I think she is totally out of order! She's been a nanny for approx 6 years, I would never do anything with the children I look after without the express consent of the parents! Even back when I only had 6 years experience! I am a nanny, employed to look after children and bring them up the way in which their parents ask, and to offer advice if they ask, not to go off and do things that should be done for the first time by mummy. Jeez, I don't even tell parents that the children did things for the first time with me rather than with them!! Most of my charges walked, talked, counted, memorised their colours a couple of days before it says they did in the growth book!! I feel it's important for them to do these things with mummy and daddy "first".
I have lain on beds with children to read them a story but only once have I taken a baby into my bed and that was when I was babysitting for the twins I was looking after who shared a room, C was 6 months and distraught, and disturbing L so I took him to my room and we both fell asleep!
I do kiss and cuddle the children I look after and none of my employers have said anything about the children giving me a kiss goodbye on the lips but they may have had a problem with it, I have never really thought about it. I will now! I love all the kids I have looked after and call them all MY babies/little men and again none of the parents have said anything, most of the mum's have said I am the children's second mum. The dad of my 21 and 22 year old ex charges (they were 1 and 2 when I looked after them, don't look after 21 and 22 years olds!) still says, "Do you want to speak to YOUR boys?" when I phone. And they still give me a kiss and cuddle when I see them but not on lips!!! But I know that when my employers are home, they are in charge and they don't want to see their pride and joy cosying up to someone else! I try to leave asap unless they seem to need a chat/company. I have always been live-in and generally try to sneak in and out of the house when family are together and it's my free time, not because I don't want to be with them but I feel they need time as a family. Even if I go on holiday as part of the family, I try to give them as much family time as is possible (always easier if weather is good and a beach is nearby!)
Please don't give her 3 months pay off! She is undermining you and that is not on. Give her a month if you want her to leave immediately or give her a months notice (although as some have said, I probably wouldn't advise this in this case)
Babies easily adapt to someone new looking after them, as long as they are fed, watered, changed and cuddled they are happy!
I am free for temp work from mid Jan if you are interested!! 21 years experience, lots of newborns, great references!