Mindee that doesn't play on her own?

[chloejessmeg]

I only have 1 mindee and only for 9 hours a week, who is in full time reception. But the hours she is here, she wants me to sit and play with her the whole time, and won't sit and do anything by herself. I am not saying I want her to completly entertain herself while she is here, but I have my DD who is 1year old and soon a newborn so she needs to be able to do something. She likes to do stuff like drawing, playdough, pictures etc but won't do it unless I am sitting with her, doing the activity with her which isn't always possible. If I am dealing with my DD she just keeps asking me to do x with her, or says she needs help with stuff I know she can do on her own, and won't do anything even for 2 mins. I bought her lots of stuff in the sales to try and keep her busy, but nope, still won't do it on her own. I think she will be better if/when I get another mindee of similar age but I am only getting enquiries for babies and I don't have an under 1 space.

Has anybody else had this problem and how do you deal with it?

Don't be a childminder if you're going to care for more than one child? I don't understand.

Most childminders will have a few babies and toddlers, plus after school children - so not all children can have undivided attention all the time.

but if you cannot cope with children needing attention one to one (believe me this happens when you have three or more of your own children!) then maybe you are in the wrong job?

The OP is only talking about 9 hours a week with the mindee.

Spread that out over a week and it doesn't amount to a lot of time or attention?

And I don't think 'buying her a lot of stuff in the sales to try and keep her busy' constitutes sensitive care for a child who has been in reception since September and probably wants a bit of TLC after a day in a class of 30?

Isn't this thread about finding ways to cope?

So what do you do if you have three children and one needs one to one attention all the time - ignore the other children?

'So what do you do if you have three children and one needs one to one attention all the time - ignore the other children?'

But we're talking about a childminder, not a parent.

OK, what do you do as a childminder, and one mindee needs one to one attention all of the time - ignore the other children?

yes you ignore the baby and give attention to the older child tbh

"'buying her a lot of stuff in the sales to try and keep her busy' constitutes sensitive care for a child who has been in reception since September and probably wants a bit of TLC after a day in a class of 30? "

totally agree

I don't do that for my OWN children

what are you doing with a one year old that means you cant spend more time with her? one year olds are pretty easy IIRC.

i don't know. i'm not a childminder because i wouldn't feel comfortable getting paid to look after other peoples' kids and then not doing that because i was looking after my own, tbh.

Working it out. Nine hours over five days = I can't do maths.

What is it? Just under two hours a day?

I would be mightily pissed of as a parent if my CM was expecting to do anything but give my child full attention for a lousy two hours a day.

Changing a one year old's nappy takes what? Two minutes?

Well, I think all childcare is about balancing the needs of various children, unless you have one nanny per child.

I've worked in nurseries, and sometimes you have to put a clingy child down, even if it cries, if all members of staff are busy with something else - 3 or 4 children per staff member means not all children get all the attention I want.

As a nanny, I would have no problem with telling a demanding 4 year old that they need to play on their own for a while while I change a nappy or put laundry on. In fact I used to often send my 2yo and 5yo charges into the next room to play (or even watch TV), while I cooked tea.

But the OP has the mindee for 9 hours a week.

but presumably you wouldn't be so stumped by her behaviour that you would ask for advice?

I think it's great that someone in childcare wants to improve their knowledge and get advice and new ideas. I often post questions and ask for ideas on a nanny board.

and some of the advice given is that this child might be better suited by an alternative form of childcare.

lots of 5 year olds can't play on their own - and nursery staff that I know happend to know that

I think it is sad that a paid childcare professional finds it bizarre

A lot of people have given no advice, just venom.

If the OP has never looked after a 5 year old before, how is she supposed to know what typical 5 year old behaviour is? Nursery staff deal with loads of children every day. I would expect a 5 year old to be able to amuse themselves for long enough for me to do other jobs like change a nappy or prepare a meal.

'If the OP has never looked after a 5 year old before, how is she supposed to know what typical 5 year old behaviour is?'

She has. At least, by her own admission she has and had been a nanny for a decade or so before becoming a CM.

Well, we'll just have to disagree. I don't think it's unreasonable to expect a child of that age to amuse themselves. I don't think it's unreasonable to ask advice on a childcare board. I do think a lot of the nastiness on this thread is a bit shocking though.

Some people seem to like to play at being outraged.

Children differ. I constantly have this conversation with my poor sister who has one child in particular who just will never leave her alone and he's abit older than this one. I keep saying he';l grow out of it and she keeps asking at what age mine would actualyl play alone or with each other. Some children are very very needy of the adult interactnio and others aren't but a little 5 year old who will be exhausted from starting school probably would want between 3 and 5 to sit on the knee of the CM or help change the baby's nappy and would want to chatter away about her day rather than be on her own.

It's hard to tell from the thread who needy the child is or how just normal in termso f wanting to chat etc.

I think some parents on here are acting like the child is being ignored or not looked after properly.

If a CM has said she does a full activity every day with the mindee, with under 2 hours a day I would say that is plenty with the child also getting changed/having something to eat or whatever. If the CM needs to get up from doing the activity for 2 mins - that is not ignoring the child or not taking care of her needs. That is day to day stuff and common sense.

The 5 year old is getting most of the attention, but the 1 year old is still going to need some sort of attention. Yes not the whole time but the 1 year old should never be ignored just because the mindee is only there for 9 hours a week. It just wouldn't be right.

