Should I take toddler to MIL appointment?

[Kardelen]

I have a toddler just under the age of two. Also 36 weeks pregnant. My husband wants me to take MIL to her appointment as none of her other kids are free or for whatever reason won’t be taking.

the issue is however childcare. I can leave the toddler with my parents but they are elderly and I feel bad to burden them for this. The appointment will be at least one hour, and the journey minimum 1.5 hours each way as I will need to pick her up first and it falls to traffic time. She may also ask for me to take her grocery shopping after her appointment as this is not unusual. The issue is though, do I take my very active toddler with me? Which means I may not be able to attend the actual appointment with her, Or do leave him with my parents and feel guilty? I will also be feeling guilty for toddler being in the car seat for that long, but I also can’t physically chase him around outside.

I also don’t want to mention that I will be taking her to my parents as they always get anxious when I’m out alone as I’m on third trimester (first baby came early), and also wondering why her own children are unable to take.

much appreciated

You need to point out to your DH and his entitled family that you could actually go into labour on the journey with your toddler in the back of the car! What would actually happen then? Your MIL sounds like such a cheeky cow she would probably still expect you to get her to her appointment about her work shyness! I feel rage on your behalf, there is no way on this earth I would take her to her appointment in your shoes.

Why can't she take a taxi? Surely that's cheaper than a 3 hour round trip? Or at least easier. If she's still working surely she can sort herself out?

So what does he do for your parents?

What if you went into labour early?

@Glo1988 my thoughts exactly

Sounds like a DWP/benefits assessment appointment. She might want to say she needed accompanying/couldn’t manage on her own/get public transport. Children are absolutely not allowed in those appointments.

But anyway, you’ve got a history of early labour and you’re 36 weeks and you want to drive 90mins away and put yourself in a stressful position? Take your notes and hospital bag.
sounds like lots of issues with your parents and DH around you being out and about to each extreme.

If you do go then park or soft play.

Your inability to have a direct conversation with your husband is a much much bigger issue here. Why don't you feel able to tell him what you think and feel?

My view - even if you had perfect childcare, a 3 hour round trip is a big ask for someone who is 36 weeks pregnant, even if they didn't have history of early labour.

And what you do for your parents is totally irrelevant unless your husband also regularly ferries them to their appointments. And even then you'd be entitled to say 'sorry, no can do on this occasion because of the whole 36 weeks pregnant thing.'

But really - what happens if you talk to him?

FFS. Grow a backbone and just say no. One of her children can take her.

Sounds like your DH, his siblings and his mum are CF! Fancy thinking that the person who is 8 months pregnant, with a toddler who is still working, is the person to drive this woman around! Why can’t she get the public transport or someone else take her?

I’d develop twinges and refuse to drive.

It doesn't matter what she expects; you are an adult and have a voice and a choice. And multiple reasons not to take her.

If she must have an attendant at the appointment some other family member or friend must take her. Or, she must change her appt to a time that suits her escort. She might have to be nicer to the relatives she had a row with.

DH can take unpaid leave.

You need to tell your husband you can't do it. Are you too scared to tell him? How would he react?

Do not agree to this- once you do it once, you’ll be on the hook for future requests.

One day you’ll wake up and realise you can’t remember the last time your DH lifted a finger for one of these lifts or errands as it’ll have drip-dip-dripped into becoming your responsibility.

I don't get it.....
Your last week of work and exhausted why doesn't he know this is he helping you when he gets in and you put your feet up?
Why can't you tell him a 4 to 5 hour day for toddler being board is not going to work and your parents can't cope with caring for him, and your sister like his siblings is working?
Don't you speak?

I also will guarantee that once you say you can't take her one of her children will sort it out. They haven't bothered change their work/ plans as they just assume you'll do it. Definitely put your foot down or you'll be doing all the appointments while on maternity leave with a baby and toddler.

I don't think its a question of growing a back bone.
You tell them and they don't listen.
You absolutely cannot sacrifice your well being because your MIL is having a strop with her other son. No, Non, Niet
It doesn't matter what you do for your parents. That probably doesn't involve an unnecessary 3 hour drive.

Text this for extra clarity. If they complain say I've said it all in my text.

"Dear DH, Mil and siblings.
I cannot take MIL to her appointment.
I am 36 weeks pregnant with a history of going into labour early.
I cannot drive a 3 hour round trip plus appointment time, with a lively toddler in tow. It is too much.
I am completely exhausted and my midwife has advised me to take things as easy as possible and I'm going to take her advice.
I'm sure if you all put your heads together, you will come up with a better arrangement. love The Op"

He has issues with his boss…
MIL has issues with some of her kids…
OP has issues being heard by her DH and his family and is wondering if she’s going crazy.

IT’S NOT YOU @Kardelen HIS FAMILY IS DISFUNCTIONAL AF!!! LET THEM SORT THEMSELVES OUT!!!!

OP in the gentlest possible way, this is your husband. You shouldn't dread or be worried about having any kind of discussion with him.

It's really impractical for you to do what he's asking, you're not being unreasonable to say sorry but no can do.

Why can’t she get public transport or a taxi @Kardelen ?

He's behaving like a selfish idiot and he doesn't seem to be worried about you thinking badly of HIM.

Say no. Your husband or one of his siblings will have to go. People give birth at 36 weeks!

You are old enough to have children, you're old enough to stand up for yourself.

Does he do lots and lots of considerate things for your parents?

Go into your garden and practise saying no. Quietly but firmly. Just say it.

DH doesn’t need to have a good relationship with his boss in order to annual leave. Annual leave is a basic entitlement.

What is stopping an adult woman from getting a taxi, like anyone else would do?

How old is your MIL?

Just tell your DH you don't feel well enough and he has to find an alternative