Should Granny be allowed to give Grandchild treats?

[GrandmaNelly]

Long time lurker, first time poster. Question is in the heading, but to give a bit of background…
I babysit a grandchild for my DD and a grandchild for my DS. I look after each child 2 days a week. On one day I have both, the other times I have them separate. DS and DDIL did not want grandchild to have treats until he was 18 months. Grandchild is now nearly two. I give both grandchildren the odd treat (crisps, biscuit, chocolate), but DS and DDIL don’t want me to and say they want to give all the treats. I find this difficult when I have both grandchildren together as DD has always allowed treats.
I want to address this but suspect if there is a falling out they will cut all contact and my grandchildren mean everything to me, so I’m scared of that happening. Any advice on how I can approach this or what you would do? Please be kind to an old grandma full of worry.

Not suitable to look after them for giving them the same treats (presumably) as the parents have expressed they want to give their own DC? It would take an incredibly petty and mean spirited person to deny their child a relationship with a loving grandparent over the occasional treat. This is not part of some “bigger picture” where a parents wishes about SERIOUS issues aren’t being respected 🙄

We now know that sugar is killing children. When I was growing up, we were told that it was just bad for their teeth.

We know better now and that is why were have an obesity and diabetes crisis. We did not have one 50 years ago when chocolates etc were expensive and most people (includign my paretns) could not afford them.

You definitely have an unhealthy and inappropriate relationship to food and you should get help for that.

My SiL has lots of rules surrounding my niece. She complains that our inlaws (she is my BiL’s wife) favour my DC. I have no rules about what they can and can’t have when they’re being taken out or looked after by people doing us a favour. I know my inlaws find our DC easier to take out because they’re not worrying about doing something wrong because of SiL’s reaction.

I take my other niece out all of the time as my sister is the same as me - very laid back and it’s lovely seeing the cousins together. I rarely take my other niece because of ‘the rules’ and because of the age of the DC it does now cause issues.

You sound lovely OP, and I’d take your DD’s advice and stand up for yourself, if they want childcare with lots of demands then they can pay for it. I would give it precisely a month before they come back asking if you can do emergency childcare because their DS can’t go to nursery because of a temperature, loose nappy etc. etc.

You're one of those strange, rigid joyless types aren't you?

*I am not missing the point. The kid's father obviously doesnt' care that he is killing his child. The grandmother (OP), should care as she should know better as she is older and should be wiser.

@IMustDoMoreExercise*

This is massively over the top. If this is really how you think about food then you should seek help for it.

People couldn't afford chocolates 50 years ago? 😕

Apparently not. I mean, I know I’m old at 54 but I don’t remember chocolate being so expensive no-one could afford it. Perhaps she meant 80 years ago when it was rationed?

I think I was partially brought up on chocolate and I'm 57 and we had bugger all money.

Same here! There was no shortage of sweet food and treats 50 years ago. Post war maybe, but that was the generation previous that would have experienced that, so people in their 70's and 80's maybe. Not the generation who are now the younger active grandparents (assuming ages 50 & 60's )
We grew up mainlining sweets and fizzy drinks without any low sugar or low calorie options. The reasons for obesity and diabetes being higher now aren't just about the availability of cheap and processed foods.

Yep, same here (and I’m not overweight or obese, despite the earlier claim that was made 😂). Crisps, sweets and Findus Crispy Pancakes washed down with squash (in Tupperware beakers, natch) were the order of the day in the 70s. No-one I knew, adult or child, was overweight or obese.

I grew up in a family where my parents grew all their own produce (and we had a massive chest freezer so the garden produce saw us through winter). Everything was cooked from scratch. But my grandma was big on baking, so cake featured several times a week.

My pocket money all went on swets, and my school tuck shop sold nothing but chocolate and crisps. That was in the 1960s.
I'm a size 10, and daily sweets and chocolate didn't kill me. Or at least it hasn't yet.

Both you and the parents want to give treats. Because dc like treats. And it's nice to be the one who gives them something sugary or salty, that makes them happy. I perfectly understand why your ds wants to be the one handing them out, because that is an easy bond, a nice experience, but he also does not want dc to have too many treats.

So I don't think the fact that the parents give treats makes them hypocritical.

But I do think your ds is being rude and manipulative about the childcare you provide. I doubt they will pay for childcare over this issue - it's an empty threat. But still a nasty one.

So, you and ds work out a compromise.

Or, you ignore them and carry on as you are. After all, you are graciously providing free, high-quality childcare.

Or, you switch to healthy snacks. This is the best option for your dgc, especially when so very young. They don't need processed crisps or chocolate bars. They are legitimately better off without them.

