do have kids but didn't have them till I was over 40 so have heard a fair few of these in my time.

At one point I lived in a flat with my (same sex) partner next door to a widow and her 12yo dd, immigrants from a very socially conservative country. We got on well: I used to rescue them from mice, they used to send over trays of food.

One day the girl asked, "Do you two live here on your own?" "Well yes, with each other" I replied. She said, "But where is your mummy?" I was in my mid 30s! She had us pegged as much younger because she just couldn't conceive of adult women not having a husband or children - and if we were too young for all of that, we should be with our mums.

Ketzele · 20/07/2023 13:37

I hate the "Just adopt" thing. And I did adopt.

CaptainBatEars · 20/07/2023 14:14

Absolutely. Like adoption is such a flippin' breeze.

@CleverLilViper it never fails to amaze me how some people are so unable to realise that you might have come to the conclusion you don't want children All By Yourself but also that's it's a perfectly valid choice. Is there any way you can just swerve these conversations? I do remember DH getting increasingly irritated by the badgering from family and friends and losing his shit epically finally in a restaurant about it. No one ever mentioned it again to us after that.....

@Catsmere understood, and without wanting to put pressure on your friend (who sounds lovely!) if as I expect she gets a post-course feedback form, perhaps she could mention the inappropriate comments on there. She could even do it from the perspective of another student who'd witnessed them so it won't look as though it's her direct. The tutor & college really do need to know that this isn't on.

Catsmere · 20/07/2023 22:43

Lykkeli · 20/07/2023 13:01

"It's just what you do"
Wow, that's actually quite sad that somebody is totally unable to think for themselves and think about what sort of life they actually want, they just feel they have to go along with the majority because "That's what people do." How depressing.

Not to mention it's all very well for him - all he does is get his end away, not risk his health, even his life, in pregnancy, culminating a dangerous, physically traumatic process, for the reward of twenty-odd years raising a kid he didn't even want!

Lykkeli · 20/07/2023 22:44

Exactly!!

Catsmere · 20/07/2023 22:45

@CaptainBatEars that's a good point, I could just ask her if they have feedback forms and mention it'd be worth putting all these comments down.

Theraininpsain · 21/07/2023 09:39

Catsmere · 20/07/2023 22:43

Not to mention it's all very well for him - all he does is get his end away, not risk his health, even his life, in pregnancy, culminating a dangerous, physically traumatic process, for the reward of twenty-odd years raising a kid he didn't even want!

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I do sometimes wonder if I'd been born male if I might be more inclined to have kids. No pregnancy and labour. No recovery with possibly severe birth injuries while also breastfeeding a tiny little creature. No being trapped at home for a year with this creature entirely dependent on me. Less judgement as the father if you do decide it's all too much and want to move out but still see the kids for one day a week. Knowing that's it's your wife who school will ring first if the child is ill and needs picking up.
I still don't think I'd want it but I think I'd be far less decided about it.

OutsideLookingOut · 21/07/2023 09:52

Theraininpsain · 21/07/2023 09:39

I do sometimes wonder if I'd been born male if I might be more inclined to have kids. No pregnancy and labour. No recovery with possibly severe birth injuries while also breastfeeding a tiny little creature. No being trapped at home for a year with this creature entirely dependent on me. Less judgement as the father if you do decide it's all too much and want to move out but still see the kids for one day a week. Knowing that's it's your wife who school will ring first if the child is ill and needs picking up.
I still don't think I'd want it but I think I'd be far less decided about it.

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I would be a magnificent father :). I might have idea written to me

OutsideLookingOut · 21/07/2023 09:52

I would be a magnificent father :). I might have idea written to me

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Odes even, I wish there was an edit button

Hibiscrubbed · 21/07/2023 09:56

I’ve never really pondered this. If I was born male, I reckon I probably would have wanted children. It’s a fucking doddle for them and when they make even the barest efforts, they are lauded by women and society as a whole as some sort of king among men.