"I think it is sad that a paid childcare professional finds it bizarre" I don't think anybody has said it is bizarre. At least, I read an OP just asking what other childminders do when the child won't do anything.

It is sad that when a CM tries to improve her care by asking some simple advice - she gets attacked for what seems like nothing to me. Other than a few parents who don't like CMers in general and then a few followers who like to jump in for the hell of it.

"I would be mightily pissed of as a parent if my CM was expecting to do anything but give my child full attention for a lousy two hours a day." So you shouldn't choose a CM!!! FFS! CM DO NOT GIVE 1 TO 1 ATTENTION!!! Most CM have lots of children after school, as well as toddlers and probably their own children. It is completely mad to expect your child to get 1 to 1 attention at a CM!!! I think some people need to work out what CM actually are!

"i don't know. i'm not a childminder because i wouldn't feel comfortable getting paid to look after other peoples' kids and then not doing that because i was looking after my own, tbh." SO...how is this child not being looked after? Because the CM has another child to deal with as well?? Get real!!!!

Was ignoring the negatives but think I need to clear something up:

• I look after this child for Max 2 hours a day
• The first 20 mins or so is taken up by the school run, so chatting all the way home etc
• We arrive home, mindee gets changed and has something to eat
• By this time, there is usually only say half hour left, but varies greatly.
• We then do an activity such as cookings something, painting, playdough or whatever.
• She then goes home
• In between these things, I do also have a 1 year old to look after. The fact that she is my own DD has nothing to do with it, she still needs looking after. I involve her in the activities when possible, but she might sometimes need me to get her some toys out or change her nappy if she pooes etc. I should be able to do this, as she needs care too and is not going to be ignored.

How the hell do some of you think this is bad childcare? I KNOW that on the days she doesn't come to me, she watches TV as soon as she gets home and other than dinner etc that is all she does till she goes to bed. She looks forward to coming here and often doesn't want to go home.

And I have never said I have been a Nanny for a decade or so before becoming a CM - no idea where that came from.

Yes I have looked after/worked with 5 year olds before, but I have never had this problem. In fact, I have a brother in law the exact same age who will happily carry on with something. And guess what!?! His mum has a 3 year old and a 6 month old to look after!! Oh no, she must not be looking after him properly!! Surely nobody can look after a baby at the same time as an older child!!!!

Sorry but some people on here need to get realistic. CMs are more than capable of looking after more than one child, otherwise we wouldn't be CM. Just asked a simple question because I am new to this and want to provide the best possible care.

And for somebody commenting on me buying stuff for her - it is not to fob her off. I want her to be happy and therefore got lots of new activities that we can do together. Including a huge activity set, etc that we can do. Not because I can't be bothered to do stuff with her, because I want to and I am doing my best here. The new equipment is an investment into childminding because if I don't buy stuff for her age, we would end up with just stuff suitable for my DD which isn't going to work for older children.

But no matter what I say, I am in the wrong apparently.

At the end of the day, if I didn't care about this child - why the hell would I be doing this? I am not earning a penny out of this and get to spend my evenings doing paperwork and thinking of great ways to make my childminding the best it can, which yes, includes buying new stuff, thinking of activities and looking online for advice, which I am obviously going to go else where for from now on as if people on here can't even get their head around the fact that childminders care for their own children, and can't always give one on one attention, and might EVEN need to go to the loo then frankly, this is not a good place to ask for advice. My mistake.

Hi Chloe, Ive just looked at this thread (well some of it) and am appalled by some peoples replies. It seems to be happening time and time again on here, picking fights and nitpicking. (They really do need to get a life). I feel so sorry for you.

Anyway, back to the matter in hand.

I too looked after a child of that age as well as his brother and my DC both 3. The five yo wouldnt sit still for 2 mins and easily got bored. I always laid out activities and he had free range of all the toys but the only thing that he would sit still with, alongside other children, was mobilo. He loved copying the designs in the booklet and became very good at it.

Perhaps you will find something that your mindee gets engrossed in. How about items that link together to make a big chain. Ive got a jewelery activity and you can link all the shapes together and make necklaces etc. It is quite fun or perhaps one of those knitting thingys, (is it called a dolly or something) where a big long snake comes out the middle. (sorry gone brain dead).

Anyway from one good childminder to another, just ignore all the prats out there, there are still some of us on here willing to help and not rip you to shreds.

Thank you coolj - that has really helped. I haven't taken any of it to heart anymore as frankly, some of the replies are just rediculous so I can't take them seriously TBH.

I think my mum has some of those knitting things (are they dolly pegs? Or something like that?). She was a childminder years ago and lends me stuff all the time so we have a constant supply of new things that we won't hopefully get bored of. MIL is a childminder too and if it worked with time, I would be happy to spend time round there, so mindee can make friends. But it isn't practical to drive over there and back etc in those 2 hours and it wouldn't be fair to drag her around that much.

Chloe I am appalled by the unrealistic expectations of people on this thread. As a CM it means giving EQUAL care to all children and that includes your own dcs. I often end up spending more time with the mindee than my dds when he gets home from school. I recon cile this as

1. I am being paid
2. my dds get my undivided attention for the time my mindee is at school.
3. I make sure all their basic needs are met. You could perhaps give her responsibility and ask her to pass nappies, wipes and bags for you to help? Get her to read to you while you wash up? or something similar.

Really sad for all the stupid and ignorant posters. To those who are classed in that. No matter where your child is cared for they will only ever have undivided attention at home if they are an only child- grow up!