I think your ds needs to go a long way in appreciating what a treasure he has in you!

My dad had an allotment so we got a lot of our fruit and veg from there and my mum was also big on baking too - but like you, we were very into our sugar as kids! Those big jars of sweets that they weighed out were very popular, as were 2 sweets for 1p - either black jacks or fruit salads. We whiled away the hours hunting the village streets for a dropped penny to spend at the shop when we weren’t eeling, climbing trees or riding our bikes. Happy memories 😊

We now know that sugar is killing children. When I was growing up, we were told that it was just bad for their teeth.
We know better now and that is why were have an obesity and diabetes crisis. We did not have one 50 years ago when chocolates etc were expensive and most people (includign my paretns) could not afford them

Nonsense! I grew up in the 60/70’s. I had 6d to spend on sweets, after school, every day. My mother cooked from scratch. There were no fast food outlets, ready prepared meals or any of the fatty, sugar laden foods available today. Kids then came home from school, changed into play clothes and went out to play. I’ve never been overweight. None of my school friends were overweight.

I’ve always cooked from scratch. My dc, and fostered dc, have a snack between coming home from school and dinner, every day. They have all been involved in various after school classes - swimming, dance, gymnastics, cross country…. None of them are overweight.

My GC arrive with snacks in their bag. Crisps, mini choc bars, yogurts, juice… Their parents cook from scratch. The DC all attend various after school clubs and none of them are overweight.

It’s very telling why people are now suffering from obesity and health problems relating to obesity when posters very proudly announce they spend £1400 a month on shopping for a family of 2 adults and 2 children. That includes their regular deliveries of take away suppers, of course 🙄 The very same posters who proudly post that their dc has the latest games consoles (and spend all day, every day, sitting in their bedrooms glued to a screen).

Don’t blame obesity on a small snack per day. Look at the very much bigger picture.

If you play and do messy stuff with them they will like you for all that not the food

That is not what the thread is about if you want to discuss if sweets and crisps are removed from the countries diet start another thread

wow, what a lot of responses. Thank you everyone.

I’ve lost the post where someone asked if I was overweight. No I’m not, I’m very active and grew up on dinners followed by pudding and custards etc. and made the same for me and my late DH. I encourage the DGC to be active as well.

Like other posters (who I think might be my generation or slightly younger) have said my pocket money was for treats and I had a fair helping of cloudy lemonade.

I absolutely do respect the parents wishes but just want a compromise where possible to make looking after both DGC a little easier. I think I’ll offer DS to have DGC2 on a separate day and see what he thinks, although I do think it’s a shame that the cousins won’t be together then.

Nelly, I think you’re going to be hammered regardless of what you do to appease your son. Going forward please remember these magic words - this isn’t working and as you’ve previously said you’d make other childcare arrangements I think it’s best if you do.

You don’t have to use those exact words but I know you’d want to wrap whatever you say up in cotton wool because that’s the way he’s got you trained.

You’re doing a great job by the way.

I absolutely do respect the parents wishes but just want a compromise where possible to make looking after both DGC a little easier. I think I’ll offer DS to have DGC2 on a separate day and see what he thinks, although I do think it’s a shame that the cousins won’t be together then.

If it’s such a massive issue just don’t give either grandchild a treat. It’s not necessary at all and it’s a ridiculous hill to die on.

Thank you, it’s lovely to find kind supportive strangers (MN friends) like you.

In all honestly, I wouldn’t like my kids at that age eating that.

Can you not replace grandma’s goody cupboard with healthyish snacks? Those organix oaty bars and the organix gingerbread men or raisins etc? Then neither kid gets the ultra processed junk food. (Tbf, neither kid should be eating it anyway at their age.)

While I wouldn’t like my child eating it (and they wouldn’t give them that stuff at nursery), I don’t control what happens when they’re being looked after by their grandparents (who give them Nutella toast, crisps and magnums galore even though I wouldn’t at home!).

But then I’ve never told the gps not to.

If you want to carry on looking after them both, restock the treat cupboard with different things.

I also can’t see why the grandchild who is allowed quavers etc wouldn’t just get used to organix gingerbread men. Treat them both the same, have them both together. Tell them you’ve got some different treats for the treat cupboard. Maybe you could put some rolls of stickers or colouring pencils / books in there for them to choose too, so they’re not distracted by the lack of chocolate bars.

Or perhaps the parents could provide the treats they want their child to have - and then not supplement those treats with a biscuit when they pick up their child from granny’s.

You've dug yourself a hole with the crap cupboard.

I'd try to wean your other DGC off the treats and replace with something fun as others have said.