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Original poster

Should I take toddler to MIL appointment?

163 replies

Kardelen · 13/01/2023 15:52

I have a toddler just under the age of two. Also 36 weeks pregnant. My husband wants me to take MIL to her appointment as none of her other kids are free or for whatever reason won’t be taking.

the issue is however childcare. I can leave the toddler with my parents but they are elderly and I feel bad to burden them for this. The appointment will be at least one hour, and the journey minimum 1.5 hours each way as I will need to pick her up first and it falls to traffic time. She may also ask for me to take her grocery shopping after her appointment as this is not unusual. The issue is though, do I take my very active toddler with me? Which means I may not be able to attend the actual appointment with her, Or do leave him with my parents and feel guilty? I will also be feeling guilty for toddler being in the car seat for that long, but I also can’t physically chase him around outside.

I also don’t want to mention that I will be taking her to my parents as they always get anxious when I’m out alone as I’m on third trimester (first baby came early), and also wondering why her own children are unable to take.

much appreciated

OP posts:
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Muchtoomuchtodo · 13/01/2023 15:54

Drop MIL to her appt and pick her up afterwards. Find a local park to entertain dc at while MIL is at her appt

Original poster
Kardelen · 13/01/2023 15:55

That’s a brilliant idea actually! Only issue is I don’t know if she expects me to actually attend the appointment with her

OP posts:
Thelondonone · 13/01/2023 15:56

Muchtoomuchtodo · 13/01/2023 15:54

Drop MIL to her appt and pick her up afterwards. Find a local park to entertain dc at while MIL is at her appt

Do this.

Muchtoomuchtodo · 13/01/2023 15:57

Unless she has a cognitive impairment then you’re doing more than enough taxi-ing her there and back.

in fact hospital transport or a taxi could be another solution…..

Glo1988 · 13/01/2023 15:57

Your husband needs to take time off to do this. Not your responsibility, especially when heavily pregnant and with a 2 year old. Ridiculous

MelchiorsMistress · 13/01/2023 15:58

If you can drop her off and collect her afterwards then do that, and make it clear to her before you set off that you will need to get straight home. Especially as there’s a high chance the appointment will run late.

liveforsummer · 13/01/2023 15:58

What's the appointment for? Something sensitive where she needs accompanying? If not then obviously you can't go with her with toddler so might as well take him somewhere fun. If yes someone else will have to take her because you have toddler

Fraaahnces · 13/01/2023 15:59

Your DH should be taking a day off work to take his mum to the appointment. It’s not okay to leave your kid all day with your elderly parents and it’s absolutely not ok for you to drive three hours, wait around and then be dragged around the supermarket (pharmacy, etc…) Why has he decided that this is your job?

Original poster
Kardelen · 13/01/2023 16:01

By the time I drop her and come home and go back she would be done loong time I think. The location is quite far, plus it’s going to be rush hour time which means sitting in traffic. I don’t know if im stressing out for no reason😅

OP posts:
crimsonlake · 13/01/2023 16:02

Another one who agrees that your dh should be the one doing this, why is it down to you?

Original poster
Kardelen · 13/01/2023 16:05

It’s some sort of assessment I think regarding her job situation. She has been getting sick notes from GP so they want to assess to see if it’s genuine maybe. So I don’t think toddler would be allowed?

i also have work the day before etc and my own appointments so feel a bit exhausted.

OP posts:
AlisonDonut · 13/01/2023 16:05

So, why are her children unable to take her? I think you are completely mad to be running round at your husband's request but I doubt anything anyone on here can say will make you say no.

MintChocCornetto · 13/01/2023 16:05

Your DH can want all he likes, his mum, his responsibility.

Your little one will be so bored in the car & waiting for MIL or being told to be quiet all the time if you go to the appt ☹️

It's not a reasonable ask. It's not like you can quickly drop her off it's an hour away in rush hour. It's a lot when you're very pregnant and with a very small child.

