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Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Very erm, devout seeming AP ...steer clear?

148 replies

marmadukescarlet · 09/05/2008 13:59

Those of you that know me will be aware I cannot seem to recruit an AP for love nor money out in the sticks with a disabled DS.

An Italian with AP experience, has worked as a teacher of SN children in high school (although she is only 21) but quotes a little scripture in her CV! 'I'm generous, honest and patiente because Jesus told:" Love your neighbor as yourself "(Matthew 22:39)'

She is obviously a 'non fit' with her current family as she can come at short notice - this is what worries me she has either been unlucky with her family and is desperate to get away or she is disloyal and flighty and may well leave me in the lurch.

Beggars can't be chosers perhaps, but I don't want to be so desperate and employ another nutter depressed AP.

I've lost all confidence in my ability to make a choice, help me!

Disclaimer - I am not saying that religeous folk are bonkers.

OP posts:
ingles2 · 13/05/2008 11:36

you're just too nice MDS...
I'm going into town needs to be followed by...no you're not you have ironing to do!
I really just don't get it, you would think on their 1st day AP's would be trying their best. But my current didn't either! (she's improved a lot now thank god!)
What's her English like?

marmadukescarlet · 13/05/2008 12:03

Her English is good as far as I can tell, although I think it depends on if I'm saying something she wants to hear!

OP posts:
ingles2 · 13/05/2008 12:10

.
,.

MDS you don't need another dc!

laura032004 · 13/05/2008 12:35

I hope things improve, and quickly!

annh · 13/05/2008 14:27

Has she come home yet? Are you expecting help this afternoon?

marmadukescarlet · 13/05/2008 14:46

It just gets better ...

1pm (the time at which I told her to start work if she was going out this am) phone call from lost AP, she obviously has a local with her so after much repitition - me "give the phone to the person you are with" her "can you tell me you address, I am losted and this lady is helping me. You understand what I say." I eventually got to speak to the poor unfortunate that AP had asked way from. Ap has turned the wrong way having left the station (which is under 1 mile from here) and is 1.5 miles from here! Woman says she is coming this way and will point AP in right direction.

1.30pm phone call from AP. "I am lost come and get me I am outside XXXX" Me "no you are nearly home, croos the road to the pavement and follow it to XXXX lane" "No I have 3 bags and I'm lost, come and get me." Bearing in mind I have a sick child and work to do.

I went to get her, on way back I told her exactly how cross I was, that I wasn't a taxi service. Once home I told her to put her bags in her room and to come straight down to the kitchen where I gave her a bollocking chat about her role within the family and what my expectations were.

Within this I pointed out that she didn't thank DH for lift, me for dinner, that her table manners were shocking and she had to learn to eat properly. That apart from unloading the dishwasher she had done precisely nothing to help and as she was on a 2 week trial I expected her to be showing me how useful she was. Also that all questions she had asked so far were for her own benefit and not about the family or how she could help me. I told her I had never had to tell an AP off like this before and I was horrified by her atitude.

I told her she was now on a one week trial and next monday I would either give her 1 weeks notice or a further weeks trial at which point, if she had convinced me she was worth it I would issue a short contract.

I have seen her written refs and taken down details of contacts, issued her with a very detailed timetable of work, am altering MrsR's contract to show her and have basically put the fear of, well ykwim, God into her!

I said that next week at our meeting I want to be saying, "Excellent AP, you have really worked hard, shown how much help you are and the DC have really taken to you." Or she will be out!

She admitted she cannot go back to her country as her Mother has a new partner and her Father lives with a boy and she has no where to go. All the more reason to work hard then!

She is in the kitchen ironing, I will have to teach her how to iron shirts though.

OP posts:
marmadukescarlet · 13/05/2008 14:48

also fairly horrified by my spelling!

OP posts:
mummypoppins · 13/05/2008 14:57

well done well done. Very difficult. I did the same once and felt emmpowered afterwards.

Not a good start but maybe she will shape up.

Keep us posted we are on the edge for you MDS

xx

MrsRecycle · 13/05/2008 15:19

Go girl [ricky lake styleeee] - glad you put her exactly in her place and defined your expectations exactly. Hoping she turns out like my AP and changes for the best.

