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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Mindee that doesn't play on her own?

268 replies

chloejessmeg · 13/01/2009 00:21

I only have 1 mindee and only for 9 hours a week, who is in full time reception. But the hours she is here, she wants me to sit and play with her the whole time, and won't sit and do anything by herself. I am not saying I want her to completly entertain herself while she is here, but I have my DD who is 1year old and soon a newborn so she needs to be able to do something. She likes to do stuff like drawing, playdough, pictures etc but won't do it unless I am sitting with her, doing the activity with her which isn't always possible. If I am dealing with my DD she just keeps asking me to do x with her, or says she needs help with stuff I know she can do on her own, and won't do anything even for 2 mins. I bought her lots of stuff in the sales to try and keep her busy, but nope, still won't do it on her own. I think she will be better if/when I get another mindee of similar age but I am only getting enquiries for babies and I don't have an under 1 space.

Has anybody else had this problem and how do you deal with it?

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Original poster

chloejessmeg · 14/01/2009 21:53

And just to give an example of how much I want to childmind, as a last shot of getting through to those who seem against me...

I actually don't earn anything from doing this. I might even LOOSE money by chilminding. I would get the money in Housing benefit if I didn't CM but the money that I earn comes out of the payments I get for HB. But I love CM and I want to do it.

But obviously all I care about is my DD

OP posts:

popperdoodles · 14/01/2009 22:05

I have to say for me I am far more concerned about the safety of mindees than my own children. Whatever we are doing it's the mindees hand I won't let go of rather than my own ds. That is not to say i put my own dcs in danger but certainly do not put their safety ahead of mindees. As for attention well my role as a cm is to meet the children's needs. To meet all the children in my care's needs. My own dc and mindees need to learn they are not the centre of the universe and that sometimes they need to wait a minute.
In response to op original question........ I do understand where you are coming from. i have a 6 yr old mindee who is similar in that she needs alot of attention. Now I have got to know her alot better i have found out more what she likes to do and have therefore been able to provide more opportunities for her to amuse herself. Sometimes I do have to say "hang on I'll be with you in a moment" and it really does no harm. My youngest that is with me at the same time is 2 so not the same as a baby I know. Have you chatted to her about what she likes to play with at home? Maybe ask mum what her favourite toys are at home to give you some more ideas? Of course you will still play with her but agree it is important for them to learn to play by them selves a bit. Good luck.

naturalbornmum · 14/01/2009 22:11

I prefer nursery because there is more than one person with DC most of the time. I know most childminders are probably lovley and very good but who knows?

Bubble99 · 14/01/2009 22:13

"I have worked in a lot of nurseries and they are all awful. I would never put my DC in one"

Didn't you mean.... "they were all awful?"

Bit of a sweeping statement, otherwise.

Original poster

chloejessmeg · 14/01/2009 22:14

Thank you popper.

Yes I know all the things she likes to do - crafty things, cooking, painting etc. We do these all the time. Most days we do a proper activity like that, depending on what time we have. She did bring some toys from home but she never plays with them.

I do know what you mean about the safety, although it hasn't really aplied to us yet. The only thing that I do do is make sure that in the car, mindee is on the pavement side and DD is on the road side, and mindee goes in the car and gets strapped in first, so I know she is safe. But not really sure if this is a mindee/own child thing or not as it is more due to the fact DD can't run off and while mindee is very sensible and probably wouldn't, I would rather be safe than sorry.

OP posts:

naturalbornmum · 14/01/2009 22:14

This discusion is very interseting and confirms my feeling that nursery is right for my family.

Bubble99 · 14/01/2009 22:16

I can't be bothered with yet another CM v Nursery debate but, OP - there are some bloody awful CMs out there.

Our nursery has had several children whose parents and children have had terrible experiences with CMs

Original poster

chloejessmeg · 14/01/2009 22:16

Sorry, yes I meant were. Just a typo.

But this isn't a debate about if nurseries are better than CMs anyway and I think we have gone off topic again.

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naturalbornmum · 14/01/2009 22:17

chloe - so all the arguments you have put forward about not prioritsing minded children over your own DC are not true then? as from your last statement your clearly do.

