Should I take toddler to MIL appointment?

[Kardelen]

I have a toddler just under the age of two. Also 36 weeks pregnant. My husband wants me to take MIL to her appointment as none of her other kids are free or for whatever reason won’t be taking.

the issue is however childcare. I can leave the toddler with my parents but they are elderly and I feel bad to burden them for this. The appointment will be at least one hour, and the journey minimum 1.5 hours each way as I will need to pick her up first and it falls to traffic time. She may also ask for me to take her grocery shopping after her appointment as this is not unusual. The issue is though, do I take my very active toddler with me? Which means I may not be able to attend the actual appointment with her, Or do leave him with my parents and feel guilty? I will also be feeling guilty for toddler being in the car seat for that long, but I also can’t physically chase him around outside.

I also don’t want to mention that I will be taking her to my parents as they always get anxious when I’m out alone as I’m on third trimester (first baby came early), and also wondering why her own children are unable to take.

much appreciated

I think you should just say No, but I can appreciate that's difficult at the moment

How about you say that as you are so heavily pregnant, you will hopefully be able to go , but you think they shouldn't have a contingency in case you aren't up to it ir the midwife orders you to rest? Might at least get them thinking of alternatives

So? I look after my parents, DH looks after his.

What's going on in your relationship, it seems like you are really scared of your husband?
What are the consequences for you if you don't do as you're told?

I'm pretty sure I wouldn't want to risk being stuck in traffic at 36 weeks pregnant on a journey of that length. Apart from anything else I'd be bursting for a wee!

“That doesn’t work for me. I hope your mother can work something out.”

No way I’d be playing taxi while heavily pregnant with a toddler in tow.

That's fine , you sort your parents , he sorts his parent.

You're lovely, bet you dont do anyone a favour do you !!

you are joking? no is a complete sentence!!

I would not do that at all at 36 weeks. I stopped driving around then.

If you feel you must do something, drop her off and find a soft play. Absolutely do not drag in 2 year old it would be hell

Why are you so scared of having a normal, everyday conversation with your DH?

She's not wrong

If your MIL is of working age and her work are requesting she has further assessments to see if she is well presumably she is relatively independent when well. Presumably too the hospital is not that far from her home?

I honestly don't understand why she can't order a taxi to attend the appointment. If she can't and she's too unwell I think hospital transport needs to be considered.

Having said that, I don't think an hour and a half from home is that unreasonable in the third trimester.

You're second guessing what might happen, what people might think...don't do that. You obviously don't want to take her (and neither would I), so just say it how it is.

Sorry babe I don't feel up to driving all that way, can you book a days holiday or sort it with your siblings.

Or tell her to ask for an online appt.... That's what I did.

I recognised your name from your other threads about your MIL. Absolutely do not take her to the appointment.

36 weeks pregnant is exhausting! Let alone doing up to 3 hours in the car plus and hour or two in between and then with a toddler in tow to take care of, feed and manage behaviour.

Your DH IBU. However, he probably has no concept of how exhausted you will be. Especially as your first child arrived early. I would say you're very sorry but he's going to have to take time off to do it. Being heavily pregnant is wiping you out and you won't manage such a big day out with all the driving without needing a lie down half way through.

You need to learn to talk honestly with your husband, no hinting or worrying what he thinks of you. You're in late stages of pregnancy, went into early labour with previous child, who is still a toddler, which you will have to take with you.

This is all too much, it shouldn't fall on your shoulders. She'll have to sort something else out.

Why can't she pay for her own taxi?

Sorry, I have skipped through the tread, why can’t your mil get herself to the appointment?

I presumed from OP's message of around 16:05ish iirc that the default assumption was that she couldn't, otherwise this whole thread is pointless

Is there a reason that you have to take her shopping too? Can't she do online or you drop her at a Supermarket and she gets a taxi home?

thank You for everyone’s contributions.
I did talk to him, he said he will speak to his siblings and see. He will also speak to his boss to see if he can leave work early, if his siblings can’t, but he wants to suggest her stay over night with us so he can save a trip from going to hers, and that it would be quicker. So I’m not sure even more now

Do your dh and his siblings make themselves available to take your parents to appointments? What do you think would happen if you asked them to take your mum to an appointment?

His siblings wouldn’t,
but my dh did drive me a few time when they had appt. But obviously that was his day off and no other responsibilities at the time.
i also went with mil to many appointments before I had my baby, and did a few times after that too. I was pregnant at the time for some but obviously not as advanced and it wasn’t as far, and dh was looking after toddler in the car etc

oh also that was entirely his choice. I didn’t put pressure on him, he just wanted to. But again at that time I also did take his mother when I didn’t have toddler, or when toddler was looking after by dh.

it’s just now I’m heavily pregnant and don’t go out much with toddler on my own anyway even for my own needs as he’s very much active and throws tantrums, and I struggle to pick him up and carry him.
So a 1.5 hour minimum journey each way, plus waiting around for the duration of the appointment seems too much for me. But I doubt his family will understand

She actually has local walking distance shops around, and but not sure she just likes browsing inside. She didn’t request this yet, but this is me assuming as previous times she did, or before I had baby she used to call me to take her etc.