Catsmere · 21/07/2023 11:59

Theraininpsain · 21/07/2023 09:39

I do sometimes wonder if I'd been born male if I might be more inclined to have kids. No pregnancy and labour. No recovery with possibly severe birth injuries while also breastfeeding a tiny little creature. No being trapped at home for a year with this creature entirely dependent on me. Less judgement as the father if you do decide it's all too much and want to move out but still see the kids for one day a week. Knowing that's it's your wife who school will ring first if the child is ill and needs picking up.
I still don't think I'd want it but I think I'd be far less decided about it.

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Yes, it's all too easy for them. As the old joke goes, if men gave birth there would only be one-child families.

Possimpible · 23/07/2023 10:50

I don't think it's the worst comment ever made to me, but the one playing on my mind is a comment from a GP last week. So for context I don't like children, pretty sure I don't want them, but I'm 33 so sort of in the maybe one day but probably not stage.

I was in for an unrelated reason (had said I'd been putting it down to wedding stress as recently married) and she asked if I could be pregnant (no). I mentioned I'm due a follow-up smear after abnormal cells. She said 'oh are you waiting to get this all sorted before you start trying?' 😮I found it so rude and presumptuous. It's left me feeling really shitty actually, like there's something wrong with me.

Daleksatemyshed · 23/07/2023 16:10

Not a comment to me but by a woman at work about Christmas, insistant that all her Daughters had to visit on the day "because she wasn't having Christmas day without seeing all her DGC". Then as an after thought "well I don't care if A doesn't come but she's got no kids". All the never ending times you read on here how people's DC are their world and they love them more than anyone, unless you don't give them DGC it seems.

JorisBonson · 23/07/2023 16:23

Possimpible · 23/07/2023 10:50

I don't think it's the worst comment ever made to me, but the one playing on my mind is a comment from a GP last week. So for context I don't like children, pretty sure I don't want them, but I'm 33 so sort of in the maybe one day but probably not stage.

I was in for an unrelated reason (had said I'd been putting it down to wedding stress as recently married) and she asked if I could be pregnant (no). I mentioned I'm due a follow-up smear after abnormal cells. She said 'oh are you waiting to get this all sorted before you start trying?' 😮I found it so rude and presumptuous. It's left me feeling really shitty actually, like there's something wrong with me.

GP's can be the worst.

I had a conversation with (not my usual) GP about coming off the pill. He automatically assumed it was because I was trying. He pulled such a "does not compute" face when I told him my husband was getting the snip and that we don't already have children.

CaptainBatEars · 23/07/2023 19:43

I think it's worth mentioning that to the practice manager, tbh. That's very poor form from a GP, especially a female one, and she could do with some feedback.

@Daleksatemyshed - indeed. As I mentioned above, my MIL couldn't be arsed to come to Christmas at ours because we had no children. She'd only been invited out of politeness so actually it was a bit of a bonus 😂

ThatFraggle · 23/07/2023 20:09

"You never know love until you have a baby!"

The logical extension of this is: (1) you don't actually love your partner/spouse, and they don't love you. (2) you don't love your parents. (3) you don't love your siblings. (4) you don't love your grandparents or any of your extended family. (5) that friend you went to nursery with, were each other's bridesmaids and godmother to her children, saw you through a mastectomy, you buried all your parents together. Turns out, you don't actually love her.

And if you go ahead and have that baby, it will be with the guarantee it won't actually love you. Because the only love that exists is from parent to child.

KimberleyClark · 23/07/2023 22:03

This post appeared at the end of a thread entitled “AIBU To think the UK is more tolerant of dogs than children”

*We’ve always had the Victorian coldness and cruelty but now we’ve added the trendy child-free element too. People convincing themselves they don’t want kids then desperately filling the void with dogs.

Kids are not just part of society, they are the future of society. The wannabe misanthropes say they don’t care but let’s see how they like being old and sitting in their own filth because nobody exists to help.