LesbianMummy1 · 14/01/2009 22:17

as a cm and parent can I offer chloe some advice first of all I would speak to her parents as they may be encountering similar feelings as a cm for 3 under 2's and my own 2 children age 2 and 7 there are times children need to learn to occupy themselves e.g. toilet training, nappy changes shock horror cooking dinner as you can't starve other children whether mindees or otherwise I have worked with one set of parents on exactly this issue the child I care for is only 16mths old but if I so much as looked at a child other than her she would have hysterics, after speaking to her parents we realised the underlying issue was her not sleeping worked on this together and now she has stopped being rocked to sleep and held all night is begginning to learn that she is not left alone but there are times that unfortunately she is not the centre of the universe.The parents did not say I was a bad cm like people on here seem to be suggesting to you but were very appreciative as they could work with me so everyone was happy and could relay any worries to me it took 3 mths of very hard work particularly on mums behalf but she now at 16mths can play for up to 10 minutes knowing I am nearby but not holding her.
Another idea do you know any other cm's nearby with similar age children as often if you can spend half an hour together it can encourage children to build up self esteem and friendships.

naturalbornmum · 14/01/2009 22:18

I also know some rubbish childminders but I am with bubble I don't want to go down that road.

Original poster

chloejessmeg · 14/01/2009 22:18

What? I don't really get that? What makes you think I "clearly do"?

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naturalbornmum · 14/01/2009 22:19

"The only thing that I do do is make sure that in the car, mindee is on the pavement side and DD is on the road side, and mindee goes in the car and gets strapped in first, so I know she is safe. But not really sure if this is a mindee/own child thing or not as it is more due to the fact DD can't run off and while mindee is very sensible and probably wouldn't, I would rather be safe than sorry."

Sorry Chloe I should have quoted in my last post.

blueshoes · 14/01/2009 22:19

Whippet is not 'lucky'. There are very good nurseries out there with happy children, sound procedures and motivated staff. On mn, it seems many people who work in 'awful' nurseries become CMs.

Thebody: "As for the fire and dog example!!! what the hell!! you would save the kid in the most immediate danger wouldnt you, be it your own child, a mindee or a complete stranger..." I appreciate your civic mindedness. But as a parent, I would not push my luck and be so naive that in that situation, the CM would not put her children first. Same goes for a nanny who brings her own children. I am a mother first and an employee/self-employed person second. If my children were in the grave danger, I would be there, yes siree, would not see anything else.

At least with a nursery, each child is on equal footing.

naturalbornmum · 14/01/2009 22:21

blueshoes

I suspect that is more to do with the salary paid at a nursery. As a childminder there are no childcare fees involved.

Original poster

chloejessmeg · 14/01/2009 22:22

Thank you LM1 - thats really useful. Didn't really think about getting together with other childminders after school. I thought about it if I had a full time mindee ie going to soft play etc together. I recently met the CM round the corner from me, that we could quite easily walk to.

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Original poster

chloejessmeg · 14/01/2009 22:25

Naturalbornmum - if you read my whole post though I then say that it is because my DD doesn't walk and therefore can't run into the road? Can you not see that part? So mindee is safe in car while I walk into road with my DD in my arms, so also perfectly safe. I also said it hasn't been an issue with us with prioritising over safety yet.

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popperdoodles · 14/01/2009 22:26

Yes there are rubbish cm but there are rubbish nurseries too. Let's not get into that debate. You need to judge each setting individually. Nurserys and cm follow exactly the same guidance and legislation these days it is just delivered in a different setting/different way.

I think finding another local cm with similar age child would be a fab idea. Go to the park after school maybe?

Original poster

chloejessmeg · 14/01/2009 22:27

"On mn, it seems many people who work in 'awful' nurseries become CMs."

Probably because they feel strongly about the care of children and want to create a really good environment compared to the nursery?? I know that was a major factor for me, although as I have said, I have wanted to CM since I was in primary school.

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BoysAreLikeDogs · 14/01/2009 22:28

Oh dear

People get all heated and upset and then some numpty says 'right due to what I have I read on here I am/am not putting my child into Nursery/CM' (delete as necessary) and we all go 'fgs this is not the way to find childcare for YOUR child, by talking to random strangers on the t'internet - get out there, speak to the staff at Nursery/CM, get a feel for the way they operate, look at the whole set up'

blueshoes · 14/01/2009 22:29

Natural, that would be true. Whilst I can understand a nursery worker not being able to afford childcare, on mn, todate, I have only had one CM speak well of the nursery for which she used to work. It is almost par for the course for CMs to slag off nurseries - makes you wonder why they did not make a difference to the quality of care whilst they were working there.

Original poster

chloejessmeg · 14/01/2009 22:30

She says our park is boring! I would love to go to the park and get out of the house etc but she isn't interested in it and won't play, even when I did have a mindee of the same age as her to play with. There are other parks that she will play in, but no parking near by and wouldn't be able to walk in the short time she is here.

OP posts:

naturalbornmum · 14/01/2009 22:31

I did read you whole message chloe.

Bubble99 · 14/01/2009 22:32

I just hate the 'all nurseries are bad' line that gets trotted out.

Some nurseries are bad is OK, though.

But my DCs' nursery is excellent.

Original poster

chloejessmeg · 14/01/2009 22:32

So how do you not understand it?

OP posts:

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