Active discussions

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Paid childcare

Discuss everything related to paid childcare here, including childminders, nannies, nurseries and au pairs.

Original poster

Should Granny be allowed to give Grandchild treats?

391 replies

GrandmaNelly · 13/04/2023 14:58

Long time lurker, first time poster. Question is in the heading, but to give a bit of background…
I babysit a grandchild for my DD and a grandchild for my DS. I look after each child 2 days a week. On one day I have both, the other times I have them separate. DS and DDIL did not want grandchild to have treats until he was 18 months. Grandchild is now nearly two. I give both grandchildren the odd treat (crisps, biscuit, chocolate), but DS and DDIL don’t want me to and say they want to give all the treats. I find this difficult when I have both grandchildren together as DD has always allowed treats.
I want to address this but suspect if there is a falling out they will cut all contact and my grandchildren mean everything to me, so I’m scared of that happening. Any advice on how I can approach this or what you would do? Please be kind to an old grandma full of worry.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Set a reminder
SirChenjins · 14/04/2023 13:52

Oh, and minor point - 2/3rds are not obese, it's a combination of obesity (1/4) and overweight (around 40%). Neither is good, obviously, but they are different things.

mummyoffourminimes · 14/04/2023 14:09

Is the OP overweight/obese do you think then? Is that why she's not trusted with the treats?

seratoninmoonbeams · 14/04/2023 14:10

SirChenjins · 13/04/2023 15:16

Just saw your update - they are entitled CFers. I'd nip this in the bud and suggest they find other childcare if the one they are getting for free from a family member doesn't suit their rules.

I agree

SirChenjins · 14/04/2023 14:15

mummyoffourminimes · 14/04/2023 14:09

Is the OP overweight/obese do you think then? Is that why she's not trusted with the treats?

Why don't you ask her instead of asking posters to speculate about her weight?

mummyoffourminimes · 14/04/2023 14:18

I was asking you why there was so much speculation about obesity because you were posting about it @SirChenjins

mummyoffourminimes · 14/04/2023 14:20

@GrandmaNelly are you obese and is that why they don't trust you and your concept of appropriate when it comes to treats?

SirChenjins · 14/04/2023 14:21

In response to another poster posting about obesity @mummyoffourminimes

The OP’s weight hadn’t crossed my mind - but it obviously had yours.

jannier · 14/04/2023 14:21

IMustDoMoreExercise · 14/04/2023 10:49

I am a grandmother myself and I will never give my grandkids crisps, chocolates etc (not even Easter eggs) because I dont' want them to like me just for giving them unhealthy "treats".

I don't care what their parents give them as it is beyond my control.

Show quote history

But yet again you're missing the point .....the father granny's son came into granny's house got granny's biscuit that child is not allowed to have on pain of not ever having child again and gave the biscuit to the child.....it could have been a carrot the food item doesn't matter if the child isn't allowed to eat a carrot in granny's house dad shouldn't give the child one of granny's carrots either that's just an up yours mum.

Wetnwindy · 14/04/2023 14:26

jannier · 14/04/2023 10:42

Makes a miserable Saturday afternoon

Show quote history

Thinking that earlier!

mummyoffourminimes · 14/04/2023 14:30

SirChenjins · 14/04/2023 14:21

In response to another poster posting about obesity @mummyoffourminimes

The OP’s weight hadn’t crossed my mind - but it obviously had yours.

Ah sorry my mistake. I was wondering where the derail had happened.

It sounds to me like the OP doesn't have a good handle on what is appropriate for a 1 year old. I hadn't thought about the obesity until I saw you posting on it. Maybe there is a backstory of the OP being perceived by the OP as having unhealthy relationships with food.

mummyoffourminimes · 14/04/2023 14:31

*Perceived by the OP's DS
that should read

SirChenjins · 14/04/2023 14:35

mummyoffourminimes · 14/04/2023 14:30

Ah sorry my mistake. I was wondering where the derail had happened.

It sounds to me like the OP doesn't have a good handle on what is appropriate for a 1 year old. I hadn't thought about the obesity until I saw you posting on it. Maybe there is a backstory of the OP being perceived by the OP as having unhealthy relationships with food.

Show quote history

In which case, why would they want their child to be looked after her? From what she’s said she’s not feeding vast quantities of treats on the 2 days she’s got him/her - and the treats she’s giving are in line with the parents give the remainder of the week (one of whom is happy to give his child a biscuit at pick up time at granny’s house)

jannier · 14/04/2023 14:40

IMustDoMoreExercise · 14/04/2023 13:31

Of course they do because it is not once a month it is probably every day.. Then add in the number of birthday parties etc.

Why are 2/3 of the adult population obsese then if crisps, chocolates, do no harm?

