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Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

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Original poster

Mindee that doesn't play on her own?

268 replies

chloejessmeg · 13/01/2009 00:21

I only have 1 mindee and only for 9 hours a week, who is in full time reception. But the hours she is here, she wants me to sit and play with her the whole time, and won't sit and do anything by herself. I am not saying I want her to completly entertain herself while she is here, but I have my DD who is 1year old and soon a newborn so she needs to be able to do something. She likes to do stuff like drawing, playdough, pictures etc but won't do it unless I am sitting with her, doing the activity with her which isn't always possible. If I am dealing with my DD she just keeps asking me to do x with her, or says she needs help with stuff I know she can do on her own, and won't do anything even for 2 mins. I bought her lots of stuff in the sales to try and keep her busy, but nope, still won't do it on her own. I think she will be better if/when I get another mindee of similar age but I am only getting enquiries for babies and I don't have an under 1 space.

Has anybody else had this problem and how do you deal with it?

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

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PuzzleRocks · 13/01/2009 09:07

Bumping for you.

Original poster

chloejessmeg · 13/01/2009 14:02

bump

OP posts:

thebody · 13/01/2009 14:57

poor you, is she an only child?
afer a full day in reception all my dd wanted to do was snuggle down and watch tele with a blanket, activities were a definate no no as she was so tired... could you all do that just for half an hour so you would be resting too..

Original poster

chloejessmeg · 13/01/2009 15:08

No, she has a sister who is a bit older than my DD, about 18 months I guess. They both went to full time private day nursery until she went full time at school and came to me. The younger one still goes to nursery.

We do try just to put the TV on for a bit, but she won't just sit and watch it. She either wants me to sit with her and talk to her about every detail of the tv program or she is saying she is bored, wants to do this that and the other. Even when eating (which she does a lot) I still struggle to get her to sit and eat it and she talks the whole time, even with tv and food. I like the fact she is talkative, but need to be able to do stuff as well.

Don't get me wrong, I know CM isn't meant to be easy, but having one child for such short hours shouldn't be hard work, surely?!

OP posts:

FairyMum · 13/01/2009 15:21

I think you are the wrong CM for her. You have your hands full with your own baby (soon 2 babies). It is natural for a reception-aged child to want to chat and have one-to-one attention when she comes home from school. I think she would be better off with a CM with children her own age.

thebody · 13/01/2009 15:25

You know what I think Fairymum has it right, you sound a bit tired to me and thats understandable...

expatinscotland · 13/01/2009 15:28

my reception age DD and most of her friends are like this.

i find it a very annoying age, tbh.

but that being the case, i'm also not a CM to other children her age.

i think you might be the wrong CM for her and she'd be better off at one who has other children her own age.

morningpaper · 13/01/2009 15:31

Agree with expat - this is an annoying age and they are also KNACKERED after school - how long do you have her after school?

Could she help you with chores? Making dinner/washing up/bathing the younger one?

mistressmabel · 13/01/2009 16:13

Chloe

I used to be a childminder myself. I think that it must be really hard work with a baby and being pregnant. But I think you need to remember that CM is a job and your focus should be on your mindee. 9 hours a week is not a lot and you should not NEED to do many other jobs during work! I could understand where you were coming from if you worked full time and were a lot more pressed for time. Prehaps you should consider taking a break until after your baby comes if possible.

I do feel for you but if I was a parent I would'nt be happy with what you are saying.

Original poster

chloejessmeg · 13/01/2009 18:57

OK I didn't expect that response at all.

When I say do other things, I am not talking about getting my housework done, I am talking about looking after my DD which I should be able to do - isn't that the whole point in childminding? I don't do any cooking/cleaning etc till she is gone, I have her for less than 2 hours after school and always make sure I do a proper activity with her. Today we have done paintin, yesterday we did playdough and drawing.

I don't really understand me meant to be giving her up to a CM with other children her age - how am I meant to build up a group of children if I can't start off with one? I am more than happy to have another child her age, it is just that all my enquires have been for babies.

I maybe didn't word my posts very well as I honestly think I have been misunderstood here . I take my job very seriously and have always tried to do my best.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 13/01/2009 19:03

'I am talking about looking after my DD which I should be able to do - isn't '

I'd have thought the point in of childminding is looking after someone else's child for a fee.

If you are finding this difficult now, how are you going to manage when you have a newborn as well?

Tbh, I wouldn't put my children with a minder who had such young children herself, because I know what it's like to look after them and my three don't have nearly as small an age-gap as yours.