As for the idea that the bond with dogs is as important as humans… dogs die every ~10 years. My fur baby is gone, but no worries, I’ll just go and buy a new one. Lovely 🙄*

Great eh.

Catsmere · 23/07/2023 23:02

ThatFraggle · 23/07/2023 20:09

"You never know love until you have a baby!"

The logical extension of this is: (1) you don't actually love your partner/spouse, and they don't love you. (2) you don't love your parents. (3) you don't love your siblings. (4) you don't love your grandparents or any of your extended family. (5) that friend you went to nursery with, were each other's bridesmaids and godmother to her children, saw you through a mastectomy, you buried all your parents together. Turns out, you don't actually love her.

And if you go ahead and have that baby, it will be with the guarantee it won't actually love you. Because the only love that exists is from parent to child.

👏👏👏👏👏👏

Catsmere · 23/07/2023 23:05

KimberleyClark · 23/07/2023 22:03

This post appeared at the end of a thread entitled “AIBU To think the UK is more tolerant of dogs than children”

*We’ve always had the Victorian coldness and cruelty but now we’ve added the trendy child-free element too. People convincing themselves they don’t want kids then desperately filling the void with dogs.

Kids are not just part of society, they are the future of society. The wannabe misanthropes say they don’t care but let’s see how they like being old and sitting in their own filth because nobody exists to help.

As for the idea that the bond with dogs is as important as humans… dogs die every ~10 years. My fur baby is gone, but no worries, I’ll just go and buy a new one. Lovely 🙄*

Great eh.

I didn't get that far in that thread. What a charmer. Wonder how long before someone hands them their arse on a plate?

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 24/07/2023 00:36

People convincing themselves they don’t want kids then desperately filling the void with dogs.

I've known since I was a child that I don't want kids. People have tried to convince me that I should want them and have failed. I also don't like dogs.

Kids are not just part of society, they are the future of society.

I can believe that and at the same time want no part in birthing or raising them.

Catsmere · 24/07/2023 00:52

Isn’t it a nice let-out for a government if aged care is dumped on untrained, unpaid and probably unwilling adult offspring instead of a proper system being set up?

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 24/07/2023 01:01

As for the idea that the bond with dogs is as important as humans… dogs die every ~10 years. My fur baby is gone, but no worries, I’ll just go and buy a new one.

Dcat is 12 and I've been his since he was eight weeks old. I've never been with a DP for more than three years. DM's late Dcat was 21 when he died, having been born in her house; that relationship was longer than her marriage to DF. But sure, the bond with animals is less important.

Catsmere · 24/07/2023 01:32

VitoCorleoneOfMNMafia · 24/07/2023 01:01

As for the idea that the bond with dogs is as important as humans… dogs die every ~10 years. My fur baby is gone, but no worries, I’ll just go and buy a new one.

Dcat is 12 and I've been his since he was eight weeks old. I've never been with a DP for more than three years. DM's late Dcat was 21 when he died, having been born in her house; that relationship was longer than her marriage to DF. But sure, the bond with animals is less important.

One of my DCats made it to 22 (through sheer cussedness - he'd have given Greebo a run for his money in bastardry). Some, very few, cats have made it into their thirties.

Doesn't it say something that the person quoted from the other thread seems to think that indifference to a pet dying is typical, and has something to do with being childfree? It might be with people who should never own pets in the first place, but no pet owners I know are like that.

fitzwilliamdarcy · 24/07/2023 09:30

I say this a lot on MN but I don't want anyone cleaning up my filth. I don't think many people do want to end up like that. I will take myself off this mortal coil before I allow myself to end up like that.

Yes, we need people in order to have a future, I get that. I pay taxes to help support those people into adulthood. That's my contribution. I don't need to fawn over other people's kids, give medals to their parents for selfless contributions to society, or have any myself.

I do think some people think parenthood is akin to sainthood.