Page 2 | Should Granny be allowed to give Grandchild treats?

GrandmaNelly · 2023-04-13T13:58:32+00:00

Long time lurker, first time poster. Question is in the heading, but to give a bit of background… I babysit a grandchild for my DD and a grandchild for my DS. I look after each child 2 days a week. On one day I have both, the other times I have them separate. DS and DDIL did not want grandchild to have treats until he was 18 months. Grandchild is now nearly two. I give both grandchildren the odd treat (crisps, biscuit, chocolate), but DS and DDIL don’t want me to and say they want to give all the treats. I find this difficult when I have both grandchildren together as DD has always allowed treats. I want to address this but suspect if there is a falling out they will cut all contact and my grandchildren mean everything to me, so I’m scared of that happening. Any advice on how I can approach this or what you would do? Please be kind to an old grandma full of worry.

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

AliceTheeCamel · 13/04/2023 15:23

*her not 'here'

SunnySaturdayMorning · 13/04/2023 15:23

Screwballs · 13/04/2023 15:17

Respect their decision that only they can give snacks? We arent talking about child not being allowed them full stop, just the unpaid nanny isnt allowed to benefit from giving him a treat. Ridiculous.

Show quote history

It’s part of a wider problem.

If granny cannot respect the choices they have made for their child - whether that be something as innocuous as snacks or something as important as car safety - they aren’t suitable to look after said child.

So if granny goes ahead and gives treats because she thinks it’s okay, you cannot trust she won’t go against other parenting decisions they have made because she doesn’t see the issue.

Original poster

GrandmaNelly · 13/04/2023 15:24

@shivawn we aren’t particularly close. There are a lot of rules to follow, but I guess it’s up to them. It’s their first/only child too, so not sure if that contributes.

@heldinadream 3, so I’ve been looking after DG1 longer and already had our ‘treat time’ established.

@SunnySaturdayMorning I do respect their decisions but I’m now in a difficult position of having to treat DGC differently. They give treats so I don’t understand why one treat can’t be given when I have them both together.

@JulieHoney i don’t go mad. They are allowed one thing each, if they have been well behaved they 2 (max)

OP posts:

Goodoccasionallypoor · 13/04/2023 15:25

When you say odd treat, do you mean a single biscuit after lunch or a pack of crisps, some biscuits and chocolate throughout the day?

Eggseggseverywhere · 13/04/2023 15:27

Op maybe change what you consider treats...
At 2/3 my dd's loved a bowl of cut up salad and fruit.
Treats don't have to be sugary snacks.

Upwiththelark76 · 13/04/2023 15:28

Dear OP they sound awful . Happy for you to be the unpaid childcare option. Feel sorry for you I really do .

SirChenjins · 13/04/2023 15:28

SunnySaturdayMorning · 13/04/2023 15:23

It’s part of a wider problem.

If granny cannot respect the choices they have made for their child - whether that be something as innocuous as snacks or something as important as car safety - they aren’t suitable to look after said child.

So if granny goes ahead and gives treats because she thinks it’s okay, you cannot trust she won’t go against other parenting decisions they have made because she doesn’t see the issue.

Show quote history

Sounds like a paid nursery would be a better choice for them - these sorts of things then wouldn't be an issue. Stipulating that granny can't give any treats (even though they give them at home) and asking the OP to do an extra day the next week after she was ill so she didn’t miss out makes them sound like a pair of fools.

SunnySaturdayMorning · 13/04/2023 15:29

Lastnamedidntstick · 13/04/2023 15:20

Lol.

that’s the parents choice. If they aren’t happy with how grandma looks after the child
for free, they can choose paid childcare.

I am willing to bet they’ll soon compromise when their alternative is to pay £100/week + for 2 days nursery.

if someone is doing you a massive favour providing free Childcare, you don’t get to stipulate how they look after the child. If it’s not up to your standards, pay.

Show quote history

Exactly. I would rather pay someone who would follow the decisions I made for my child.

Going against what I have said is not doing me a favour.

rumpsteak · 13/04/2023 15:29

JUst don't give treats. It's not hard.

Screwballs · 13/04/2023 15:30

SunnySaturdayMorning · 13/04/2023 15:23

It’s part of a wider problem.

If granny cannot respect the choices they have made for their child - whether that be something as innocuous as snacks or something as important as car safety - they aren’t suitable to look after said child.

So if granny goes ahead and gives treats because she thinks it’s okay, you cannot trust she won’t go against other parenting decisions they have made because she doesn’t see the issue.

Show quote history

This is just hyper control. Its a snack. It doesnt mean shes going to sit him on her lap in the car. Shes obviously managed to raise two children herself without anyone dying, unless we are talking allergies then its frankly bloody patronising. My answer to having the minutia of my day dictated to like that would be for them to find alternative care. Shes already stated they've made her feel like she was bottom of the pile and should be grateful for the opportunity to make their lives easier. Disgraceful and a complete lack of respect, son should give his head a wobble.

neilyoungismyhero · 13/04/2023 15:31

MintJulia · 13/04/2023 15:23

Don't give traditional treats then.

Instead make sure your dgc has access to nice healthy food - cherry tomatoes, nice cheese, a wide variety of fresh fruits and really good breads with butter.