Original poster

chloejessmeg · 13/01/2009 19:05

And I am not tired, and it isn't because I am pregnant. I don't really see where pregnancy comes into it tbh. Obviously when the baby comes that is different but the actual pregnancy doesn't change anything. I know I am a good childminder, and I only posted on here incase anybody had some good tips or could just tell me I am not the only one. She does get lots of attention and one on one time, but at the same time, I can't ignore my DD, who wants to join in and needs attention too.

OP posts:

Original poster

chloejessmeg · 13/01/2009 19:08

I am not finding it difficult, just wondering if it was normal that a child won't so much as watch tv for 10 mins on her own if I need to change a nappy or whatever. I have Nannied for this age before (including with babies at the same time) and never had this problem.

Yes the point of childminding is to look after somebody else's child, of course it is and I do this but most CM also have their own children and one of the main perks of childminding is that you can look after your own children at the same time

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mistressmabel · 13/01/2009 19:10

Sorry to quote again.

"I am talking about looking after my DD which I should be able to do - isn't that the whole point in childminding?"

No Chloe for me it is not, it is a major benefit to be able to be with your own child and not pay someone else to do that but your priority should be your mindees - obviously you do need to care for your baby too but from what you have said I get the impression you are not looking at childminding as a job which it very much is. I do understand how hard it is but you only have one mindee for nine hours a week - would you really be able to cope with more mindees for 50+ hours a week?

mistressmabel · 13/01/2009 19:12

And honestly my own DC were defintley 2nd fiddle to mindees beacuse that was my job - I was paid to care for other people's DC. You can still include your DD and mind you know. Why don't you put the changing mat on the sofa and chat to mindee while changing nappies?

expatinscotland · 13/01/2009 19:14

yes, it's very normal for a child that age not to be able to amuse herself for 10 minutes.

mine follows me round like a shadow and sometimes, it's very aggrevating.

but she's got quite a few friends who do the same thing, making having an adult conversation amongst us mothers nigh on impossible.

we have a little boy here as a guest now with his family and he's the same age. and he's the same way, too.

Original poster

chloejessmeg · 13/01/2009 19:15

I really regret even posting as I have been taken the wrong way completely.

Mistressmabel - yes that is pretty much what I meant, I just didn't word it very well as I was rushing. My priority is all the children in my care, if they are mine or somebody elses. They should be treated equally IMO and I am very surprised that some people think mindees come before their own children. It should be equal IMO it is only fair.

Yes I am looking at CM as a job. I have wanted to be a childminder since I was about 7 years old (yes I know it is a bit sad, but still). And I have studied childcare since leaving school and have plenty of knowledge and exprience. I am not just doing it for the sake of it, I promise.

OP posts:

Original poster

chloejessmeg · 13/01/2009 19:17

expat - thank you, that is all I needed to know really and to be honest, this thread has brought me to tears to think people are assuming I am not a good CM . I put so much effort into CM and have completly turned my house/life around to make this work just to find out my mindee would be better off else where.

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 13/01/2009 19:18

I'm glad I read this thread. Because I'd like to put DS in childcare next year when he's a bit older, but I'll cross anyone with young children off my list as potential childminders, tbh.

Original poster

chloejessmeg · 13/01/2009 19:23

WHY? Because I need to change the odd nappy or go and get her milk? I really don't understand what I am doing that is so wrong here?????

OP posts:

expatinscotland · 13/01/2009 19:25

Because I think it's impossible for someone to look after a 1-year-old and a newborn that are their own and my own child as well.

Changing a nappy doesn't take 10 minutes.

Original poster

chloejessmeg · 13/01/2009 19:25

And even if a CM doesn't have a young child of her own, she will more than likly to look after one.

OP posts:

Summerfruit · 13/01/2009 19:27

I think you are all unfair to chloe, I'm in the same situartion as her. I have a 4 years old boy who is quite hard to entertain as if he could , he'll have all the attention..but I have 2 other children...they all need the attention..all at the same level..the mindee doesnt the priority on my children, and my children dont have more attention than the mindee...its just a question of balance...and the op finds it difficult as the mindee as MOST of her attention...she was just asking for advice you know !

OlderNotWiser · 13/01/2009 19:27

I think folks have been a tad unfair here. If OP had said she was torn between the demanding mindee and another mindee who was much younger (ie not her own child!) Im sure she would have got lots of friendly advice.

And whoever said that her own child should not be her priority, her mindee should be is clearly barking. Name me any other jobs where that applies, please.

Original poster

chloejessmeg · 13/01/2009 19:28

When did I say changing a nappy takes 10 mins?

All I was saying is that a lot of people (including somebody in this thread) have said that they sometimes put the telly on or whatever to calm them down after school.

And so if a mum had their own 5 year old, and a 1 year old and a newborn, of their own, woudl they not provide good enough care for the 5 year old? After all, CM is meant to be more home like.

OP posts:

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