Fuck fuck fuck nanny has resigned

[PalindromicUser]

I know she absolutely has the right to resign but I’m so cross! It’s been such a difficult year. DD only has another 9 months until she starts school then nanny could look after as many babies as she wants to (she’s taken a job looking after a 5 month old).

I’m also really disappointed she resigned via WhatsApp rather than calling me. I can understand that she wanted to avoid having a potentially difficult conversation but that’s what being a grown up is like, surely?

It will be fine, we will go back to more nursery and wrap around but I just wanted to let of steam with people who know how much I feel left in the lurch! Plus the additional organisational burden will almost certainly fall to me - the nanny was most helpful to me rather than DH and relieved so much of that burden.

I totally understand OP.

Our nanny-to-be emailed me at 5pm on a Friday to tell me she wouldn't be starting on the Monday (i.e. 0 working days notice). We were totally scuppered, no local family who could step in, trying to sort alternative childcare was horrific, and we ended up with an arrangement that didn't really work very well out of sheer desperation. It's really put me off relying on one person for childcare too- we're back to nursery/after school clubs etc now as staff reliability is not my problem in these settings.

I can understand it from the nanny's perspective, especially if she can see an end is likely to be in sight it's not unsurprising that she was keeping an eye out for her next position.

You're totally within your rights to be upset and stressed out by the whole thing though. It's really not fun when these things happen.

@Scarydinosaurs

What an absolute fucker.

Do you have any friends who would do a nanny share for such a short amount of time?

you've never resigned from any job, have you?

I don't have and have never had a nanny, but I can understand the frustration in having to sort out more childcare.

Lots of inverted snobs on here, too.

Woe betide any adult who decides a new job is for them and serves notice in written form.

Some of the posts on this thread...

She is entitled to do what she wants. Fair play perhaps giving you a letter in person is more appropriate but she owes nothing specific to you or your child, it is an employer-employee matter.

Next time OP decides she needs a career change lets see if her manager posts online about how frustrating it is that she cant finish off the remainder of the financial year.

@SentientAndCognisant

The assumption is the op is mean spirited employee and nanny cowed by op However just as likely is nanny has a new job and is avoidant of a difficult conversation On mn women employing other women for childcare or domestics is always seen as an imbalance. Employer. Never allowed to have an opinion or be exasperated. And obviously the employer must always feel indebted and heap praise & gifts on the nanny & cleaner

Spot on!!!

OP I totally get the panic and frustration. If you have a nanny because you’re both working it’s a temporary shit storm while you go find and sort out new wraparound care. You’re time poor in the first place. In my case I live in the middle of nowhere so it’s very hard to find people and get a match on the hours and schedule.

My last nanny also handed in notice on WhatsApp. She definitely did it out of cowardice as I know she hates awkward conversations. We had a very good working relationship. I wish her well but I felt it wasn’t professional to end a contract like that.

Hope you get sorted soon!!

so unprofessional to resign via Whatsapp

what difference does it make? It's not a corporate job, giving a letter stating "I quit" might look more professional but the end result is the same.

It's a fairly personal relationship, you can understand why it's easier to let the employer vent when they got the news instead of a fully awkward conversation that helps no one.

@PalindromicUser

Do you know what, I typed a long message justifying my position.

But what’s the point because you don’t care what I have to say, you know all you need to know about me and my situation. I do not owe any of you an explanation.

I sincerely hope none of you is ever in the position of having your childcare arrangements fall through unexpectedly at short notice.

Change the contract to a 2 month or 3 month notice period next time.

Nanny has not fallen through unexpectedly. Nanny has utilised her rights to leave employment in line with the terms you agreed.

@SentientAndCognisant

And there we have if *@DC3*Dakota why have kids if you let someone else watch them The tired trope of the avaricious working mum who can’t even be bothered to raise her own kids

Ok, I’ll answer @DC3. I put all my kids into baby room & nursery from 6mth because I wanted to
Because it allowed me to return FT to work. My career really matters to me
Because I simply didn’t want to be at home long term with kids

Fact that yiu unfortunately have a debilitating illness has no relation to The op returning to work and employing a nanny. Op makes her autonomous decisions and work demands have absolutely to be considered

This.