Problem solved 😊

Dear lord

BCBird · 13/04/2023 15:31

If u.r doing it for free and u r not being excessive with the trests then they are being unreasonable. Ss people say they can.pay and stipulate with a nursery.what they expect

Mariposista · 13/04/2023 15:31

I wonder if DIL's family get treated to the same bollocks? First child by any chance? Load of rubbish.
My MIL takes care of my two kids after school occasionally and I wouldn't dream of striding into her house with a rule book. My only request is no screens, as we are screen free but this isn't an issue.

SirChenjins · 13/04/2023 15:32

So if granny goes ahead and gives treats because she thinks it’s okay, you cannot trust she won’t go against other parenting decisions they have made because she doesn’t see the issue

Their parenting decisions they have made involve giving the same snacks at home.

ShonaShoop · 13/04/2023 15:32

SunnySaturdayMorning · 13/04/2023 15:23

It’s part of a wider problem.

If granny cannot respect the choices they have made for their child - whether that be something as innocuous as snacks or something as important as car safety - they aren’t suitable to look after said child.

So if granny goes ahead and gives treats because she thinks it’s okay, you cannot trust she won’t go against other parenting decisions they have made because she doesn’t see the issue.

Show quote history

OP can advocate for her GC to be sent to nursery and have “healthy snacks”. I totally agree.

BouncerFish · 13/04/2023 15:32

SunnySaturdayMorning · 13/04/2023 15:23

It’s part of a wider problem.

If granny cannot respect the choices they have made for their child - whether that be something as innocuous as snacks or something as important as car safety - they aren’t suitable to look after said child.

So if granny goes ahead and gives treats because she thinks it’s okay, you cannot trust she won’t go against other parenting decisions they have made because she doesn’t see the issue.

Show quote history

And this is why I don’t babysit.

Sorryyoufeelthatway · 13/04/2023 15:32

Get some healthier treats- simple! Toddlers do not need regular crisps and chocolate.

SirChenjins · 13/04/2023 15:33

Sorryyoufeelthatway · 13/04/2023 15:32

Get some healthier treats- simple! Toddlers do not need regular crisps and chocolate.

This particular child does at home

QuickNameChangeForMeToday · 13/04/2023 15:34

Considering the child is allowed treats at home I don’t see the issue in having a treat on the day both children are with gran.

What do you class as a treat @GrandmaNelly ?

SunnySaturdayMorning · 13/04/2023 15:34

Screwballs · 13/04/2023 15:30

This is just hyper control. Its a snack. It doesnt mean shes going to sit him on her lap in the car. Shes obviously managed to raise two children herself without anyone dying, unless we are talking allergies then its frankly bloody patronising. My answer to having the minutia of my day dictated to like that would be for them to find alternative care. Shes already stated they've made her feel like she was bottom of the pile and should be grateful for the opportunity to make their lives easier. Disgraceful and a complete lack of respect, son should give his head a wobble.

Show quote history

Exactly - and in their situation I would find alternative childcare.

If’s not a hill I would die on but if it’s important to them that’s all that matters.

RedToothBrush · 13/04/2023 15:35

Here's the thing.

You KNOW it will upset them, but you STILL want to overrule them, because YOU want to do something.

You are hiding behind the other child saying, well its difficult to not give it to this one if I'm giving to the other.

The simple answer here is don't give any of them biscuits or whatever ever it is. Really at that age, they don't need it, and this is all about YOU indulging YOURSELF to feel good for giving them a treat.

This isn't having a ridicilous request over routines etc. This is about you wanting to take control and overrule as grandmother and you are doing a 'I'm just being a nice kind hearted old dear' routine and trying to demonise your kids as some kind of abusive monsters who will cut off all contact with you.

And if the relationship is that tense, then perhaps there really is a problem with you overstepping...

I find this OP, smacks of a reverse tbh due to the tone and the 'poor ickle grandma' vibes about it. If thats not the case, it screams you ARE the problem...

SunnySaturdayMorning · 13/04/2023 15:35

SirChenjins · 13/04/2023 15:32

So if granny goes ahead and gives treats because she thinks it’s okay, you cannot trust she won’t go against other parenting decisions they have made because she doesn’t see the issue

Their parenting decisions they have made involve giving the same snacks at home.

They have made the decision they don’t want granny to give snacks.

Whatever their reason, that is their choice to make, and it sounds like they’re happy to find alternative childcare if granny cannot respect that.

Lordofthebutterfloofs · 13/04/2023 15:36

Be really honest now, how much do you give them?

My mum (before NC, however not the reason I went NC) would let my children eat entire packets of things in one sitting so a whole pack of chocolate fingers, all six Mr Kippling cakes and so on.

No matter what I said she wouldn't stop doing it. It was revolting and upset me immensely.

Goodoccasionallypoor · 13/04/2023 15:36

Mariposista · 13/04/2023 15:31

I wonder if DIL's family get treated to the same bollocks? First child by any chance? Load of rubbish.
My MIL takes care of my two kids after school occasionally and I wouldn't dream of striding into her house with a rule book. My only request is no screens, as we are screen free but this isn't an issue.

What exactly is the difference between your 'request' and what op's son and DIL are doing? What would you do if she put the tv on for them every time?

greyhairnomore · 13/04/2023 15:38

@GrandmaNelly you're doing them a huge favour and saving them hundreds of pounds.
Don't let them make out they're doing you the favour.