Very erm, devout seeming AP ...steer clear?

[marmadukescarlet]

Those of you that know me will be aware I cannot seem to recruit an AP for love nor money out in the sticks with a disabled DS.

An Italian with AP experience, has worked as a teacher of SN children in high school (although she is only 21) but quotes a little scripture in her CV! 'I'm generous, honest and patiente because Jesus told:" Love your neighbor as yourself "(Matthew 22:39)'

She is obviously a 'non fit' with her current family as she can come at short notice - this is what worries me she has either been unlucky with her family and is desperate to get away or she is disloyal and flighty and may well leave me in the lurch.

Beggars can't be chosers perhaps, but I don't want to be so desperate and employ another nutter depressed AP.

I've lost all confidence in my ability to make a choice, help me!

Disclaimer - I am not saying that religeous folk are bonkers.

ooohhhhhhhhhhh ! ( stamps foot ). typed a long reply and it didnt post!

Basically I said call up her current famil. I have alays been pretty up front with people when I have moved Ap's on because they were not a good fit.....

ooh, yeah, if i were falling down under the weight of options id prob just file her vc under B. but seeing as youre having such a hard time its prob worth a call to last family. you should get a feeling from them to help you decide.

(have had ap's before. the good ones are sorely missed! the less fitting ones, not so much)

cv not vc

Thank you.

Yes a bit concerned about this as she says her family won't give her a reference as they don't want her to leave.

I can hear the warning bells now....

The warning bells are ringing very loudly in my ears too! I would steer clear, unless you cna at least arrange to meet her in person for an interview.

She has replied to my questions saying that she is only being paid £65 and would like more - I pay a higher rate.

The parents are having some marriage problems and do not speak to each other and it is an unhappy situation.

She has been there 5 weeks.

The family took her without references as they are Christians and accepted God's answer (or some such).

She can give me a written reference from the family that they gave her when she was looking for some extra work.

I am rally desperate, have had no help for over 3 months now. She is way up north so I cannot interview her.

ooohhhhhhhh........dont touch with a barge pole.

I would never not give a reference in those circs. I have 2 good ones who I didnt want to leave but we loved them as daughters and always wished them well when they went and did everything w could to get them good jobs afterwards!

It's not so much that they won't give a reference, more that they don't want her to leave and I think she is just going to leave them (in the lurch, as it were) so she seems a little disloyal.

another perspective here marmaduke - on first response, I would agree with the others and say don't touch her. BUT (and a big BUT) current AP (who you know is wonderful) came to us in exactly the same circumstances. She had 2 families before us, she had a different name on AuPair world and wanted more money. Alarm bells immediately rang and I didn't continue with her application.

She then contacted me a few weeks later, asking if we were still interested as she would have to go home if she didn't find a family. I was going to say no but dh said lets meet her and see. We did and it turned out that old family wouldn't give a reference (6 weeks as well) due to APDad making a drunk pass at her (hence the name change) and having to depart swiftly. The family before that also would not give a reference as they were not happy with her ability to do the role that they had envisaged. As this was completely different to the role she had envisaged (no childcare whatsoever) she left.

Our AP is extremely religious (is spending the whole weekend in services at the Finnish Church this weekend) and one her replies to our questions mentioned her beliefs/faith. She doesn't drink/watch tv.

We were dubious and gave her a two week trial at the end of which we could both terminate without any further recourse/redress.

She truly is wonderful and the religion is not a problem with us.

But only my POV...

Thank you Mrs R, that has helped enormously. I am tempted to give her a 2 week trial, as you know I haven't exactly been overwhelmed with applicants!

Please can you post your famous questionnaire so I can grill her?

I can see why she would want to leave if there was a great deal of marital disharmony BUT DH and I ended up not speaking when I loathed my last AP as he thought she was ok and didn't want me to get rid.

I've told her I don't think there is a Pentecostal Church round her - and what is Pentecostal? - and she says she will find one nearby.

I'm not sure what Pentecostal is either - google it and see what comes up. I think I've seen a Pentecostal church on the way to Camber, somewhere in East Sussex (but can't remember where).

I know what you mean about AP coming between dh/you - this happened with other AP. In the end, I let dh deal with her as I couldn't stand her two-faced ness. Hard to do in your situation though.

Here are my questions...