OP and crack on with a plan once you've got your wind back

@PalindromicUser

Do you know what, I haven’t been on MN since the start of the pandemic but I thought I would dip my toe back in. I thought it would be better to let my frustration out here, since I can’t get cross with the nanny.

As a PP mentioned, being a working parent is like walking a tightrope. And the kids have had enough upheaval already this year, as have I. I quite deliberately posted in this section because I thought parents with nannies would understand. Clearly, I was wrong.

I think the crappy answers are because your post appears under "trending" or active conversations and not just in a nanny section. There are always a lot of abrupt, disagreeable responses to these posts.

I've had childcare fall through twice. When I was on a very low wage and finding an alternative was very difficult. It's was frustrating but not a major drama. The op has childcare she can use, the nanny phase was coming to an end. This really isn't a catastrophe. Getting all huffy about the responses is frankly absurd.

@DC3Dakota

If you think of your children as a "burden" then perhaps you should have made some different decisions.

As a disabled single parent, I have to actually raise my child myself and the moaning about having to look after your own kids (when doing so just about kills me, pain wise) it's just infuriating

Do you work?

being frustrated is understandable

but some of the comments against the nanny are ridiculous, and got appropriate replies.

If you can't understand that you need to make it attractive for a nanny to stay with you for the remaining few months you need her, and decline long term opportunities to stay with you, then you are partially to blame.

then nanny could look after as many babies as she wants to if you treat her this way, why are you so surprised

@SentientAndCognisant, are you sm?

As someone who has always had to organise things and look after her own children I do find posts like yours utterly cringeworthy. Most of us can’t even afford a nanny and have to make sacrifices but we chose the life and we deal with it. How you can seriously expect sympathy is beyond me. You clearly have money, so hire a new minion to offload everything on. You are not entitled to her and I hope the poor woman is happy in her new job and unaware that she is being slated online.

It’s laughable the paranoia that women are jealous and vicious about employers of nannies, all the while showing themselves to be the actual vicious ones with comments.

No one cares that much bless you

[quote ssd]@SentientAndCognisant, are you sm?[/quote]
I thought that too, which then scared me as I agree with everything she has posted on this thread 🤣

Love how people are making up they can tell why the nanny left because of ‘ops tone’

And yes to the inverted snobbery on here!

Oh OP that's so frustrating for you! Especially with only 9 months to your wee one starts school/nursery.
As a working parent all through my children's years I totally get why you're disappointed and not wanting this upheaval.

And even knowing how vicious MN is I am still disgusted with some of the responses you've had on this thread

Love how people are making up they can tell why the nanny left because of ‘ops tone’

well, the nanny did resign and found another position. Why do you think that would be? The OP didn't come out terribly well in her posts.

And yes, I did employ nannies myself. Not many, when you found the right one, you really make efforts to keep them.

@DC3Dakota

If you think of your children as a "burden" then perhaps you should have made some different decisions.

As a disabled single parent, I have to actually raise my child myself and the moaning about having to look after your own kids (when doing so just about kills me, pain wise) it's just infuriating

??? What a ridiculous thing to say! You don't know anything about OPs situation, how dare you be so bloody rude and hurtful!

Supply and demand. She probably just got a better offer. I'm not sure what more can be said. Just get another advert out and move on. She owes you nothing.

Yes, always a risk that nannies will look for a new job before they HAVE to (financially) if nannies want job for a while/security and the youngest DC is coming up to school age.

With childcare - had many bumps, eg leaving at short notice - I always kept in mind that a very good/outstanding childcarer with whom the DC and we had good relationships had their own personal concerns/interests to consider. Sometimes, inevitably, these didn’t align with mine/ours.

It’s not ‘vicious’ to defend the nannies rights as people have a few really entitled people on this thread.

Absolutely no one has disagreed that it’s frustrating and inconvenient to have a nanny leave.

It’s clear to see which side has been vicious on this thread. People have tried to help OP understand and calm down regroup from her strop.

@Opinionator you say that but have you seen the responses levelled at her too? That she’s jealous etc?

Kids are primarily the parents responsibility, you must be able to carry on and find new childcare without blaming third parties.