Mindee that doesn't play on her own?

[chloejessmeg]

I only have 1 mindee and only for 9 hours a week, who is in full time reception. But the hours she is here, she wants me to sit and play with her the whole time, and won't sit and do anything by herself. I am not saying I want her to completly entertain herself while she is here, but I have my DD who is 1year old and soon a newborn so she needs to be able to do something. She likes to do stuff like drawing, playdough, pictures etc but won't do it unless I am sitting with her, doing the activity with her which isn't always possible. If I am dealing with my DD she just keeps asking me to do x with her, or says she needs help with stuff I know she can do on her own, and won't do anything even for 2 mins. I bought her lots of stuff in the sales to try and keep her busy, but nope, still won't do it on her own. I think she will be better if/when I get another mindee of similar age but I am only getting enquiries for babies and I don't have an under 1 space.

Has anybody else had this problem and how do you deal with it?

This job is hard enough without those who don't know you judging you and making assumptions tbh don't let it upset you, you know you are doing your best and you care.

I think a reception aged child should be able to entertain herself for a few minutes tbh, I've got a mindee the same age and she will happily colour in or playdough for at least 10 mins without me needing to be with her doing it too, granted I do have various ages at the moment which does help she gets on brilliantly with my dd2 who is 3 and also will play with her baby brother or my 20mth old mindee and sometimes my 9yr old dd too, they all play together and especially enjoy singing and dancing together if I'm busy changing or feeding baby mindee then I sing rhymes where they have to do the actions.

Maybe you could try giving guidance like if you colour xxxxxx in I'll come and help you do xxxxxx when I've changed xxx nappy or something?

I know I do.

My childminders (they are at separate ones because of lack of spaces) are both amazing. Over 50 years experience between them. Totally commited. Of course they dont sit down all the time with the kids.

They make lunch, change nappies, tidy up have a cup of tea .

Also your mindee wouldn't get that amount of attention at school. So maybe she is just used to you doing it and needs to learn that it isnt possible all the time.

I am glad this thread seem to have turned (for now). I didn't want an arguement and just wanted a bit of advice, which I am now getting, it is just a shame we had to go through all this debate first!

I have started a thread in chat about the priority thing. I am sorry if that annoys people more but I am honestly so shocked that people put mindees before their own children . So far, nobody on that thread has said they would do that, thank god.

Bless you Chloe I actually got upset on your behalf reading that.

If you were looking after two mindees and one wanted all your attention you wouldn't have got the same reaction and I don't know why.
When you are looking after them both at the same time just treat them both like mindees.

I actually think it may do the mindee you do have some good to realise that they cannot have your attention every single second. Of course you're not going to ignore her for long periods but if she can learrn that sometimes she has to wait for someone elses needs to be met for a few minutes it could only do her good.

Maybe 'M I need to change babys nappy. Do you think you could help me. Either you could pass me the wipes or if you want to look at this book for a minute while I do it.' (said nicely of course)

x post will read yours now

Thanks bronze.

chloejessmeg

You're probably doing too much with the mindee in my opinion which is a good thing and something it sounds like parents on here want and expect. I feel shocked that so many people have had a go at you just for also wanting to see to your own child's needs.

It's about getting the balance right which you sound like you're doing.

By the way I'm also a childminder and I still have to give my kids attention and they are aged 10, 12 and 16!

I think we're at cross purposes, older. I haven't read many of the posts and there seems to be a lot of anger about (I'm very intuitive that way ).

I didn't mean switch off from her child, no. I just meant that the cm's child shouldn't be priority during working time, all the children should be of equal priority. But I don't think that's what the argument's about here.

So what actually is the arguement? What have I actually done wrong? Yes I worded a few things wrong, but everytime something has been questioned, IMO I have given a reasonable explaination for it.

lol - I don;'t know what the argument is! I haven't read all the posts and I didn't want to spend ages reading them so I was edging off the thread.

The OP got lots of unfair comments at the start of this thread. Very unhelpfull.

I do not agree that midees take priority over own children, they should all be equally treated. If a pernet wants one to one care then they should hire a nanny.

I also don't agree with
"it's very normal for a child that age not to be able to amuse herself for 10 minutes."
I think a reception age child should be able to do this.

Chin up OP

chloe, my reception-age dd definitely prefers to do her drawing, colouring, constructions etc with someone, rather than on her own. She has only got into TV in the last few months. Previously, she would not watch. It is a function of her sociable personality. She prefers people to things.

