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Original poster

How do i get my nanny to listen to me....

204 replies

bertieboo · 29/11/2007 15:19

and not do her own thing? I work full time and so my DD (5 months) old is in her sole care all day. I accept thats a lot of responsibility but nanny constantly goes against my wishes and then argues with me when i pull her up on it. She is amazing with my DD and loves her v much, but i feel like she is undermining me at every turn. How can i fix this without feel even more useless than i already do??

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Original poster
bertieboo · 03/12/2007 10:53

I think i would rather try what CSS suggests and sit her down properly and go through everything. That way she can tell me what she is unhappy with and vice versa. Her 3 months is up at the end of the week which is when her probation is due to expire, so it would be a good idea anyway!
I am hoping that its just my lack of direction and input that has made nanny this way and that when i talk to her she will understand and take note. Especially as i know she loves DD, loves living in central london and seems to like DH and I.
If we cant agree then this weekend would be a good time for her to leave.

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Original poster
bertieboo · 03/12/2007 10:55

Anna, does she wake up later in the morning or have extra naps during the day? I find my DD gets cranky in the evening so tends to be quite moany.... not pleasant for anyone!

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NAB3littlemonkeys · 03/12/2007 10:58

Immediate dismissal for gross misconduct I think you will find.

orangina · 03/12/2007 11:00

bertieboo, i don'[t really know how you live with it. I think you have every right to dismiss her, though the others are right in that you can't just expect her to go, unless you pay her a months wages in lieu of notice. She sounds totally maddening and I think your wish to get her into a routine is perfectly natural (though it might not be everyone's way of doing things). My dd was on a very good routine at 6 months (without too much trouble in getting her there), and everyone was happy, our nanny included, as she could structure her day accordingly too.
I suggest you have a review with your current nanny, air your grievances in a calm and controlled way, lay down a few ground rules (leaving you all to have family time when she is off duty for example), and let her know in no uncertain terms that she is living on borrowed time. Give her a formal warning or whatever the terms of your contract indicate. Go to gumtree or a nanny agency, whichever is your preferred method of hiring, and have a good look at who is available (we found our current nanny this time last year, and there were a LOT of people looking for a New Year change of job). As for being worried about choosing the right person, what were this nanny's references like? Did you speak to her previous employers? I always speak very frankly to anyone who calls me for a reference (and generally I am very positive about whoever has worked for me, except the unhinged one, and I had to be frank about her...). Whoever you take on, you can take on a months probation, and you will be a lot wiser as to what you are looking for... Good luck, you will feel so much happier once you have this resolved.

Anna8888 · 03/12/2007 11:00

She's 3 now, but when she was 5 months old she woke up at around 8 - 8.30 am (sometimes later). She would have a major sleep around lunchtime (for 2 hours or so) which was great as I could have lunch / read the newspaper in peace, and then have a late afternoon nap.

I never tried to impose any kind of routine on her, it was one we worked out together than suited us all as a family.

orangina · 03/12/2007 11:01

Sorry, posts crossed, great idea to go through everything before probation expires....

Oblomov · 03/12/2007 11:02

Have been following thread since beginning. Agree with everyone else, get rid of her. But until you can replace her, sit her down, show some bloody authority - she is your employee - she is employed to work for you. Tell her what you want.
Stop being so nice.
Write it down.
Say, I want a...b...c
This is it and all about it.
Do it to the letter of the law, or else.
Tell her straight.
When she came and disrupted eating, why did you not say anything to her ? You have to stand up for yourself.

Original poster
bertieboo · 03/12/2007 11:07

Oblomov - you are right, she is my employee, but as she is taking care of my DD i think i let the lines become blurred.
And I didnt say anything when she came in when DD was eating as she was saying such lovely things to DD. I would have felt like a cow for telling her off!

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Oblomov · 03/12/2007 11:09

Bertieboo, you are too nice and this has got totally out of hand. You need to find some bollocks (!!) , find a voice and tell her , in a polite, but authoritative voice, that .... this is what you want.
Time for niceities is long gone.

Original poster
bertieboo · 03/12/2007 11:10

haha, oblomov. i will try and find them, i think they came out when DD was born

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ChristmasShinySnowflakes · 03/12/2007 11:11

First thing to do is to plan the meeting, organise a day/time.

The rest we can help with

orangina · 03/12/2007 11:13

You are too nice Bertieboo.... dd is YOUR dd, not hers! She's crossing a line I think.

Original poster
bertieboo · 03/12/2007 11:17

CSS i am counting on it!!

my plan is -

Once DD is in bed to sit down and say this is a formal review. I will start by asking her if she has any complaints/comments with regards to her role.
Once we have addressed them (if there are any) i will raise me points, which i will have written down in front of me. She will then have an opportunity to respond to my concerns. Either straight away or she can go away and think things over for a couple of days.
I am going to inform her i am extending her probation by a month (which will take her into the middle of Jan) and if she or I decides to go our seperate ways i will give her 3 months full pay, and she can keep the bonus i just paid her.
Does that sound reasonable?

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Oblomov · 03/12/2007 11:18

This girl is running you riot and nearly 150 posts and not much progress has been made.
I do not have a nanny. So I can not appreciate many of your issues. But ds does go to nursery, so I do understand some of your feelings.
But come on GIRL.
WE are here to support you.
SORT THIS OUT

Oblomov · 03/12/2007 11:19

Bertieboo, they probably popped out, with your piles.

Original poster
bertieboo · 03/12/2007 11:21

and there was me thinking i had piles for so long.... know anywhere i can get a replacement paid?

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Original poster
bertieboo · 03/12/2007 11:21

or even a PAIR !

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ChristmasShinySnowflakes · 03/12/2007 11:21

3 months full pay sounds far too generous to me.

I would extend her probabtion by a month, but ensure a document is typed up for you both to sign and agree to this.

Add into it a section stating that one months notice applies for this period of time.

Oblomov · 03/12/2007 11:22

Give her some notice, that you want to have a meeting, a review. she should be prpared and not have it sprung on her, she might think that you are just sitty down for a cosy chat. At work, you know when your review is and you go in with a different mindset.

Original poster
bertieboo · 03/12/2007 11:22

good idea to have the document typed up - i wouldnt have thought of that.

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ChristmasShinySnowflakes · 03/12/2007 11:38

Just handy to be one step ahead and have things covered from an employment law perspective

orangina · 03/12/2007 11:43

3 months far too generous! One month is plenty.... please don't say 3 months.....

orangina · 03/12/2007 11:43

And you have just paid her a bonus?

Pennies · 03/12/2007 12:00

What was with the bonus? One month is sufficient.

Get rid get rid get rid.

Original poster
bertieboo · 03/12/2007 12:10

yes she has just had a bonus - it would have been nearer christmas, but i figured she would be wanting to buy christmas presents and she is also off oh holiday for a week over NY, so she needed some money to pay for that.
Its fine - i am happy to pay her a bonus as long as she listens!

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