Original poster
Kardelen · 13/01/2023 16:07

This is what I’m thinking. But not sure how to tell my husband?
its my last week of work, so he probably thinks as I still go work I can also take. If I say no, I’m worried he’s going to think bad of me.

OP posts:
Fudgemaker · 13/01/2023 16:11

Why are you afraid to tell your husband that he is making an unreasonable demand? HE should be taking HIS mother surely

Original poster
Kardelen · 13/01/2023 16:11

I also take my own parents for their appointment, and quite a few appointments due to their health conditions. But I am able to leave the toddler with my sister to do so. But that day she’s not available, hence why I take that day off work. So as I take my own parents, he might start to compare, I don’t know?

two of her other kids can drive, but I don’t think she wants to ask one of them as she recently had an argument. And the other one is at work, and dh is also at work. The other child/daughter in law can’t drive so I suspect this might be the reason.

OP posts:
Original poster
Kardelen · 13/01/2023 16:14

Unfortunately he’s not got a good relationship with his manager, so I think that’s why he doesn’t want to ask. So it just all falls on me. I wasn’t sure if I was stressing out for no reason, but seems like it is a genuine reason now.

driving around 3 hours with a toddler and heavily pregnant is an excuse right?

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 13/01/2023 16:14

If your mil is still working.. not retired ..can she not find her own way there on public transport. I thought first she was an elderly woman. Even your dh paying for a taxi from the nearest station. I don't think you should be driving such a distance in heavy traffic at this stage in your pregnancy especially as your history is early delivery. Imagine having a toddler in the middle of that. Don't do it..its all too much.

MintChocCornetto · 13/01/2023 16:16

None of that is your problem OP.

You should be winding down not taking on extra tasks. The one that doesn't drive can get a taxi surely? Or someone can take time off work - your DH for example.

1.You can't take a toddler to a medical appointment that isn't yours

  1. It's too far away to drop and come back
  2. There's no one else to look after your little one
  3. It's not your mum, not your problem to solve
Allthegoodnamesarechosen · 13/01/2023 16:19

So your DH doesn’t get on with his manager…..hmm, I wonder why that could be ?

FictionalCharacter · 13/01/2023 16:21

Kardelen · 13/01/2023 16:14

Unfortunately he’s not got a good relationship with his manager, so I think that’s why he doesn’t want to ask. So it just all falls on me. I wasn’t sure if I was stressing out for no reason, but seems like it is a genuine reason now.

driving around 3 hours with a toddler and heavily pregnant is an excuse right?

So he’s trying to make his problem your problem. It isn’t. He needs to take time off work to take his mother himself.

Tolerant · 13/01/2023 16:24

You are being put upon OP. Are you usually the family doormat?

Seeline · 13/01/2023 16:26

driving around 3 hours with a toddler and heavily pregnant is an excuse right?

It's not an excuse.

It's a legitimate reason to say no. It's not your problem.
How soon after giving birth are you going to be expected to do similar tasks with a toddler and a new born?
Time for your MIL to stop arguing with her kids and get them to help her.

Ragruggers · 13/01/2023 16:27

Is there public transport? It is too much to expect you to do all this travelling with a toddler.Say no not possible.There May be hospital volunteer car services which you pay by the mile to the driver however it sounds as this appointment is not outpatients so not permitted.

DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 13/01/2023 16:27

Yes. It is an excuse. But its a very valid one.
Your DH doesn't want to ask for time off and doesn't want an awkward conversation with the boss by asking, in case the boss thinks its not a good enough reason. Shielding two grown men from difficult conversation over a HR matter.
This happened to me all the time and this is all at your expense.
You will be seen as the go to person who will step in to cope with emergencies, and if being 36 months preg with a toddler on your hip doesn't excuse it, I don't know what will.
DH and siblings will have to put themselves to the trouble of having a rethink and understanding that at this time, they have to pull their weight.