I think your set up is the wrong one for her. She will be better with a CM with children of her age to play with. She will be better in a nursery. She will be better looked after by an aupair or nanny, who can give her the attention.

Otherwise, it is not fair to her or to your dc(s).

If she had a Nanny, she would still have her sister there who is similar age to my DD and would therefore not make the slightest bit of difference .

You poor thing Chloe! The mothers on here having a go at your CM skills are being daft. If they want their precious children to have one on one constantly all day then they need a nanny. A CM by definition has several children, and the CM's attention needs to be divided between ALL the children. (And I'm not a CM, but a mother and even I can see that!!!)

All I can say is persevere - sit the child down and say "you will need to do a few minuts of X on your own, sweetheart" and then go and do what you need to. Eventually (hopefully!) they will get the hang of actually entertaining themselves for short periods of time.

I feel very sorry for children who don't learn to amuse themselves. As they grow up they will lack imagination and the ability to be alone without being lonely.

The fee a parent pays to a childminder ph surely speaks volumes!!!
This type of childcare is not one to one.
All children should be given equal consideration.
I don't believe the op meant she was exclusively looking after her own child but giving an example of expecting the mindee to wait a minute whilst another child got some attention!
What would be more helpful op is for you to examine the mindees behavior and try and find solutions......this is really satisfying actually such as involving the child in the nappy changing etc
or telling your own child how the mindee is so helpful to sit quietly for a few minutes etc etc.
Yes, your mindees behavior is completely normal and it would be a good idea if your expectations were more realistic.
I wish you well.

mad marg: "I feel very sorry for children who don't learn to amuse themselves. As they grow up they will lack imagination and the ability to be alone without being lonely."

I don't think you need to teach anything. My dd has got much much better over the years without me doing anything at all. Depends on the child how good and how soon they can amuse themselves. Inconvenient for a CM though.

Can I just point out that I have the same amount of children here then she does at home, of the same ages etc so when people say she will be better off else where - why? To be honest, the parents probably couldn't get a setting much closer to their own if they tried.

The child could go to a nursery, which tends to group by age. Or a CM with older children.

Also, I used a ft nursery for the baby (prefered nursery over nannies for babies/toddlers) and an aupair for afterschool care of the older child. That way, my dd still got one-to-one attention.

Alternatively, the child could go to an afterschool club, if one is available.

Blueshoes - children don't just learn things because someone has 'taught' them to do it. They can also learn from actually trying it. If a child never has to sit and play on their own, how will they learn how to?

You DD has been given the opportunity to learn not because of what you have done, but rather what you have not done, and that is not spend every waking moment focusing your attention on her. For most parents this comes naturally, if for no other reason than because they have no choice but to do other things at some point while their child is awake.

madmarg, I get what you are saying. I have a ds at home as well. However, do you know of any teenagers who are still shadowing their parents around? It is a combination of opportunities as well as maturity.

Once my dd has the ability to read, to do more things for herself, she will naturally realise she can fall on her own resources to help herself, amuse herself. It will come, I am sure of it. As I said, she is much better already.

Blueshoes - sadly, yes I do. Not so much that the teenagers are shadowing their parents, but that the children are the sole focus of their parents lives and quite frankly the parents (usually the mother as the father in this case works) have no life other than taking their children from one activity to another.

Hi Chloe,

You are clearly a great cm or you wouldnt be posting the problem to get help would you.

I think ALL children in the setting, minded or own, have equal priority at all time.

I mentioned television because it did indeed help my own dd to relax after school but what works for one doesnt for another..

I feel for you,good luck x

Thank you those of you who are being helpful and posting advice.

I think it is quite drastic people saying she should go else where TBH. It is a few hours a week and I have a home from home setting, almost exactly the same as her own one. She loves it here and I love having her. What I thought would be a casual conversation about how to balance your time when you have a child who wants lots of attention, has been taken way out of proportion and has gone very off topic. I really don't see ANY reason why moving her now, would be a good thing for her.

MadMarg, I see you are referring to overly scheduled children. I don't have experience of any but read about them.

Chloe, the decision whether or not to move is one for the parents to make. Perhaps not fair to suggest to you because obviously you cannot control this beyond refusing the child as a mindee or mentioning to the parent who might take it you don't want the business. It is a fact of life that the parents' job is to match the child to the best childcare setting. You cannot be all things to all children.

As for tips to manage the current situation, all I can say is you can lead a horse to water (so keep trying to distract her) but you cannot make it drink. Or as others say, get a mindee of the same age but you have already answered that. Which begs the question ...