Should I take toddler to MIL appointment?

[Kardelen]

I have a toddler just under the age of two. Also 36 weeks pregnant. My husband wants me to take MIL to her appointment as none of her other kids are free or for whatever reason won’t be taking.

the issue is however childcare. I can leave the toddler with my parents but they are elderly and I feel bad to burden them for this. The appointment will be at least one hour, and the journey minimum 1.5 hours each way as I will need to pick her up first and it falls to traffic time. She may also ask for me to take her grocery shopping after her appointment as this is not unusual. The issue is though, do I take my very active toddler with me? Which means I may not be able to attend the actual appointment with her, Or do leave him with my parents and feel guilty? I will also be feeling guilty for toddler being in the car seat for that long, but I also can’t physically chase him around outside.

I also don’t want to mention that I will be taking her to my parents as they always get anxious when I’m out alone as I’m on third trimester (first baby came early), and also wondering why her own children are unable to take.

much appreciated

You shouldn't be doing this, what if you go into labour?

I assume you are an only child, or siblings live far away. so of course you will help your parents as they have no one else, whereas mil has several children who can help with this.

Just say no, risks are to high and the stress could affect baby and your labour so he needs to stop asking

I cannot fathom why your husband is more concerned about upsetting his boss about asking for the day off to do this himself, than the health of his wife and unborn child. Especially if there were complications last time. Please, for the love of all that is good in this world, don't risk the extra stress! Put your foot down and say no. You hold absolutely no responsibility to do this for your MIL when you are pregnant and with a toddler in tow. Him or his siblings should help, or organise other transport for her.

You are very pregnant with a toddler. Why is this all on you?

Have you clearly said to your husband that you cannot do it? If so why isn't he listening to you? Is he like this in all aspects of life?

If your MIL really wants it to be you and values your support then DH could also take time off to look after HIS toddler so you can go and support HIS mother. It’s not unreasonable.

Time off for dependants is allowed. Otherwise to drop off/pick up park idea is really the only option and I’m sure your MIL will understand and be grateful you’ve taken her.

But the OP should decide whether she feels able to do this. She is heavily pregnant, went into pre term labour last pregnancy and it's a long journey if she's uncomfortable. It's not MIL's choice.

You don't have to go and get it over and done with though. Not your problem.

You need to feel some anger and take control of the situation. How dare everyone put this on your shoulders?!

Say NO. End of discussion. If she ends up staying then let DH take care of her, you don't have to wait on her or keep her entertained!

Your husband is a massive asshole. He should not have allowed you to be put in this position.

You need to have a very firm conversation with him. Stop allowing yourself to be treated this way. Worst case scenario, MIL misses her appointment. So what? She’s a mentally capable adult with a job, not an invalid needing urgent care. She needs to take responsibility for herself.

OP, does MIL come from a culture in which it is normal for the DIL to move in with the husband’s mother and look after her?

and all this crap about “my hsnad will think it’s bad I look after my parents and not his”. They looked after you long before your husband was part of your life. What does he do for your parents?

Also, I would not be taking a toddler to an appointment (can’t actually tell if it’s a medical one or not) without the express permission of the person conducting the meeting. It’s rude and distracting.

Absolutely! He really is an asshole for even considering this was a good idea, let alone enforcing it!

So your dh wants you his heavily preg wife to drive 1.5hrs each way for an appointment fir his mum, and with a toddler

but if he did it she would have to stay at yours to save dh driving the same distance

seriously

and dh and her other 3 children aka adults can’t manage to sort it

tell him no

JUST SAY NO
how difficult is it?
On the day I'd suggest taking your toddler out somewhere at the time when MIL would be due to arrive

"Dh, I need you to hear me. I am not driving your mother.Not if she stays over, not at all. Period. And if you insist on her staying over, you need to do all the work. Clean, etc. The whole point is I CANNOT take on more. No. More. Not extra cleaning, cooking, or entertaining. NONE OF IT. Quit piling more on my plate to make YOUR life easier. You have three siblings. One of you needs to handle this, and quit dumping everything on me. Being your wife doesn't mean I'm chef, cook and bottle washer whenever you decide your mother needs tending to. Don't demand of me what you and your siblings aren't willing to do yourselves."

Seriously, the absolute audacity. Neither him or his siblings will tend to their mother, so they just shove her on you? Nope. I'd stay in my pjs all day, hunker down in front of the tv with my toddler, and refuse to move for the day.

Thank you for everyone’s support. DH got annual leave approved so will take her on the day luckily.
she was still asking if I will be going with them which is strange but yeah, at least it’s been sorted now!