But it is terrible that you have to be this way isn't - boy have I toughened up in my years of having APs. Makes me in good stead for when dds are teenagers though.

marmadukescarlet · 13/05/2008 15:52

Thanks MP and MrsR, empowered is exactly how I felt. I was actually quite glad that she was so dreadful, because if she was a little bit dreadful I may have put up with it instead of getting it (hopefully) sorted out.

Previously I have been very soft, which has worked with the lovely ones and been a nightmare with the lazy ones. Never again!

LOL @ getting in practice for teenage girls!

OP posts:
ingles2 · 13/05/2008 21:16

Oh Well done MDS! am quite proud of you
fingers crossed for you now x

Nighbynight · 14/05/2008 06:33

oh marmaduke, sorry to hear it's not going too well. But WELL DONE for telling her all that!
It is my experience too, that APs are not trained, and they do bring all their emotional baggage with them. I really hope that the effort you are investing will get results (other than AP being out of the door next week!)

I had a slightly rocky start with my current one. She is fairly picky about her family, and I found on the computer an email that she sent to the agency trhat was less than complimentary about our family.
We both persevered, because she had no other choice except to return to her country, and I didnt want to send her back. Also like you we find it a bit hard to recruit APs.
She is now a family friend though!!

marmadukescarlet · 14/05/2008 08:53

Well it doesn't bode well. Was 10 mins late for start of work this morning, which I pointed out to her.

As I was on the way out of the door to take DD to school (have to leave at 8am) she started telling me she wanted to discuss her hours as she wants more time off - she is supposed to be AP+!

OP posts:
BeauLocks · 14/05/2008 09:02

Sounds hideous. Start looking for someone else (again!) and get rid. You have enough on your plate without taking on another child

Good luck.

MrsRecycle · 14/05/2008 10:32

oh no MDS - on her 2nd day - sorry to hear this - I bet you really wanted to say, "fine have time off, in fact how about having all your time to yourself and leaving". Cheek of it - does she not remember the review on Monday? Obviously not - don't feel bad about letting her go before this - just say things are not how I expected and obviously things are not how you expected (ie wanting less hours) so how about we just finish the relationship on good terms now. Take her to the Station and she can get a coach into London and stay in a hostel (there are loads that are only £10 a night). She is not your responsibility.

mummypoppins · 14/05/2008 10:51

she is unbeleivable! Ask her outright what she thinks she is here to be or do ??

ingles2 · 14/05/2008 10:57

I don't think there is any point in continuing MDS. She is never going to fulfil your expectations and you are going to end up making tons of compromises again and lets be honest you have got enough on your plate.
This is actually a good break point. Say, no I need someone for this amount of hours so you'll have to leave.
Get rid before she gets her feet really under the table and the dc's are bothered.
Can't believe you bad luck, you so deserved a good one this time.

cloudberry · 14/05/2008 11:03

MarmadukeS. Have been reading this and can't believe it for you. What a disappointment. Bloody au pairs what is wrong with them for god's sake..... Why don't you talk to the wonderful Nora -ask Ingles, she has. xxx

ingles2 · 14/05/2008 11:10

Small hijack

Hi Cloud.. How are you and baby cloud?
Was wondering what happened with your hungarian lady?

Thanks

marmadukescarlet · 14/05/2008 11:58

How dare you hijack my thread

Hello Cloud and all - I have never started a thread that has had so many posts!

I have been at my pc all morning sending off Ap letters - including to Laura's sister

OP posts:
mummypoppins · 14/05/2008 12:07

oh dear. No better then. Try Almondbury Au Pairs.....I was inundated when I did 2 years ago.

www.aupair-agency.com

xx

mummypoppins · 14/05/2008 12:10

and we are very rural too !

TheProvincialLady · 14/05/2008 12:15

She just wants free board and lodgings at your expense. Get rid now before she has taken the piss advantage of your hospitality any longer.

BradfordMum · 14/05/2008 13:02

All these people are offering very good advice, but I just want to give you a big cuddle and tell you it'll all be fine soon!

Take care,
Sally xx

mummypoppins · 14/05/2008 15:43

we are waiting for an update MDS...........thinking of you .........