Mindee that doesn't play on her own?

[chloejessmeg]

I only have 1 mindee and only for 9 hours a week, who is in full time reception. But the hours she is here, she wants me to sit and play with her the whole time, and won't sit and do anything by herself. I am not saying I want her to completly entertain herself while she is here, but I have my DD who is 1year old and soon a newborn so she needs to be able to do something. She likes to do stuff like drawing, playdough, pictures etc but won't do it unless I am sitting with her, doing the activity with her which isn't always possible. If I am dealing with my DD she just keeps asking me to do x with her, or says she needs help with stuff I know she can do on her own, and won't do anything even for 2 mins. I bought her lots of stuff in the sales to try and keep her busy, but nope, still won't do it on her own. I think she will be better if/when I get another mindee of similar age but I am only getting enquiries for babies and I don't have an under 1 space.

Has anybody else had this problem and how do you deal with it?

yes, she will be looking after more than one.

but as a parent of a baby, a toddler and a reception-aged child myself, i realise how demanding baby/young toddlers are in terms of a lot of things.

and yes, i'd have concerns that a minder with a tiny baby and older baby would be apt to put their own children and their own childrens' needs before my own.

will be looking at a private daycare/nursery or minder with school-aged children myself.

just my opinion, but there it is.

Thank you summerfruit and oldernotwiser.

the difference between a minder and a mother, however, is that someone is paying the minder to look after their child.

it's not the same as a mother with three kids that age, IMO.

Chloe

I am sorry that you are upset. I do not assume that you are not a good childminder and do not doubt that you have put a lot of effort into setting up and minding. But from what you have said I have different views from you as an ex-CM and a parent.

"I am talking about looking after my DD which I should be able to do - isn't that the whole point in childminding?"

This quote sums it up for me. I would be very sad and cross if it was my child you were minding. When push comes to shove mindess should take priority (you are paid to mind them not put the TV on because it is more convient for you) As I said before you can mind and include your own DC.

I am signing off as I don't want to get into a heated debate and someone might come along with a compleley different view.

a wise idea, mabel. i'm right behind ya!

I actually have another adult to help me when the new baby is here, but didn't realise this was going to be a debate on if I was a good enough childminder and if I can cope with the children.

I disagree with most on here chloe, when kids go to school they do not have one on one teacher time every minute of the day, they are expected to get on without being the only one the teacher looks after. None of mine have needed every second of every day attention at least not for a long period. If its the first few weeks of minding her I can understand it but I guess thats not the case? I would speak to school and raise it as a concern, see if she is ok there and check she is happy with you. You are not doing anything wrong to spend time with other kids, Some cms can have 6 under 8s and over 8s aswell, no way would you be able to spend all the time with her if she had that.

If people are concerned their child wont get enough attention at a cm (i dont mean chloe) you need to look for a nanny, a cm does not provide one to one care.

Agree, people have been overly harsh I think. I'm assuming that the OP will take some time off for maternity leave anyway.

Looking after children of this age is hard work, especially if they can't be distracted with the television! It must be very tiring.

Can you engage her with the smaller ones for entertainment purposes? 1 is quite a charming age, she should be just learning to walk, maybe trying to speak a word or two? Could the mindee help 'look after' her, or feed her dinner or have a picnic or 'make' her dinner? Or bath her and get her ready for bed? Perhaps she could 'change' a doll while you change your baby? My 2 girls love that sort of thing with younger baby friends, and the baby friends love having the attention.

Well put gigglinggoblin.

I am going now but am gobsmacked that there are CM's who are putting there own children before there mindees - truley shocking. My advice it this situation - get a job out of the home and put you DC in childcare.

I am going now but am gobsmacked that there are CM's who are putting there own children before there mindees - truley shocking. My advice it this situation - get a job out of the home and put you DC in childcare.

"And whoever said that her own child should not be her priority, her mindee should be is clearly barking. Name me any other jobs where that applies, please."

I've only read a few of the posts here but that comment really surprised me. When I am doing my job, my job takes priority, unless an urgent situation arises with my children.

"I am talking about looking after my DD which I should be able to do - isn't that the whole point in childminding?"
I'm going to quote Chloe as you...She seems to does her best to provide activities..She wants to be able to look after the mindee an her dd but the mindee seems to take all her time...I know she takes fees to look after the mindees but the parent when they signed the contract, they surely knew that their child was going to share the care between her and the childminder's child...that's part of the job for some of us !

? WTF? Where has she said she is putting her own children before a mindee? Changing a nappy is hardly putting them first, is it? She's not making the mindee eat their leftover exactly, is she?

All the kids in my care will get the same care whether I am being paid for them or not. They all deserve equal care. Do not expect that paying someone means they will ignore their own kids, or that they will ignore their other mindees if you offer to pay more than the other mindees parents (its no different). If you have a group of kids to look after you do the best you can and you have to spend time with all of them. I am surprised people are shocked that cms will also look after their own kids as well as theirs, did you really think that a few quid an hour would mean they were no longer important?

I am not putting my own children before my mindees - where have I said this? But what do you want me to do? Leave her in a dirty nappy or without milk because you want me to spend every second with one child???? FFS! Nor do I put my DD first, I share myself equally and balance my time.

Do people really think that CM should not be able to look after their own children????

And yes, people have suggested that I am not a good enough childminder for this mindee.

I said that pointy dog! Are you really suggesting she somehow switch off from her own child, who is in the same room as her? How exactly does that make for good childminding, a situation where mindees are proiritised over cms own children. Ridiculous idea.

As someone else said, childminding isn't about exclusive care, if thats what the mindees parents had wanted they wouldnt have put their child with her I would assume. My DC goes to a CM who has her own child and that was part of my reason for picking her.

with you chloe, you were just asking advice in the chilminders topic, and the you get judge judge judge...

Gah, full of typos, time to go...

I think what you need to do Chloe, is put your 1 year old in some sort of soundproof cage, and just leave her under the stairs under your mindee has gone home

See how useful Mumsnet is?!

Lol morningpaper.

God I just wanted a bit of advice!

TBH. IMO a childminder who prioritises the mindees over her own children needs to change something. I would never choose a childminder who did that, I think that is awful. Her poor children knowing that the mindees come first??

Jesus leave the poor woman alone, she asked a perfectly resonable question. Do you all sit down with your kids at home every second?

What would you all be saying if she said that she had 2 kids to mind and the 4 year old wouldn't let her deal with the other kid. Or that she was a mother of two and her 4 year old got upset everytime she had to change a nappy.

My kids both to childminders and dont expect them to give my kids 100% attention, partly as that would me I would have to then do that at home.

Kids at that age should be able to play by themselves it is really important for them in so many ways. Enjoying your own company makes you much happier in adult imo.

So if I were you I would discuss it with her mum. Ask her what she does. I would then discuss it with your mindee, and come up with some ground rules. I agree with getting her to help with the little one, my 3 year old loves playing hunt the wetwipes...

good luck, I child swao with my friend and would go spare if her DS expected me to play with her all the time.

sorry for all the typos I got riled on your behalf there!

Thank you Noonki, you seem to know where I am coming from.