Show quote history

Possibly that the never give my children parents then have children who start to get their own money and binge eat forbidden food, that their is too many food deliveries and ready meals, that processed food is cheaper, that young adults were not taught cooking at school but product development and you can't live on the flapjacks to they spent 6 weeks perfecting, that nobody has time, that fruit and veg is more expensive than a McDonald's.....

SirChenjins · 14/04/2023 14:43

…and food portions are larger, and we move about less, and much of the food we consume is ultra-processed, and access to healthy food is more limited with the way we build housing in this country…

jannier · 14/04/2023 14:43

SirChenjins · 14/04/2023 13:22

That's right - but at no point did the OP say they were fine with small occasional appropriate treats.

No she said the parents give treats all the time it's only the hours with granny that are treat free

mummyoffourminimes · 14/04/2023 14:45

she’s not feeding vast quantities of treats on the 2 days she’s got him/her

Yes she is! The child is 1.

She's feeding a bag of crisps and chocolate bar plus squash plus giving grapes on a sharp wooden stick to the child.

None of that is appropriate. Some of that is dangerous.

The DS shared a biscuit with the DC with a cup of tea - this is not evidence he feels the same way as the OP about what is an appropriate treat for the child. Just that he doesn't just blanket ban them.

Either to parents just want free childcare

Or

They want the DGM/OP to see the child and have a relationship. They don't want that relationship to revolve around food. They want the DC to have treats in moderation and don't trust the DGM with it understandably

The OP thinks she can buy the DC affection by feeding them crap.

The OP sounds like a complete nightmare when it comes to food. I would pay for childcare if this was my DMIL.

SirChenjins · 14/04/2023 14:50

Excellent - and everyone would be happy.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 14/04/2023 14:51

jannier · 14/04/2023 14:40

Possibly that the never give my children parents then have children who start to get their own money and binge eat forbidden food, that their is too many food deliveries and ready meals, that processed food is cheaper, that young adults were not taught cooking at school but product development and you can't live on the flapjacks to they spent 6 weeks perfecting, that nobody has time, that fruit and veg is more expensive than a McDonald's.....

Show quote history

You really think that 2/3 of parents did not allow their children to have unhealthy snacks?

Just look at this thread. I am in the very small minority in saying that the OP should not be giving crisps etc to her kids. Most of the people on here see nothing wrong with giving small kids crisps and chocolates every day even if it is killing them.

I assume that 2/3 of the people on this thread are overweight and yet they still don't care.

mummyoffourminimes · 14/04/2023 14:51

SirChenjins · 14/04/2023 14:50

Excellent - and everyone would be happy.

Well not the OP if she actually wants a healthy relationship with the child

SirChenjins · 14/04/2023 14:52

I wasn’t talking about the OP.

IMustDoMoreExercise · 14/04/2023 14:53

jannier · 14/04/2023 14:21

But yet again you're missing the point .....the father granny's son came into granny's house got granny's biscuit that child is not allowed to have on pain of not ever having child again and gave the biscuit to the child.....it could have been a carrot the food item doesn't matter if the child isn't allowed to eat a carrot in granny's house dad shouldn't give the child one of granny's carrots either that's just an up yours mum.

Show quote history

I am not missing the point. The kid's father obviously doesnt' care that he is killing his child. The grandmother (OP), should care as she should know better as she is older and should be wiser.

SirChenjins · 14/04/2023 14:54

IMustDoMoreExercise · 14/04/2023 14:51

You really think that 2/3 of parents did not allow their children to have unhealthy snacks?

Just look at this thread. I am in the very small minority in saying that the OP should not be giving crisps etc to her kids. Most of the people on here see nothing wrong with giving small kids crisps and chocolates every day even if it is killing them.

I assume that 2/3 of the people on this thread are overweight and yet they still don't care.

Show quote history

Yeah that’s it - we’re all obese or overweight and we are killing our kids slowly, one packet of Pom Bears at a time🙄

IMustDoMoreExercise · 14/04/2023 14:57

SirChenjins · 14/04/2023 14:54

Yeah that’s it - we’re all obese or overweight and we are killing our kids slowly, one packet of Pom Bears at a time🙄

Show quote history

I assume that 2/3 of you are, yes,

Screwballs · 14/04/2023 14:58

IMustDoMoreExercise · 14/04/2023 14:53

I am not missing the point. The kid's father obviously doesnt' care that he is killing his child. The grandmother (OP), should care as she should know better as she is older and should be wiser.

Show quote history

Newsflash, treats kill children. Easter is a massacre! Won't somebody think of the kids!

Killing his child, I just can't begin to unpack this! I truly hope you were brought up on a diet of brocoli and sprouts, and that you follow the same for your own children.

SirChenjins · 14/04/2023 14:59

Yes you said that - and that we’re intent on killing our kids with crisps. A most rational, measured post, I must say - it didn’t make you look unhinged in the slightest.