Very erm, devout seeming AP ...steer clear?

[marmadukescarlet]

Those of you that know me will be aware I cannot seem to recruit an AP for love nor money out in the sticks with a disabled DS.

An Italian with AP experience, has worked as a teacher of SN children in high school (although she is only 21) but quotes a little scripture in her CV! 'I'm generous, honest and patiente because Jesus told:" Love your neighbor as yourself "(Matthew 22:39)'

She is obviously a 'non fit' with her current family as she can come at short notice - this is what worries me she has either been unlucky with her family and is desperate to get away or she is disloyal and flighty and may well leave me in the lurch.

Beggars can't be chosers perhaps, but I don't want to be so desperate and employ another nutter depressed AP.

I've lost all confidence in my ability to make a choice, help me!

Disclaimer - I am not saying that religeous folk are bonkers.

MDS - glad xAP has departed - its nice to have your "home" back to yourself isn't it? Hope you are feeling much better and have managed to get some sleep now that ds is feeling better (I do hope he is). I know last week was really tough for you in terms of health of your ds but hoping he's turned a corner.

I am now an xAP employer and BG has just confirmed my opinion of most APs as selfish, opinionated, money grabbers who don't care one bit about children. Shame she said "b*tch" and not "witch" as I'd have thought it was my x-x-AP. lol

Don't rise to the baite - I did once and got stressed out over it (here on mumsnet). I no longer explain my actions to anyone.

Somehow I totally missed this thread??

Just wanted to add my support marmaduke, well done for being so strong! And good luck with the new one, she sounds like you've got that "good feeling" that bodes well. We're still without AP from our failure last month and I've now given up looking until our new one starts in July - so I sympathise there wasn't much choice out there.

Anyway, just wanted to chip in my support firmly in the Marmaduke camp given how kind and supportive this bunch of "b*tches" was to me just a few weeks ago

Mini hijack (hope you don't mind MDS)

Hi Weegle,... Mrs R...
How are you both?
Has your AP left Mrs R? Is it that time already?

Ingles, sorry to be pedantic, but Romania is in Eastern Europe...where did you think it was? Why would you think if someone used the word 'slave' they are from Eastern Europe?

Only because I've had Ap's for years and twice have heard the 'slave' phrase and both times it was from Romanians. Have since been told by a couple of AP agencies that this is a common phrase for the Romanian AP's to use.
Obviously I know it's in Eastern Europe, and it was a guess but she sounded v. familiar iykwim.

Sorry to hear it's not worked out MDS. Hope your summer AP works out for you. When is she (potentially) arriving?

You have my sympathy

Just on a hunt for a new aupair as lovely current aupair going back to France. Checking CVs now and came across this gem

"Worked too as volontary witch disabled kids."

Would you employ? Would be interesting at least.

Branflake81: I think discrimination is not illegal when it is a matter of someone who will be living in your home.

hi MDS, sorry i was just searching and came across this thread (thinking about getting an AP)

Anyway so sorry to hear about the problems you've had and i really hope your son is feeling better (a point which bluegreen seemed to miss was your poorly son being caught up in exAP's getting lost mishap!)

Anyway you sound like a lovely, kind, caring and thoughtful mum-hope the summer AP is as good as she sounds and your dc's have lots of fun swimming

Hi, I'm italian and I think that even for an italian to quote the scriptures on a cv is very odd.
Btw I've had an italian AP, she was also a devout catholic (I'm an atheist) and was ok with my ds, except I found out she brought blokes home (to my house!) while I was away for work (a very uncatholic practice, may I say!).
You should have a very long conversation with her, maybe "try" her for a day or two and see how she gets on with your dc before you make up your mind. Where is she from? In some of the smaller owns in Italy you may get more "devout" catholics than in te big cities.

Good luck and your dc are gorgeous btw

Ingles - I see. By the way BlueGreen uses,or doesn't use definite articles, I have a strong suspicion she is from one of the ex-Yugslavia countries, so you may be right.