1. What dates are you available from?

1. How long are you planning to stay for?

1. Why do you want to come to London?

1. Do you have any friends/family in London/England?

1. If so, where do they live?

1. Why do you want to be an Au Pair?

1. Describe your family life. How many brothers and sisters do you have? Are they older or younger than you?

1. What previous experience have you had of looking after children? What ages were they?

1. What was the BEST part of looking after them?

10. What did you NOT like when looking after them?

11. Are you able to cook?

12. If so, what is your favourite meal that you could cook for us?

13. Describe a typical ?balanced? meal that you could prepare for the girls?

14. What morals (good behaviour) did your parents raise you with?

15. You will have plenty of spare time, what do you plan to do with this?

16. If we go on holiday, would you be prepared to join us?

17. Describe your health in the past year.

18. What activities have you done in the last month (eg studying, clubbing)?

19. What pocket money are you expecting for 25 hours a week and, up to, 2 evenings a week babysitting?

20. Do you have funds for your flight to the UK?

21. Do you have any phobias/allergies (eg spiders/travel sickness)?

22. What interested you in our Family?

23. Is there any element of the role you need further explanation (most of it is detailed in our profile)?

24. Do you have any questions?

we had a devout Christian nanny once - and she was fantastic. There were no issues with boyfriends in the house or overnight and her church gave her a wide social life at the weekends that was not centred on parties or drinking. She was a lovely girl and we are still in touch and she comes and babysits occassionally.

We found her at very short notice when our intended candidate let us down just before she was due to arrive and, frankly, we had very little choice. However, I have no regrets about her time with us.

I would not be put off by the girl's faith - although obviously you need to be comfortable she will fit into your home.

Pentecostal churches often meet in converted buildings or sometimes people's homes. So you may not have seen premises, but there may well be a Pentecostal church nearby.

Good luck marmadukescarlet

Pentecostal churches are usually the black-led churches - very evangelical but not weird!

Its not her faith that puts me off so much - although the comment about her previous family taking her without refs because it was God's answer is a little out of the ordinary. So actually I probably titled my post wrongly.

It's the secretive nature in which she seems to be leaving her family, so either she has stolen all the silver or they aren't very nice to her. After 5 weeks I would be sad if my AP just upped and left with no explaination - she says she can start Monday!

I'm actually not well and do not have the time energy or childcare to even make up her room for then.

tbh the family sound a little odd from what you have said.

Bless you for being so down.........I really hope it works you sound desp.

keep us posted and we are here for help along the way.

MP

Thanks MP, I'm not down so much as run down. My Ds is quite hard work and my DH works away much of the time.

I have spent many, many hours over the last 3 months trying to recruit a suitable AP - but no-one wants to work with DS (pic on my profile) he is actually fantastic, just rather full on! He has to have physio every day (by me) and needs particular type of language simplified play/interaction etc.

I'm always honest about his needs although in essesence it makes little difference to them, but it is off putting for the majority of APs - which is why she sounds tempting as she has previous experience and had checked the 'happy to work with disabled' box.

The condition he has is similar in many ways to mild Downs Syndrome, so he is cute looking, sociable and happy but very, erm, spirited! It also has similar health connotations he has a heart valve defect, a metabolic condition - similar to diabetes - a supressed immune system etc.

My last AP was so dreadful that it has genuinely put me off having another, but I have realised it is not possible for me to get by without. I'd really just like a lovely Mother's Help for 3 hours 3 times a week, but I had no replied to my advert last time I tried to recruit.

I've just emailed you MDS

If you were interviewing for a "real" job, ie one in a company you would not be allowed to discriminate on the grounds of religion.

I can completely see why you are put off - her circumstances do seem odd and her application smacks a little of evangelical christian.

However, Italians are all raised Catholic - perhaps she put that in just as a product of that? I don't think you should write her off completely. At least meet her and give her a chance.

Marmadukescarlet, no advice I am afraid as no experience with AP etc but just wanted to say what beautiful children you have. I hope you find a solution soon why not invite her on a trial basis and see how it pans out?

laura thank you for letting me know you'd mailed, you were in with all the dodgy spam! I will eamil her.

branflake I'm not in anyway against religion, attended a convent school and Dh's grandfather was a Bishop. It is the sneaking away from her family, bearing in mind she could do the same to us?

jad My faith is obviously not strong enough to listen when God tells me to do something which involves letting a complete stranger into my home! But as you say probably not unusually barmy.

Have not discovered there is a church that meets in my local council sports centre which may be just the thing!

sunshine Why thank you, I am obviously biased as their mother! They are almost as angelic as they look too

I think I will give her a 2 week trial. DH came home last night, is home for 4 days, and couldn't see my problem. Although unless she does arrive Mon Tues he will be gone for a week and I'll be alone with her.