What I feel is at the root of MANY problems which arise between APs and host families, is that the APs are so young. We have a nanny/au pair who is 34, and she is a dream - mature, balanced, with lots of life experience, and someone I can relate to on a personal level. With girls who are 19 - 25, we expect them to perhaps be more mature than they really are, after all, they are being given enormous responsibility in carying for our children. Unfortunately I am struggling to keep ours, as the government has silly rules that au pairs must be between the ages of 19-27. I absolutely would not leave my ds with someone so young, having had several dissapointments with English girls that age.

Ingles - Hi. How're you doing? How's R getting on? I'm ok. It's hard without an AP - when the new one starts in July I'll therefore have been reminded why I need one! Fortunately we're off on hols at the end of the week so the house CAN'T require cleaning, the laundry can wait and DS can have some valuable daddy time .

Hi Weegle How are you? N went then... how did that go?
R is fine, tries hard which is good. Say's she's very happy which is even better.
Hope you have a lovely relaxing hols and roll on July

Yes roll on July! It was weird her going... I actually lost it and snapped at her the day before after she walked over my wet mopped floors in dirty shoes and then laughed at me. But then weirdness of weirdness she left us this thank you card saying she really liked our family and thanks for the opportunity to see England etc. It was very weird. How two parties can see things so differently. I ended up hospitalised the evening before she left so that kind of took over things and DH only literally had enough time to zoom back and drop her at the airport so fortunately there were no awkward goodbyes or anything like that. Live and learn! Our old lovely one is coming for a week in June to help and I've got this hol and another week away so all in there's only I think 2 full weeks of coping on my own anyway, so not so bad! Really glad R is working out ok, you deserve it after the last one. how long is R staying for?

What was I doing all weekend that I forgot to log on to MN and this thread in particular!!!

Our AP is going at the beginning of June, for similar reasons to MDS, tho' his English is really bad so he really might not understand my explanations of what I want him to do and how. We had a lovely Polish AP whose English was poor, so she used to observe exactly how I did things and then do likewise. Surely that's not hard?

Getting a lovely sounding German girl for the summer. One thing I really don't like is when APs ignore my DS with disabilities. Just because he can't talk, he is still a human being. He understands smiles.

Hope you're well and not too sleep deprived, MDS. Thanks for the entertaining thread!

Hi,
Can't bealive to all this.And NO i am NOT a troll just a regular MN reader who happens not to post much but i do find some of the posts VERY helpfull.
I think there should't be any badwords or any type of attack's but on another side people have got right to wright whatever they want 'cause on the end of the day this IS OPEN forum and if opinions are different that is ok and it doesn't mean poster is bad or anything like that.And NO i'm not an au-pair or a nanny , but happens to have one lovely MH-she used to be an au-pair be4 and i have to tell u I heard quite horrible things from her, but as her self says it's not every family bad and not every girl is bad. Unfortunatly , from my understaning it always happens to a good either employer or ap/n/mh.
Just my thought.....

Hi Coco,.. Welcome to MN.
Have to say I'm not that sure what you're saying though. Sorry.

Hi everyone! Like Coco i am new to mumsnet and haven't joined in any of the threads, but after reading this thread and all the up dates from other m-netters i wanted to have my say, in my opinion if you are an AP and are staying in some-ones house then you should show respect for those who have kindly taken you in, when you start a job, any job you should prove to your employers that you are suited to the job, you should be keen to learn and and show your employers just how good you are, hope i am making sense!! I am a nanny, and have been for many years now!! MDS, your AP was a joke and for all you people out there who need childcare it must be the hardest decision you have to make, i'm lucky i can take my 2dd's to work with me!! Gosh, i've gone on a bit haven't i? Anyway good luck to all those seeking childcare!!

Hi Cake... How true!
Hope you find loads of good advice here but don't become addicted

Hi ingles too late for that, do think i'm already addicted!!

Hi cake - what a brilliant post - so refreshing to see someone from the "otherside" with the same opinion as us. Its about showing respect to a family who have allowed you into their "close knit" environment.

hi, i am new to mums net also, and have been following this post. I am a nanny and although not live in i totally agree with cake. It doesn't matter what job you do the least anyone can expect is respect for yourselves, for the children, family values and home. This ap should think about how she would feel if she was treated this way and her children.... hope the next one works out for you.

Welcome NannyKaz...

Wow! We've got some great newbies on this thread ladies.